Why is selling and buying so stressful? Early days but so disheartened

(21 Posts)
Austereorange Mon 03-Aug-20 10:34:48

I just need a moan and probably a massive head wobble.

We’ve been on the market one week today. We procrastinated for ages but the shove was seeing one (and only one) potential upward move that met most of our criteria and the stamp duty exemption.

We’ve marketed at a sensible price and within 2 days had two viewings booked. The first viewing the wife said she wanted it and was willing to pay the asking price but her husband said he didn’t want it. Second viewing are not answering the phone to the agent so I assume that’s a no.

We made the stupid stupid mistake of asking to view the potential we liked. We absolutely loved it but now we are worrying it’ll sell. BUT it’s been on the market since January. We have quizzed their agent as to why and she said the garden is very daunting to some people and it’s done to a very high standard and people at the moment seem to like property with ‘potential’ whereas this is top end finished and needs nothing. I do agree the garden is very big (like enormous) but to us as avid gardeners it’s what we want.

We’ve been in the current house for 7 years and had a horrible stressful time. We had buyers pull out twice late in the process. And we lost the house we really wanted (hence moving again, this was a bit of a compromise).

I get so wrapped up in it and so frustrated. We are due to be away the week after next and I don’t want it to spoil that by thinking of nothing else.

There is no purpose to this point I just wanted a whinge!!! Why does it have to be so bloody stressful!

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ChicCroissant Mon 03-Aug-20 11:21:42

It is stressful, there are so many different strands to tie up on the same date and it's even worse if it is a chain.

You mention being wrapped up in it and frustrated - is there any way you can distract yourself so you don't consider just one property to be perfect for you in the future? There are some processes (like property purchases and sales) where a lot is outside our control and it is easier to accept whatever happens than be constantly in a state of 'fight'! Neither of these mindsets actually affects the process, but acceptance is less stressful.

Don't waste time and energy imagining disaster scenarios! It doesn't change what actually happens in the end.

I hope the sale goes through quickly and smoothly OP (I'd love a larger garden too, our current plot is the smallest we've had flowers ) good luck with the sale and the viewings. A large garden can put off some buyers so I hope that's the case with the property you like as well grin Enjoy your holiday!

ShirleyPhallus Mon 03-Aug-20 11:32:52

I’m surprised you were allowed to view a house without an offer on yours, nothing is moving like that around here

With kindness, you do need a head wobble flowers It’s been on the market for one week, relax a bit and try and stay calm - this stuff does take ages and unfortunately you’re not even at the stressful bit yet. You’ll get totally wound in to knots when that bit kicks in if you don’t relax a bit now. Easier said than done I know!

Austereorange Mon 03-Aug-20 11:53:14

Thank you. I needed a bit of levelling; need to hear it sometimes as my DH is just as bad as me.

I’m plenty distracted with work and the upcoming holiday but unfortunately both still have ‘thinking space’ - need to switch that off! I also need to stop cooing over the one I liked on Rightmove.

We were allowed to view @ShirleyPhallus as their agent I think is concerned it’s been on for so long. She looked at ours online (which had gone on that day) and said ‘you’ll be under offer within a fortnight, so I’m happy to suggest you view’. It helped at the time because if we hadn’t have liked it the pressure wouldn’t be there so I’m glad we did...BUT...it has led to that horrid heart/head situation with now having to be patient.

Just wish I had a fast forward button!

When we are away we will leave the key with the agent but I think it takes away from the whole personal experience of being able to answer questions the buyers may have. Was hoping to have more in before then but not a peep at the moment.

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notheragain4 Mon 03-Aug-20 12:01:10

It's so stressful being on the market when there's only one house you want, we attempted it last year. Sorry no advice, buying and selling in this country is stupid. I hope you find a buyer soon, it's still early days and maybe keep your eyes peeled elsewhere in the hope of having more options and relaxing you a bit.

notheragain4 Mon 03-Aug-20 12:03:06

For what it's worth we've never been turned down a viewing when not proceedable, we've viewed at least 3 houses when we weren't proceedable, even got second viewings when we were contemplating how to respond to an offer.

Austereorange Thu 13-Aug-20 07:50:51

Back again.

Again no point to this just blatantly seeking sympathy I suppose.

