School fees and nightmare family

(7 Posts)
KatieBW Tue 11-Oct-16 13:45:39

I have an older son with a previous partner for whom I pay to keep in school, mainly single handedly, its been a struggle because my business is not doing so well in the last few years. I have a new partner and we have a DD, my partner is older and has two grown-up children. When it came to putting our DD into school I was very clear that I could not afford more school fees and so I found our DD a state school place. However, my partner comes from a rich and controlling family, he himself is very asset rich and had put his older children through private school, and he and his mother pushed for an expensive prep school place, on the basis that his mother would pay the fees. I was very reluctant to get involved, do not ever want to be saddled with more fees (i'm on the home stretch with my DS), but was bullied into accepting on the basis I was ungrateful and entitled?! Now, just over a year in, my MIL is pulling the plug and saying she can no longer afford to pay and that this will be the last year she does. Of course, we have lost the good state school place we had and I feel that my DD will struggle with any change. My partner could afford fees but basically doesnt want to spend the money, as he sees it as one gigantic lump sum and anyway, has commitments to his older children re buying them property. I feel like I am stuck in a situation not of my own making and with a bunch of controlling narcissists, all I want is for my daughter to feel happy and stable but that her education has become another thing for them to use in their strange family dynamic. Sorry if I come across as a spoilt madam, the relationship itself is very unstable and my partner is verbally abusive, I am in a difficult situation financially but I struggle to cope with the pressure and instability created by the changing situation at home. Any advice? Im really struggling.

Bobochic Tue 11-Oct-16 13:47:40

You should leave your partner and make your own decisions about your DD's schooling.

GiddyOnZackHunt Tue 11-Oct-16 13:50:18

Honestly? You need to think about leaving your p. Your dd will get more benefit from an OK school and a happy home then from a fancy school and a horrible father.

ilovegreen Tue 11-Oct-16 22:21:40

I feel for you. I would put DD on the waiting list(s) at the good state school(s), and then pay the current private school fees until a place comes up. My DC's state school has new kids every year/term and they are all welcomed in and are very popular, so I'm sure that she would be okay, though I appreciate it might be unsettling.

Mamabear12 Wed 12-Oct-16 10:49:32

I would insist your partner pays for DD education. He has an obligation to her! His children are grown up and buying them property is ridiculous to do if he can then not send his daughter to school, when he paid for the older ones to go to school. It seems like he favouring his older children over his DD. I understand that it is difficult to get on property ladder w out help. However, the older kids should understand that DD should also have same benefits they did w schooling. Its crazy to think your partner would not want to do the same for his DD. I am not against state schools at all...as my DD goes to one and my son will too. I am against the position you have been put into by your partners MIL and his choice of favouring the older kids!!!!!!!!

tinkerella1 Wed 12-Oct-16 14:56:41

I think your partner has his priorities all wrong. His other children are grown up and are old enough to fend for themselves. If they want to get on the property ladder its up to them to save up. Or perhaps suggest the MIL contributes to that instead? I wouldn't be surprised if the kids have asked the MIL to help them already hence the withdrawal of funds...
Its really unfair on your daughter to be caught in this situation. I'm sure she'd be happy in either school but the potential change could be unsettling.
It might be better for her to move sooner rather than later and I'm sure if you contact the school they will advise you on if/when a place will come up.
I think your daughter will be fine with the move now. But you might want to point out to your partner that as she gets older she might just start to question why school fees and property deposits were available to her Dad's other children and not to her... He needs to treat them equally. He's making a problem for the future never mind the stress he's causing now.

Chalk2000 Wed 12-Oct-16 19:32:07

Could you speak to your daughters current school explain the situation and see if they might help with a bursary ?

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