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Primary education

DS starts reception tomorrow and doesn't want to go

7 replies

evansmummy · 02/09/2009 08:58

He's only doing mornings until half term so it's not like he's straight in to full time. But he really doesn't want to go. Every time I mention it, to try and get hiimm excited or stop him worrying, he just gets in a huff and says "Don't want to go". He know three kids that are gonna be in his class, has been there on a visit, has met the teacher... I don't know what to do to help him, plus I'm stressing now that he's gonna be a nightmare tomorrow morning for getting uniform on, getting in the car, walking into school and everything. Any suggestions?

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savoycabbage · 02/09/2009 09:08

I would make being at home quite boring - if there is time for that, so that he is glad to get there where there are children to play with and loads of interesting things to do.

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happystory · 02/09/2009 09:12

Aw, I bet you feel nervous too. Is he your first?
There's probably no getting round some stress tomorrow morning but you've got to steel yourself and be v matter of fact and present a 'Well you have to go and that's that' kind of attitude. Don't worry about tears (his!) the teacher will have seen it a million times and will get them busy before they know it!

Good luck and let us know!

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Tambajam · 02/09/2009 09:19

I would say to him that it is completely normal to feel that way. Lots of children all over the country feel the same way. Even grown-ups going into work on a Monday morning can relate.
I would talk about the appeal of school - new toys, new experiences. Does he like learning about nature? New books? Construction? Drawing?
Try and talk through what a day might be like: waving goodbye, sitting on the carpet with the teacher sitting on a chair, learning new names, playing, snacks, choosing from the toys in the room when it's choosing time, some time playing outside and then you'll be there to pick him up (not necessarily in that order).
Say to him that's it's normal to feel a bit weird about going to school, to worry about new things but in the end it will work out. Tell him what you'll be doing together tomorrow afternoon after he finishes school.

In the morning just take one step at a time. Continue to validate his feelings while also distracting with games and stories. On the way to school with my DS (going into Year One this year) I would ask him to pick an animal and tell a story about it on the way to distract him. When it's goodbye time in the morning keep upbeat and tell him what you'll be doing when he's at school so he can picture you. Some kids are worried about what you will be doing. Talk about going to the supermarket, ironing and then you'll be back to get him. See you soon. You could also draw something on his hand or tie a bit of cotton around his wrist as a token you'll be thinking about him.

Bit late for it now but my DS loved a book called 'Do I have to go to school?'
www.amazon.co.uk/Do-Have-Go-School-Starting/dp/0340894520?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

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evansmummy · 02/09/2009 09:21

Thanks. It is boring at home today, I'm trying to write a dissertation, so he has to occupy himself, then shopping and aircut this afternoon. He is my first, so I know I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but can't help it. I'm hoping he'll be fine when he gets there.

Thanks, will try to be matter of fact tomorrow. And not to cry!

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evansmummy · 02/09/2009 09:23

Tambajam, what an awesome message. Great great advice. I'm so emotional atm it brought a little tear to my eye. Man, there is no hope for tomorrow...

But I'm gonna do all of those things. Thank you so much.

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Tambajam · 02/09/2009 17:06

No problem.
TBH he may not be fine when he gets there. There may be tears. He may be disconcerted by others with tears but those tears come from uncertainty and fear of the unknown. They can't be switched off other than by making school known and that only comes with time. They aren't necessarily tears of sadness but tears because he hasn't got the ability to express his emotions in other ways. The staff will be well-versed in getting him going once he is in class and on task.
We had a tough couple of weeks initially. My son is also very young which didn't help but now he really loves school.

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evansmummy · 03/09/2009 09:36

Thanks, tambajam. He was fine getting dressed this morning, and quite excited on the way to school. Fine going into the cloakroom, fine putting his plimsolls on, fine into the classroom, fine sorting out his water bottle and fruit. Then the tears came . The classroom assistant took him off with the others for a story and we just left, very upbeat and smiley, while inside i felt awful!!

I'm sure he'll be fine in a few days / weeks. And I know the teacher etc have done this before, they know what they're doing!

Thanks for the advice. I literally did it all!!