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Struggling with my 4-year old! :-(

(8 Posts)
lioncitygirl Tue 22-Sep-20 22:20:31

My son has just started school - kindergarten. His elder sibling attends this same school so he is very excited to start. He’s the oldest in his class. The first two days - great! Everyday after that - the teacher has said he is disruptive, doesn’t listen, had to be told off more than 7 times abs just generally doesn’t listen. Teacher says we have to ‘talk to him’ - we have. He’s clueless as to what he’s done wrong. I feel so horrible when I have to explain that I’m telling him off for something he’s forgotten he did. The last two days he’s been on ‘red’ which is knows is very bad. The teacher says to give him until Friday and then we need to have a meeting. I’m just so stressed out - I don’t know what else I can do to help my little boy. Does he listen at home? 50:50. From what the teacher has said - it’s a lot worse at school. No reward chart works either - he’s not fussed about ‘treats’ nor is he fussed about any particular toy.

Sorry - realise this is a pointless rant, I’m just so stressed, and anxious. I have never not looked forward to the school run than I have recently.

OP’s posts: |
Littlefish Tue 22-Sep-20 23:35:55

How many days has he been at school?

Was he previously in a nursery setting?

When you say he's in kindergarten, is that pre-school, or Reception?

LeGrandBleu Wed 23-Sep-20 02:37:21

In one of my parenting books, there was this foreword:

You will spend the first two years teaching your child how to walk and talk and the following 16 how to shut up and sit still. Relax, everything will be fine.

Some teachers do not understand what being a 4 years old boy mean. Does your DS do it on purpose? NO. Does he mean to disturb, no. School just started, he is learning what is expected of him and since he doesn't know what he did wrong, someone did a poor job at explaining the rules to him.

Be polite to the teacher and ask for example of how disruptive he is. It could be the pencil case falling on the floor. I have been an ethics teacher here in Australia, and I have seen teacher's interaction. Sometimes they take a particular "attention" to a child, and whatever that child will do, even a sneeze, it will be outrageous.

Talk to your son explaining that school has some rules that requires children to be very quiet. That you love your son's energy and the fact that he is joyful, but school is a place where you need to control your energy. But that's okay because you know that he will be able to.

Don't be anxious or stressed. Go to the meeting with the idea of coming out with a plan. Ask the teacher what is the main issue for which she tells him off 7 times in a day, and then ask her if she praises him when he tries to make an effort.

And to be honest, I am yet to see a child who will listen 100% and have blind obedience. If there is one, I would be seriously worried for their mental health.

Your son is 4. He just started school. HE needs you to help him make it successful. So, at the next school run, be at the front to pick him up.

lioncitygirl Wed 23-Sep-20 11:53:53

Thank you for tour responses.

He’s been in nursery since he was about 2 and now has started kindergarten (1 year before reception).

I know he doesn’t mean to be ‘disruptive’ he’s just constantly bored. All the books the teacher is reading - he’s read them (older sister went through the same books) I am more than happy to sit with the teacher and discuss but at the moment - all she’s telling me is how bad and disruptive he is. All she’s giving me are problems - not solutions. I am not the parent who believes the school has to deal with the behaviour of the child - I am more than happy to take that on, but for the most part, he misbehaves in school - how will telling him off 5 hours later make him, a 4 year old comprehend that? He’s a ‘wanderer’ apparently. Likes to get up, play with toys. Venture into the kitchen. Etc.

I’ve told him to try him best to sit and listen, friend rewards if she’s good etc - hasn’t had any outcome. I believe this is something he will hopefully grow out of but it is quite depressing that for the past 2 weeks all I’ve heard is now he’s so disruptive and doesn’t listen.

OP’s posts: |
eddiemairswife Wed 23-Sep-20 16:54:16

I really believe that some infant teachers, especially if they have no sons of their own, have no idea of how to cope with lively little boys.

year5teacher Wed 23-Sep-20 19:42:39

This sounds insane for this early in the year. I can’t believe the teacher is being so negative about his behaviour? Even if it’s really awful it should be approached in a way where the teacher is trying to find out if there’s a reason for it and not just punishing him.

lioncitygirl Wed 23-Sep-20 20:27:32

Exactly - I am more than happy to sit abs discuss what’s happened etc - because it’s so early on I didn’t really give it much thought - he’s barely settled in. But she’s now called a formal meeting and I’m just not sure what on Earth is going on. She’s new - I don’t know if she’s trying to prove something?

OP’s posts: |
LeGrandBleu Wed 23-Sep-20 21:52:35

You doing't have a son problem, you have a teacher problem.
Welcome the meeting because a bad school experience has to be avoided, and if the principal or a more experienced teacher is present at the meeting even better.

It is extremely hard not to move or move around when you are 4, and a teacher not only should know that but encourage the child to move under her directions." bring me that folder" , " close the curtain for me" of course making sure it is not seen as favouritism.
She should talk to him, and say that she understands it is hard but together they will try and have him sit next to her desk to avoid the distraction of seeing more children between him and teacher. . Sometimes she could also send him out of the class to stretch legs in corridor and come back.

Some kids are just wiggly.
Kids come in all body shapes and we know it is normal. The same applies to mental shapes and here there is conflict. Some kids are naturally calm, quiet and slow. Others have a little fire in them. In a class, a teacher will have all body shapes and all mental shapes. She needs to adapt to reach all.
One of my BIL is the slowest person on earth. Drives me nuts. He talks slowly, walks slowly, eats slowly. Never ever raises his voice. He is so calm, always, never a sparkle of excitement. It would be unfair to expect him to change,. Yet for the other side, those you have the sparkle in them, we force a change and stick a label of hyperactivity,

He is not disruptive by throwing his pencil sharpener to the head of someone or making fart noises to make the class laugh. He just moves and you might find this article interesting.
He will learn to control his energy.

How is his sitting? For my ethics classes, we used to sit in a circle on the carpet but I hated it, so I quickly introduced chairs and the change in attention was amazing. Sometimes I would still send a kid to check if the light was turned on in the toilets and come back and tell me. Or I would tell one kid, he was my assistant that day and he was going to help me have a great lesson.
Tell her about the issue of books and ask her to alternate with different books.

Welcome a meeting. @lioncitygirl Better, don't wait for a meeting to be called by her. Ask for one yourself.

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