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7yr old being blanked by her friends starting juniors

(13 Posts)
t875 Thu 11-Sep-08 10:49:32

Our dd has been playing with her best 2 friends since begining of infants really, and been in their class all the way through.

In juniors they have been seperated and my daughter has been left on her own and the class she is in they have their groups established from when they all were in the infants.

Her friends who she has been playing with all this time are starting to blank her and say she cant hang around with them. And the children she is in class with because they are in their groups already dont want to know her either.

Normally she is pretty laid back and not phased about it but she is feeling lonely and we have noticed a big difference in her confidence and self esteem.

We are going to talk to the teacher, do you think we should ask her to be with her friends who she got split from? I dont think this is a good idea as they are aliinating her (it is more one girl than the other, she is jealous of my daughter playing with her friend) The mothers only want it to be the 2 of them too they have been trying to push me and my daughter out for a while.

We told her if she played with the 2 girls all the time she would alienate herself if they got split for juniors, and now they are in a different class they have used this to drop my daughter and she dont really know anyone else in her class that well to play with

Has anyone had dealings with this? Gotta say I am finding it very sad that she is being left on her own and we are seeing a big difference in her confidence.

t875 Thu 11-Sep-08 13:07:54

Has anyone dealt with this atall?

I can only hope it gets better and all settles down.

RubyRioja Thu 11-Sep-08 13:12:00

Oh how horrible. Poor dd.

I know my dd has had some changes in friendship groups and liked the advice in the Glorious Book for Girls, which was carry on smiling and greeting them but don't try to be friends with them. Be friendly and interested in other people. You cannot make people be friends with you, but you can make new friends.

Much easier said than done I know, but seeing it in a book, made dd think it was normal and something that happens to everyone sometimes.

Does she have any links with children from school outside school - neighbours or Brownies?

DorrisMcWhirter Thu 11-Sep-08 13:14:47

sad Oh I feel your pain, I really do and your Dd's of course.
I've not had this as a parent but come across it several times as a teacher in juniors.
Yes, go and see the teacher so that they are aware but I think your initial reaction to not ask to put them back together is a good one.
Stress the difference in her confidence and self esteem rather than 'blaming' the 2 girls (I know you wouldn't do that, but couldn't think of another way to put that!) Hopefully the teacher would do what I did and try pairing your Dd with various other children - it can be done in many ways and isn't as obvious as 'X play with Y as she is on her own'!
This is not to say that Dd will then become bosom buddies with these children but hopefully it will increase her confidence enough to explore her own new friendship groups.
Hope that made sense, have Dd2 screaming in my ear as I type.
All the best

t875 Thu 11-Sep-08 13:50:56

DorrisMcwhirter - Thanks so much for your reply and its really helped to hear a teachers pov so thank you very much.

Yeah we are going to talk to her teacher about it, i am going to see how today goes but I think we are definately going to see the teacher.

RubyRioja - Thanks also to you for your reply, i was thinking of something like brownies or something local for her to get into, so thanks very much, its just a shame these 2 girls have all of sudden started to not play with her its been quite a suprise for her.

snackattack Thu 11-Sep-08 13:59:45

I really feel for you/your dd too. We had a similar situation with our youngest (now 10) but there was a year that she was split up from all of her main friends and it was horrible. My plan of action.....

1. Talked to the school - teacher was very sympathetic and as Dorris says, made opportunities for her to work with other kids in the class..

2. I made a mammoth effort to get on with the mums in my dd's new class - and invited their dd's to tea. Usually they don't say no (anything to get rid of them for a few hours smile ) and this way my dd got to spend some one-on-one time with some girls that she didn't know as well beforehand. This increased her confidence no end and she became really good friends with a couple of them.

Hope this helps....it's a tough one and you have my sympathies but things will get better after a while.

RubyRioja Thu 11-Sep-08 14:15:40

agree playdates fab to help build new friendships (offer to take a new friend to see HSM 3 next month? irrestistible)

Hard to be mature, when you would like the thwack the nasty girls

t875 Thu 11-Sep-08 16:58:34

Thanks snack attack! Today was a better day and she was very happy when she come out she said the 3 children asked her to play today and she seems her old self again, hope tomorrow and beyond is good 2, she even spoke to them girls and they were fine with her and I was very proud she went over to them. smile

Hopefully the start of her settling in better.
Thanks for all the advise smile

RubyRioja Thu 11-Sep-08 17:58:38

Great stuff

t875 Thu 11-Sep-08 18:43:36

thanks RubyRioja! First time me posting on this forum today liking it very much, very helpful!

RubyRioja Thu 11-Sep-08 18:50:18

oh do carry on, but be prepared for the addictive quality

and having a barney with someone on here grin

but you are right, v handy

snackattack Thu 11-Sep-08 19:22:51

Glad we could help t875.... Ruby is sooo right....very addictive but I've found it invaluable... glad your dd seems happier!

DorrisMcWhirter Sun 14-Sep-08 13:49:13

Just re-checked this thread! Pleased to hear Dd is happier. Hope next week is just as sucessful

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