Since posting the above we’ve had 3 more viewings...
1 - wanted it but had lied to our agent about being proceedable. They’d told ours that they were cash buyers but they aren’t - they need to sell theirs. So that’s going nowhere.
2 - turned out to be a lady from the next road who again said she was a cash buyer. I recognised her immediately when I opened the door. She had no serious intention at all she just wanted a look round.
3 - the crusher. Told our agent they’d been looking at ours since it came on but couldn’t view as they were not proceed-able. The days theirs went under offer they asked to view. They were here for an hour and a half... tape measure, placing furniture, note pad, asking every question possible (schools/neighbours/everything)...Loads of really positive comments. Then within 15 minutes of leaving the agent text and said they’d called from the car and it’s a no - the garden isn’t big enough (it’s a big garden so that’s flimsy) and the 4th bedroom isn’t big (it’s 7ft x 9ft so it’s bigger than a box room) and the measurements are clearly on the particulars. Why spend 90 minutes here? Those are things you can see before you even bloody view!!!

I’d ferried the kids to my Mums 40 minutes away (which is why we are trying to move), come back, spent 2 hours tidying and clearing and so forth, then 90 minutes with them, another 40 minutes there and back to get the kids back again...my whole day gone. We go away tomorrow and although I’m determined it shouldn’t invade our holiday I know it will. I feel like it’s taking over!

Pointless ramble but I just want someone to buy our house!!!!

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notheragain4 Thu 13-Aug-20 08:04:27

@Austereorange oh it's awful. It's so bloody difficult to gauge buyers. That second one especially was a CF!! Hope you get some more interest soon, it only takes one as they say.....

Zebrahooves Thu 13-Aug-20 08:08:59

@Austereorange you have my sympathies, the entire process is so stressful. We had the estate agents do the viewings and even that was stressful. We had two sales fall through through no fault of ours or the house and buying has proved stressful for a whole different set of reasons.
Good luck and I hope things start moving forward for you.

OfUselessBooks Thu 13-Aug-20 08:13:34

Sending some sympathy @Austereorange... we are sort of in the opposite position that we sold ours easily but are having to settle in one as there are no available perfect properties on the market at the moment. The process is so hard to deal with. Does your agent have any ideas on how you can improve things? It's still only a short time though since you out it know so fingers crossed you get a quick sale. Xx

madcatladyforever Thu 13-Aug-20 08:18:47

Yup it is horrific and each time I say I am never going to do this again ever!!!! Good luck.

ramblingsonthego Thu 13-Aug-20 08:25:44

Why are you doing the viewings yourself? Get the agent to do them. It is so much easier to just go out for 30 mins than show the viewers round yourself. You are paying the agent a shit ton of money, make them earn it!

Also as a viewer having the vendor do the viewing can be awkward. You can't be honest about the property for fear of offence.

Austereorange Thu 13-Aug-20 08:35:46

Thank you. Seriously just having a good moan helps.

The agent is very supportive and just keeps saying ‘I don’t understand, be patient’ but we’re only fretful because if the one we like sells then the options are dire and like you @OfUselessBooks I don’t want a situation where we have to settle. We settled for this one and now its moving time only 6 years later.

It’s a nice area, we have a large sunny garden. It’s a one off house with three receptions, driveway, garage, an office and 4 bedrooms. Neutral and uncluttered. We are leaving things if wanted like wooden blinds and range cooker. And all for the bargain price of £280k. It’s definitely not overpriced. We’ve discussed this over and over with the agent. Next door but one is a Victorian sprawling mansion with listed status. That sold for £230k 3 years ago but needed well in excess of £100k of work (it was in a proper state). I have no clue.

The agent has had other properties come on and sell since ours has gone live.


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Austereorange Thu 13-Aug-20 08:47:02

@ramblingsonthego for the next 2 weeks they’ve got no choice - we aren’t here! If that works better they can continue it when we get back. It’s quite emotive as you say and maybe we’d get more sincere feedback.

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OfUselessBooks Thu 13-Aug-20 08:56:03

Having viewings when you're away is amazing! We put our house in the market and went on holiday and didn't have to get involved at all. I really hope you'll have sold before you get back. Are you in a position just put an offer on your dream house while you're away if you sell?

notheragain4 Thu 13-Aug-20 09:27:39

I actually preferred doing the viewings myself and I prefer being shown around by the vendor as I like to ask questions about the area. I liked to build a rapport with the viewer and could point out things an agent wouldn't think about. We got very good feedback when we switched to me doing it, more second viewings and finally an offer. So you haven't a choice this fortnight, but if an EA does it I recommend doing any second viewings if you can.

