DH had an 8 year relationship with a girl in his twenties (uni and then after). Throughout the first couple of years of our relationship whenever she has been mentioned he has always been more than complimentary about her including once stating that he will always love her. We weren't the nicest to each other back in the day so I put it down to that when we were on track although it hurt like hell at the time.
Then she came up during wedding plans (worrying about inviting some people who were joint friends but became more her friends when he moved out although he has always kept in touch with them) and then when we moved house (wanted to not be joint tenants because that had backfired with her). I felt a bit shaken again about her and things. Worried that he didn't feel our relationship was any different to their one.
I recently finally got up the courage to ask about her (decided that it might stop me stalking her on facebook ) and the response has not reassured me. He was shocked that I was thinking about it but maintains that he will never want to lose respect for what he felt for her and their time together. It has me feeling really flustered. It's not that I think he's going to run off with her or even contact her but that I feel I and our relationship will constantly be compared negatively to this representation of her and their relationship in his head that now is obviously fiction anyway (it didn't work out can't have been that good ffs!). I also don't feel it's normal to feel so strongly about respecting your past relationships.
Am I being over the top? How can I deal with this upset? sitting here in tears now typing this. I don't know how to cope with this. He thinks to say that our relationship is better is silly and ludicrous and it's not his style to be all over the top and reassuring.
Ack.
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Feeling Second Best to Ex
pommedeterre · 02/04/2011 10:57
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