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Dealing with the breakdown of a relationship

(2 Posts)
PumpkinPi Tue 21-Jun-11 14:53:59

This actually refers to a friend of mine, who I am desperate to help, but really don't know where to begin. She is in a relationship of around 10 years, and has a 2 year old DD. TBH honest, I'm not sure the relationship was in a good place before DD cam along, but it has pretty much nose dived during the 2 years since. They have reached the point of almost total isolation - unable to discuss anything with one another. She has taken on pretty much all of the childcare, although still has to work for financial reasons. She is self employed, so works around naps etc - he is also self employed, but gives little or no support in terms of day to day childcare. She is so unhappy in their relationship, that it is more unusual when I see her that she will not end up in floods of tears. I'm very wary of giving the wrong advice as her partner is an old friend from school (although I have a much closer relationship with her), but I sincerely believe they should seperate. I guess what I'd really like from you Mumsnetters is advice on who she should talk to to help her through this. She feels like a failure as she can't make the relationship work, but I know this isn't true. She is also terrified of the idea of seperating the family, but I argue it is better to do it now, then 3 or 4 years down the line when her DD will have a better understanding of what is happening. I wondered if there are support groups for people in this situation? I think she would benefit talking to someone who understands her situation and can empathise with her - my family life is pretty solid which I feel makes her feel worse when I try to offer. Any thoughts anyone?

Wisedupwoman Tue 21-Jun-11 20:21:05

Has she tried Relate, OP? They don't assume people are going to stay together, they work with couples who may or may not separate.

i feel for you, though, being a friend to both of them, it puts you in a difficult position so I'd be extra careful about advising either of them one way or the other, but that doesn't mean you can't be on hand to help mop up the tears.

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