Dealing with bullying - any ideas?

[BiddyPop]

DD has been targetted, again, by 2 boys at school. 1 in her class, the other a year below. They had spent a lot of time together in after school club in the past, and as the older and pretty active/sporty ones, tended to be out and competitive in the yard a lot of afternoons.

DD ended up leaving the after school club as they couldn't get on top of it (and it was starting to spill over into the classroom). DD does have ADHD and ASD (previously called aspergers) but has learned to deal with that much better - but can explode at times if riled and these boys know that.

Having left 2 after school activities, as well as moving after school club (a Daunt collected her 1 afternoon and she went to a different after school club 2 afternoons, going home herself after 2 long afterschool activities twice a week), it seemed a lot better for the rest of last year (Dec to end June) and had seemed ok for the start of this year.

But DD has been on the phone to me (abroad for work) in tears, after getting targetted this afternoon for kicking and throwing soil at her - and admitted the 2 involved have been doing it at 1 activity for the past few weeks.

I have already sent an email to the after school activity coordinators at school this afternoon, informing them of the incident and wanting to know what they will do (and offering either DH or I to meet them this week, before half term next week). After calming DD down.

But can any wise MNers give me advice about what I should be looking for or how to deal with school on this one?

I feel as though we did as they asked last year in pulling her out, but that they have a duty of care too to make sure it doesn't happen. (And it is the same 2 as before!).

It's Ireland, so possibly slightly different to the UK, but probably not that different.

Any hand holds available? Or words of wisdom?

(And I will be back - I have another meeting I need to get to yet, but I will be here later again).

[BiddyPop]

I meant to say - she has learned to walk away and not respond to these boys - but gets very upset and there are occasions when the one in her class in particular has managed to get DD into trouble by riling her and needling her quietly, and sitting back to watch the fireworks when he gets to her and she blows.

As the old teacher saw it happen a few times. And the new teacher doesn't see it but is very cross and strict, and hence does;t like DD and a couple of others who need movement at times - but the SNA in the room has seen it happen too.

I need to cry in the shower - get changed and professional face on for my meeting, and then figure out the plan to deal with it.

[ricecakeseverywhere]

Oh op I'm so sorry to her this. Sending you some and an un mn hug in case it helps.

You don't say how old she is which may be useful info. Sorry if you did and I missed it.

did the bullying boys get consequences for their behaviour? Does dd have targets for helping her manage her emotions and are they getting her help with that?

[Ploppie4]

The answer is to for you and your DD to discuss the days events every evening and for you Immediately factually email any incidents to the head no matter how small. If it takes a month or two of emails to crack things so be it. Expect the bullies to keep bullying your DD in a sly way but the trick is to consistently report/email everything the evening it happens so it can be felt with the next day.

[Ploppie4]

Also tell your DD what your plan is. Email both the teacher and the head

[BiddyPop]

Thank you both.

Did is 11 and in 6th class , last class in primary.

Emailing is a good idea.

And pushing for our iep meeting with the teachers that hasn't yet happened.

[PeteAndManu]

Agree with Ploppie4. My child now seems to be next in line for a group of bullies. I’ve emailed the school on an evening if need be with details so that the school can deal with it asap. The school have dealt with it but try to stress to my child to tell them straight away so they can deal with it there and then. Questions to ask School would be how they log the incidents especially important where it is ongoing, how they will keep your child safe. The bullies of my child have bullied children in the past by riling them up or using other children to do it. It is very manipulative. I’ve been talking to mine about walking away and telling someone. The school understand if he does retaliate, doesn’t always but sometimes he had to to get away, and whilst they don’t condone it he hasn’t been punished for it. I think children who deliberately rile others up are the cause of the problem and need to be dealt with. Good luck it is awful.
Does the after school club have any connection to the school and what anti-bullying policies does it have in place?

[BiddyPop]

Both the afterschool activities and club are run on school premises under the PTA.

I got a call about the investigation and the 2 boys have admitted it. School and activity organiser are both taking it very seriously. Suspension from activity for the 2 boys and immediate expulsion from activity if any further incidents occur. Steps being taken to mitigate future potential problems. Head is informed. Class teacher informed. Coach informed. Parents of boys informed. Acknowledgement of targeted behaviour so bullying policy invoked. So yes, this time it is being taken far more seriously.

Activity organiser knows DD well and was very upset for her and was also - keeping it together on the phone but I could hear she was very upset herself.

But I will keep a very active eye on it, and I think the idea of emailing school of any incidents - in school or at activities- is a good one.

And yes, 1 in particular is very good at needling. DD until she explodes and enjoys seeing her get into trouble while avoiding it himself many times.

About to go mop myself up again to board my plane home. Thanks for the calming words

[Ploppie4]

Well done. Email any incident. Keep chatting to your child