I don't like it when the owner is hanging around the house but the EA is doing, that's the worst combination I think!

SollaSollew Thu 13-Aug-20 10:25:18

Hi @Austereorange

I just wanted to give you a slightly different, but hopeful, perspective based on our situation. Sorry this is quite a long story...

We viewed a house in March when were just finishing the last bits of work to our current house. We weren't intending to put ours on the market at that point but it was the perfect house for us. We loved it and decided we'd go for it . Before we could get ours on the market our perfect house went under offer for the first time.

Then covid and lockdown happened and the buyers of our perfect house decided they didn't want to proceed. We went for a second vieweng as soon as lockdown ended and agreed with the estate agent that we'd put ours on the market with them as soon as possible. Unfortunately before we could get pictures done and ours on the market our perfect house went under offer again for the second time.

Still, after much talking about it, we decided that we'd put ours on the market anyway and see what happened. Ours went under offer after 2 weeks and in the meantime the second buyer couldn't get his mortgage because of Covid so pulled out.

We went back for a 3rd viewing and because we were under offer we were finally able to offer on our perfect house and we are (hopefully) only a week or so away from exchange.

That's not to say that I'd have had it this way and our mortgage application has taken forever but there is a saying I love (I think it's Irish) which is "what's meant for you won't pass you by" and I repeated that as a mantra many times over the last few months.

Good luck and hang in there, what's meant for you won't pass you by!

Austereorange Thu 13-Aug-20 10:53:54

Thank you. And thank you for a positive story @SollaSollew. Good luck!

I prefer doing the viewings. I can talk about how much sun the garden gets, explain that the neighbours are all good, that the log burner has all its installation certificates, that we are within walking distance of an Ofsted outstanding school, that the boiler still has 3 years left on the guarantee...etc etc. Things I don’t think EAs can do.

However I am really really hoping we get views while we are away - simply because I’m not there and the stress is removed. Plus I only have to tidy up once.

But none the less it’s the feeling of ‘flux’ - it’s like you’ve invested in moving mentally so you feel like you’re in a period of transition and I feel quite unsettled somehow. Maybe getting away for a fortnight is the right thing to do anyway!

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notheragain4 Thu 13-Aug-20 11:56:06

@Austereorange that's it exactly I can talk about the things I know people worry about, where we can put our dryer, what our neighbours are like, the sun as you say, what the playground is really like. Of course you always take a vendor with a pinch of salt and I appreciate they may not believe everything I say, but it's more genuine than an EA and I think it's really nice to make what is a really cold process feel a bit more personable. We are all just wanting homes after all.

But yes hopefully you'll get an offer while you're away and you won't have to do another again, that's the ideal scenario!

Burnthurst187 Thu 13-Aug-20 12:22:01

We are planning on putting our house on the market before Sept, just waiting on two more valuations

I must have spoken to five or six EA's and when it comes to viewings, either asking them who is allowed to view our's or ringing to ask if we can view, every EA has said something different

One EA said our house needs to have been sold before we can view even though the house in question is now empty and has been for sale eight months. Another EA just said come and view the house on Friday. Didn't ask a single question about our situation and didn't seem to care

This is the problem with a guideline. Everybody has there own take on it and you have people at totally different ends of the spectrum

Austereorange Tue 18-Aug-20 09:25:08

So now I’m confused.

No viewings or interest whatsoever since the 12th. We asked the agent of the one we like for her comments and she said a couple of the photographs are dark but we’re right price wise. So we’ve asked the agent to take new photos. 5 days after asking and with unfettered access to the house as we are away it’s still not happened.

Agent for the one we like called me yesterday and said the vendor has accepted a provisional offer from elsewhere. Apparently this offer is from persons whose house isn’t even on the market yet and they are unproceedable, but live on some
Holy Grail of streets where houses sell in seconds after going on so they go live today and will be (they say confidently) under offer by the weekend.

Very torn - between accepting it’s gone (which is maybe the safest thing to do) or thinking ‘WTF?’ - these offerers are in no different position to us, so how has that happened? I’m so so confused. And to be honest at the moment I just feel like pulling the plug.

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