7 year old always in trouble for talking/silliness in school(23 Posts)
Hoping someone can offer me some advice/reassurance!
My dd is in year 2 and is 7 years old. She's always been full of energy but generally well behaved. Outside of school I can take her anywhere she she is polite and well behaved, everyone always comments on this and therefore find it hard to believe me when I tell them she is always in trouble at school!
Is nothing 'serious' but generally things like talking out of turn, talking at carpet time and when she is supposed to be doing work, and silly behaviour "trying to make people laugh". This has been since reception now and it's driving me mad! She's even changed schools (as we relocated) during this time and it's no different so it's not the school/teacher.
We've tried all sorts of strategies at home; reward charts, pocket money, ignoring silliness etc to no avail. It's difficult because at home she is generally very well mannered and so it's difficult to target this behaviour at home!
The teachers always comment on how intelligent she is and how fantastic her work is if she will only pay attention and focus on what she should be doing instead of talking.
Can someone help or offer any words of advice? Is it something I should be especially concerned about or will she grow out of it?
Normal in my experience and in our school there are several DC who tend to be like that. I am going to suggest a couple of things that stopped it for us to a great extent. Check her hearing as our DD had glue ear. When ever her hearing dropped, she started messing about in class. She basically couldn't quite hear so immediately mucked about and talked and shouted out in group carpet time etc
She has to sit on front row etc and near whoever is giving instructions.
In sports lessons / classes she does its not an issue as its practical and if she cant hear, she copies everyone else...
We also use fiddle & fidget toys which were recommended to us. Gives DC some thing to fiddle with when asked to sit still and listen. Its a technique used on adult training courses to aid concentration. Any small plastic toy would do e.g. Rubix cube, plastic bead necklace like worry beads etc
I have a seven year old like this. She's lovely but very chatty and whenever nervous or anxious about school work chats more than she should. School are good about it and we enforce her to wait if we are talking but she's naturally very chatty like her dad and grandma. To be fair the kid has a lot to deal with as her siblings both have autism. She's slightly immature aswell.
In our case she is fine 1:1 or where she can watch others e.g. Swim lessons. She scruggles however to hear properly in a noisy classroom if she cant lip read the teacher etc. IN our case she was exactly as you describe. We had a long chat and she told me should couldn't always here and it annoyed her....
There is a girl similar to this in one of my DD's out-of-school activities. IMO, she gets it from one of her parents who does the same thing, so in her case it's just learned behaviour! It is irritating, though.
What do the teachers do about it ATM?
You say she is well behaved at home but also say you ignore her silliness. Maybe she is 'funny' or 'cute' at home and you laugh at her rather than telling her to stop. This can translate into just plain naughty at school. You dismiss it as not serious so are probably undermining the schools efforts to help her understand it is serious and affects the learning of others.
It's nothing serious?
I expect the expectations at school and home are very different. Is she the centre of attention at home? In school it is actually serious if silly behaviour stops others from learning. Is she never "silly" at home?
The trouble with having something to fiddle with in class is that it basically distracts the other children. And the children who have had them end up messing about with them, and not paying attention.It's more trouble than it's worth, and we don't generally allow it in our year 2 classes.They should be able to sit without "something to do" for a short period of time, at teacher input etc., and focus on what is being taught, rather than letting their mind wander to what is in their hand.
Our school uses then successfully in yr2 but they have to be small and non noisy. Massive help in our case and teacher very happy
OP is she an only child and does she do other extra curricular is she at that e.g. Swim lessons, rainbows, beavers, gym etc?
My point is what if a DC is not the vast majority? I'm only suggesting as it helped us and a couple of others. If my DD didn't have that she unpicked her uniform, tapped her feet, played with the Velcro on her shoes (noisy and drove teacher mad), poked class mates etc. She is very very bright but can't sit still. She also excels at sports
Is nothing 'serious' but generally things like talking out of turn, talking at carpet time and when she is supposed to be doing work, and silly behaviour "trying to make people laugh".
its very serious, how can you say its nothing serious? I would suggest you step up your sanctions at home
Its an issue yes and OP knows that. She is asking for help not a flaming.
