School move issue

[BetaBiscuit]

We recently moved DD to another primary school. There were a number of reasons for this, so a big one was it was too small and friendships were harder than they needed to be. One girl in particular was very accustomed to getting her own way and could be quite controlling - not allowing some girls to play with other girls etc. Teachers were aware, but never really managed to sort it out. DD was getting increasingly upset about it.

We moved a month or so ago and DD has been really happy. She’s made friends, gets along with lots of different people and it’s all going really well. We all love the new school - even though it’s a pain to get there. New class teacher has mentioned to DD that controlling girl will be doing a trial day next week and won’t that be nice? DD is now in a state, had a panic attack at lunchtime and threw up.

Class is at PAN, but I suppose they wouldn’t offer a trial day if she wasn’t going to get in? And I can’t imagine begging the school to not let her in - seems a bit mad, and they don’t really know us yet. Any advice?

[steppemum]

Go in and talk to them.
explain to the head what happened before and your
make it clear that you want dd kept well away from her.

It probably won't effect their decision, but at leats they can think about the logistics.

If it is infant class, tell head you knwo it is at PAN and ask if they are going to go over PAN for this girl.

[BetaBiscuit]

Thanks. It’s juniors and one form entry so not sure they can do anything logistics-wise. And I suppose in the current climate they want to cram children in for the funding.

We were all flying high and have now crashed.

[steppemum]

they can go over PAN in juniors, but don't usually unless there is a reason.

Any idea why she is moving?

[BetaBiscuit]

After we left, another girl left too for v similar reasons. Only three girls left there now, which is v far from ideal, so I expect that is partly why. Plus other issues at old school too. But there are other schools nearer with spaces in our year - just wish she was to one of them. Any ideas on how approach Head without sounding like a crazy person? When we looked round initially I talked positively about the new school rather than negatively about the old one. Trying to pass for rational if possibly!

[BetaBiscuit]

Typing awful - soz...

[ChicCroissant]

From what you've said so far, I would speak to the class teacher and explain that this girl was the reason for leaving the previous school. It may not make a difference to them taking the girl in all honesty, but do you think this school might be better at managing the situation this time around? I would also emphasis that if the new girl does start at the school, your DD is not to be teamed up with her.

[NeverSayFreelance]

Yeah you need to explain what happened at the old school - otherwise they'll think it makes sense to assign DD to be this girl's buddy and that's a disaster.

[steppemum]

I would be calm, practical and honest.
Don't be nasty or mean about other child, just say that they didn't get on, and it was difficult and dd was very happy to leave her behind.

Ask the head/ teacher if they can please put in a plan to ensure that there is no bullying when other child arrives.

[Mosurgia]

I would talk to the head and explain that this girl is the reason why quite few people left (including your daughter). I would explain the dynamics she created and the distress your daughter is in since she has learned she was coming. If they still take her I would change school again. Not ideal I know but your daughter would be in too much distress to learn anything.