I know that this will probably echo a lot of previous threads, and I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record. This is my first post on this topic, or even in this section, so please go easy on me!
A bit of background; DH works full-time and I work part-time. We have one DD who is a year old. DH is a fantastic father, and the child care is very much shared. When I'm at work, DD is at nursery, the other two days she is at home with me. At the weekend we're all at home together, or more often, all out visiting family. We had agreed before having DD that DH would take responsibility for more of the housework, but other than a few token gestures, it has never happened. He will pull his weight for a week, maybe two, and then just slips back into leaving everything up to me. If he ever decides to help with a DIY job, he never finishes it, or cleans up after himself.
We've tried to sort this out several different ways, we've allocated jobs, we've done rotas, and we've taken turns. I've nagged him, left him notes, I've handed him jobs on the spur of the moment, and I've left things for weeks, waiting for him to get around to it. We have had a few arguments about it. We have sat down and spoken about it calmly. He agrees that the housework is not just my responsibility, and that he needs to do his share, and I have explained why it upsets and annoys me when he doesn't. I have also explained that, while, him running the vacuum about when asked is a step in the right direction, what I need more, is for him to shoulder some of the responsibility. We have spoken about all this on more than one occasion, and at great length. I don't feel like a wife and a mum, I feel like I have 2 children, and one is a teenager!
Over the last few weeks he hasn't lifted a finger around the house, not even to put his own clean clothes away, or put his mug into the dishwasher. The result is that I have turned into a nagging harpy, and we have been arguing frequently. After one discussion, he offered to sort out a baby sitter, and book us an appointment at DDs nursery, for parents evening, so it was one task that I didn?t have to worry about. I asked him this morning if it was all sorted out yet and he told me we had missed it. I was fuming! His only response was to shrug it off, saying that he would have booked a baby sitter if I'd made an appointment! 
When I reminded him that he was supposed to be booking it all, he just shook his head and left the room. I was so stunned, and so angry that I couldn't do anything but look at him, so he said goodbye and left for work.
Other than recently, we don't usually argue. On the few occasions we have, we've always made up, and sorted out whatever caused it. But now, I'm finding it hard to believe that he respects me, and I don't feel loved anymore. I love him dearly, but I'm stumped! (I also feel a bit silly to be making such a fuss over this after having read some of the other threads here.) What do I do now?
Sorry this is so long and thank you if you made it through to the end!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Advice please- Wifework troubles.
pallymama · 24/01/2011 13:34
I've gone on strike before now and it took DH a few days to notice 
but he did notice in the end, and didn't like it.
A cleaner needn't cost that much. It saved us from a lot of rows. I tried going without one last year after moving house and felt myself getting very resentful again, so shopped around and found one at a good rate. Much happier since then.
Is there something else you could do without in order to get a cleaner?
mum295 - I really don't think so. We don't pay for any memberships, clubs, or lessons. We don't go out. We just pay mortgage, bills and buy food. If there's any left over it goes into sorting out our house. I think I would be more resentful if our roof had to wait to be fixed because the money went on a cleaner. For the record, we're in the house he desperately wanted. :)
IAPJJLPJ - I work 3 days a week. Including commute, it's 12 hours a day.
He came home last night and tidied DDs toys away, put his clean clothes away, and tooks the mugs off his desk! We had a bit of a talk, and I've told him that as soon as he stops pulling his weight, I'm going on strike. I haven't tried getting petty yet, but if necessary, I'll try that next! 
Thanks for all your replies.
ChoChoSan - all our money is shared, maybe that needs to change. If so, I will look into the laundry service idea, thank you.
rookiemater - We're already there! 
Not a conscious decision, but if I'm not feeling loved, then neither is he! Besides, he's usually asleep before I go to bed.
StuffingGoldBrass - Wow! I know this issue pi**es me off and upsets me, but I'd never thought of it as a deal breaker. I suppose it could get to that point over time. I'd never considered that his behaviour is deliberate, I always view it as forgetful and lazy! Maybe it is, I'll have to have a think about that.
oppertop - Sorry, but I stand by view on his parenting. This is the one area that he does do his share (except for with booking appointments!) He shared her night feeds when she was little, and night wakings now. He looks after her if she's poorly,. At the weekends he changes more nappies than I do. The point about th effect on DDs ideas about her role in life is a good one though. I'll be bringing that one up with him.
Thank you for your replies :)
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.