Its not serious in that its not fighting, throwing things, breaking things, name calling, bullying, running away, drawing on other on peoples work, or any other manner of more serious things that Yr2 might do.
Are you all seriously saying that your DS and DSs all sit nicely at all times, concentrate every carpet time, dont mess about and get distracted to various degrees???
Ours is a large outstanding school and I know at least 6 parents over 3 classes who have experienced similar with their DS or DD at some point still in year 2 as we have chatted about it. One very bright girl is known for day dreaming, not listening, ignoring what she is asked to do unless she wants to do it etc. Is that not normal for some children too at age 6/7?????
I have another friend whose DD was forever sitting refusing to do any work, going to the toilets and not returning for 20 minutes mid lesson, mucking about, talking over the teacher, talking at carpet time. They had to introduce a personal behaviour chart with hourly slots for her which in her small prep school was feasible. Again, very bright child ( and glue ear) and parents who tried everything at home. Some DC are very spirited and not as compliant as others.
Get her to list things she likes doing. Tiny free things are best. Slot one in for each day of the week. Ask the teacher to let you know how she's done each day. If it's a good day do the treat, if not don't. Let the actions do the talking. There's really nothing to discuss - if she is able to behave but would prefer not to then there needs to be a response. Don't do it as a "be good and I'll give you a treat". Have the treats as a normal part of her evening and just remove them when she messes up.
Thanks smellyboot for your responses, and for not making me feel like I'm failing as a parent!
I for one do not find her silly behaviour 'cute' and although I said she is generally very well behaved at home, of course she is silly at times, as all children are. She has only just turned 7. In fact I'm often worried too strict.
As smellyboot has pointed out, I am very much aware this is an issue hence me starting the thread in the first place, but talking out of turn or having to be reminded to be quiet is hardly the same as bullying, throwing things, vandalism, answering back to the teachers...I could go on.
Her last parents evening was fantastic and her teacher was very pleased with her...she's no monster. She's a child! She has lots of friends and is very kind and caring. This is mainly coming from her telling me after school that she has been talking on the carpet, didn't finish her work etc.
I'm going to speak to the school again next week to see if there's something more we can do. My partner is a governor at the school so of course this is embarrassing and we want to get it sorted asap.
Talking out of turn or having to be asked to be quiet, if it happens regularly, can be incredibly disruptive in the classroom. It disturbs both the teaching and other children's learning. No, it's not bullying, throwing things or vandalism, but it still very disruptive.
I think it's a very sensible idea to go and see the classteacher again to try and develop some shared strategies.
I think its easy to forget that she's only just 7. Only just. She sounds pretty normal and spirited in my experience. The daily chat with teacher is a great idea if you can. In our case the teachers are not always on the door at home time (TA and could be another teacher) and mine are in afterschool some days. We do make the effort to ask the teacher once a week however. The teacher emails me if we have any particular incidents or bad days; we have had some interesting days to say the least. Late nights dont help either - if we have one, we see it the next day etc
if her teachers find her intelligent and capable of producing excellent work maybe she isn't being challenged enough and is bored?
I'm definitely going to suggest the daily communication. Something similar was set up in her last school but the teacher seemed to forget about it during periods when there were no problems and then it never really materialised again.
We both work full time so unfortunately are never there in the playground when she is coming out of school but a communication booklet would be a good idea.
People have said in the past that maybe she isn't being challenged enough yes, but I'm not sure. She enjoys coming home and telling me what she's learned, absolutely loves doing her homework, writing stories, reading. She certainly takes in the things she is learning at school because she tells me, she's very sharp - we'll see. Thanks very much for the helpful posts.
Hope it went well OP. Overall it sounds like she's doing great so hopefully the teacher will be happy to help you with feedback so you can take timely action / rewards. Its harder I think when you aren't at the gates as some times it can be the next day before you find out and try and speak to D in my experience. I asked our teacher to drop me a note on email imed after school / in eve if there was any issues as I only pick up at 3.30 a couple of times a week and the specific teacher may not be the one on the door that day.
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