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Felt really sad for my DS

(15 Posts)
Creole Sat 11-Oct-08 10:08:30

He was not invited to his BF's birthday party. He is friends with 5 boys, and they have been friends since YR. My DS has always been really close with this boy and every year goes to eachothers party, but this year my DS was the only one left out in this group of 5 boys.

Why are some mums soo awful? I know the reason why, and its because I'm not particularly close with the mum, I'm not part of their clique - apart from the pleasantries, we have nothing in common (different cultures).
My DS is very fond of this boy and seems to talk about him on a daily basis....

I feel so bad for him...he said his BF forgot to invite him. I won't be so petty, I will let my ds decide who he wants to invite when its his party and if he wants to invite this boy, so be it..

I feel sad when people behave like this, it should be about the kids and not us mums.

Creole Sat 11-Oct-08 10:12:38

Also found out it was done in secret, but the lad told my DS. I know the mum has a hand in it.

BlueTwo Sat 11-Oct-08 10:32:56

I know how you feel - same thing happened to DS2 last year. We were waiting outside the gates when another children shoved an invitation into DS2's face going "look what I got". I managed to read it and saw it was from one of the boys in their little group. The birthday boys mum just smiled at me a bit awkwardly - it was obvious that she had been giving out invites before we arrived. I looked in DS's bag when he got home looking for his invite but he didn't get one. I honestly couldn't understand it as I thought I got on fine with the Mum, and my DS wasn't a trouble maker or anything - and the little boy who showed the DS the invite was one whose Mum always says yes we'll come and then half the time doesn't turn up on the day.
One month later and it's DS2's birthday and he wanted to invite this little boy and of course I let him - my evil twin dark side hoped the Mum may feel a bit guilty - but hey, I've got over that now, and I just think to myself, only a few more parties and then it will be two friends and a treat like the cinema or comething like DS1 - can't wait!!

Creole Sat 11-Oct-08 10:39:22

really sad reading that, can't believe people behave like that in this day and age.

My DS is at that stage when its only 1 or friends, and last year it was just him and this lad that he invited - the lad told me ds was his best friend etc I know it was done deliberately by the mum...but I will rise above it, its petty.

LynetteScavo Sat 11-Oct-08 10:45:27

Your DS will forget about it a lot sooner than you, Creole. (I speak form bitter experience!)

Creole Sat 11-Oct-08 10:48:17

Actually, he has already...

Sanctuary Sat 11-Oct-08 11:17:36

Its a dirty trick by the mumangry

needmorecoffee Sat 11-Oct-08 11:19:58

some mothers really are control-freaky over their kids friends sad

findtheriver Sat 11-Oct-08 12:09:29

needmorecoffee is dead right - it's the other mother's problem, not yours, and if it's any consolation, she's actually doing her own kid a disservice by trying to control his friendship groups.

Being a good parent means being a good role model - living your own life with sound values and also accepting that your children are individuals who can make their own choices (as long as they arent hurting others). So - sounds like you are the far better parent, and therefore stand a far better chance of raising a well adjusted and happy child.

It's horrible when it happens but he and you will get over it

colie Sun 12-Oct-08 21:52:17

Good to hear you son is over it. Some parents are just so down right horrid and unbelievably cruel to children who are not their own.

She quite obviously is not remotely bothered that she has hurt your child.
My daughter is best friends with a girl who has now not invited her to two birthday parties she has had. They are in a group of 8 girls and both times all the rest were invited apart from her. She was really upset at not being invited the first time. Cried every night for about 7 days. Nine months later when it was dd's birthday this friend was invited. Low and behold last month was friends birthday and again dd not invited. This time dd was not very bothered.
I have got 7 months before dd bithday so hopefully the evil streak in me will have subsided by then and dd will yet again invite her.

I just keep thinking it is all a learning curve for me, so I will be prepared when this type of thing happens to my two younger daughters!!hmm

Heated Sun 12-Oct-08 22:00:02

Some people have generosity of spirit and some people sadly don't. Pity them without it; it's much nicer and friendlier to be inclusive.

bigTillyMint Mon 13-Oct-08 12:29:15

Oh, I feel for you - why can't mums butt out and let their kids invite THEIR friends?

Niecie Mon 13-Oct-08 12:36:35

This happened to one of the boys in my DS1's group of 4 friends - one of the mums refused to invite one of the children. The boy who didn't get invited was upset and his mother was cross - nobody likes to see their child upset, do they?

The other mother is always meddling in her DS's life though - he doesn't go to parties for no other reason than she won't let him or she will accept an invitation and then not let him go on the day.

Not good for the child whose party it is either to think that he has somehow made a wrong choice with one of his friends.

goingslowlyroundthebend Mon 13-Oct-08 12:50:05

We have it the other way round, we are about to have a party and DS doesn't want to invite certain children but I have said all or nothing. Now DS doesn't want to have the party!

Creole Mon 13-Oct-08 12:51:38

Sounds like its very common then...

Colie - how old is your DD?

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