Private london day school for DS (possibly aspergers)

[Concerned2018]

Hi - name changing.

we have an 8 year old having behaviour issues at an academic london day school. He is coping very well with the academics but struggling with making friends and showing behaviour issues (eg frustration, getting physical with other boys, not knowing boundaries of personal space). The school has now informed us that one more such act will lead to his eventual permanent exclusion. Having read about his issues, I suspect it may be aspergers so we are planning to go down the diagnosis route.

We also need to start looking for a school that will allow us midyear admission as the exclusion can happen anytime. Can any advise on options available to us - in terms of dealing with the school and also finding another school midyear?

Not sure how many such schools there are which are more open to supporting such children. The ones i have found just seem simply not academic enough.

He has no learning difficulties whatsoever but needs support in the playground. I have seen him on play dates with other boys and he does not display any of the behaviours that seem to only occur at school.

I also wonder whether we should move to a state school and try for the 11+ given (from what i read on mumsnet) that many academic private and grammar schools at that stage are more open to HFA boys.

[AveEldon]

What does your existing school SENCO say?
Has the Head suggested possible alternative schools?

[CraftyGin]

If you are in South/South-West London, there is a fantastic little mainstream school that does wonders for students like your son. It is called Canbury School in Kingston.

[CraftyGin]

Oops, I think they just start at Y7, but maybe something to keep in mind for the future.

[Concerned2018]

Thanks will take a look at the school but yes we will have 3 more years until then..

Unfortunately nothing from the headmaster in terms of school suggestions, except that he needs a fresh start elsewhere.

I saw a mumsnet thread about St. paul's and Kings looking favourably at aspies. Any parents from these schools who can share their experience?

[FlibFlabFlob]

OP do you mean St Paul's as in Colet Court or St Paul's Cathedral School?

And which Kings?

Just how academic is he?

Colet Court definitely very HFA friendly but if behaviour is an issue that may be a different matter.

What do you think his triggers are at school?

[FlibFlabFlob]

PS. From what I've read generally and my own experiences, State provision ranges from absolutely excellent to non existent depending partly on postcode lottery whereas Private school provision is more commonly somewhere in the middle.

[buzzingmama]

Fairley house and Abingdon house you should consider!

[buzzingmama]

Forgot to add the Holmewood school too

[Lowdoorinthewal1]

Does he not respond to social stories and such like about how to respond in social situations?

What have you got in place to try to support him with his behaviour? I think any of the schools you have suggested would be looking for him to be actively learning some self-regulation and self-management strategies.

[Mary21]

Which side of London are you?

[Concerned2018]

thank you buzzingmama. Holmewood looks great; not so sure of the others as they seem to cater towards more specific learning difficulties rather than behaviour.

Lowdoor - we have nothing in place as the school hasn't offered any support apart from sanctions...so we are just keen to leave now.

[Concerned2018]

Mary we are in sw

[FlibFlabFlob]

Surely you need to get to the bottom of what is triggering the poor behaviour before deciding what school to apply to long term OP? Yes, he may be intelligent, but why would St Paul's or Latymer put up with poor behaviour so extreme he is nearly at the point of expulsion any more than your current Prep? If I'm honest I can't imagine an intelligent boy with behavioural issues appealing to them. Surely you need to be able to go to them and say what his triggers are so they can implement strategies as soon as he is admitted? Not wait until he behaves badly before acting? Could you not hang in at the current school for a term while getting a diagnosis & strategies in place?

Have you thought about getting a speech & language therapist to work with him? They do a lot of work on social stories and communication strategies and can tackle specific issues such as how to deal with confrontation effectively. Im afraid I can't recommend one in your area.

[Concerned2018]

FlibFlab - you are right. We need to get professional help but i don't want to be caught out if the school moves forward first. What would be our options then?

Thank you for the tip on Latymer. I will keep it in mind.

[Concerned2018]

Btw the behaviours are not so extreme. Mostly variable incidents like pushing past another child while walking up, calling a child a name etc. But they happen weekly.

[hibbledibble]

Op, I would worry that once he has a permanent exclusion on his record, you would struggle to find any school to take him.

Can you withdraw him from school and home educate, before he gets excluded?

[SokokeCat]

I would suggest, like a OP has, withdraw him before he gets an exclusion on his record, Home educate whilst you get him seen by a good consultant...it may take an Ed Psych followed by someone with a specialism. Then look at schools..he may have ASD, he may have ADHD, he may have sensory issues. You need to have him dx before finding him a school that can cater for him.

[Dozer]

The current school sounds bad for him and I would withdraw him immediately.

[CraftyGin]

Clearly an early diagnosis would be in his best interest, so I would recommend getting the ball rolling on this.

[Snowysky20009]

OP you need a diagnosis first or are on the path. Any new school you apply for will contact his old school first before offering a place- can you see the problems there could be here?

[FlibFlabFlob]

I'd agree with PP's that having a Perm Exc on record could cause big issues with admission to other schools, however I very much doubt the school want to officially perm exc him as it doesn't reflect well on them either. Therefore I'd suggest negotiating with them about when you could withdraw him in order to avoid an official exclusion. That way, they have the security of knowing that you have got the message and that he will be leaving, he avoids having it on record and you can plan ahead better.

If you can afford a private diagnosis I can PM you a London recommendation, however you should definitely check how long the waiting list is as they're very popular.