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Single mum and competitive 4+ assessments

8 replies

Homely1 · 02/04/2016 21:23

Please could anyone offer advice. DC will be doing competitive 4+ assessments in Jan. I am a single mum. DC is starting to go to ex with view to going overnight. I am worried that DC will not be able to cope with staying away from me such that she will not be able to 'prepare' or perform well on the day. Ex is very uninterested. I am worried that DCs chances will not be the best. Any experience or advice please?

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ridinghighinapril · 03/04/2016 07:40

Where about do you live?

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AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 03/04/2016 07:48

I think an assessment, 9 months away, is no reason to limit contact.

Changing her days, so she leaves from your home if you want to be the parent who takes her, is probably advisable. But you've got months to get him to agree with that. And, more importantly, get her happy and confident there.

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Homely1 · 03/04/2016 20:34

Thank you

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ridinghighinapril · 03/04/2016 22:02

Just realised my question earlier seemed a bit random! The reason I was asking is that in some parts of the country (including within London), there is a big difference in the amount of prep or tutoring that happens in the build up to the 4+ and it may be that you are in an area that doesn't have a prep/tutoring culture.
I live in such an area and my DC have been successful at 4+ and 3+ and provided your DD enjoys her time at her father's and he interacts and engages with her then that's all that he (or you) can do. Nearer the time of the assessments gently prepare her to separate from you whilst giving her the reassurance that you will be waiting close by for her.
Good luck!

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Homely1 · 03/04/2016 22:08

London and it is fierce. Ex does not engage in the same way and does not do activities that DC loves. Different mindset that children do whatever the adult wish.

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Homely1 · 03/04/2016 22:09

.... In other words, his attitude does not help as there is no engagement etc etc

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MMmomDD · 04/04/2016 00:39

I would think its most important that your DC gets used to whatever arrangement you as parents agree on. And that there is no ongoing tension, as much as it is possible.

It is less important what your ex does with the child on his days, as long as you do what you think is necessary on your days. The "prepping" for the assessments at 4 is not a daily undertaking. Both of my DDs did it in the Central London and did well. I did try to stimulate and expose them to a lot of things, but it wasn't like a school, and certainly wasn't a daily "program". Also - I assume DC is/or will be spending some time at a nursery school, which also provide all kinds of stimulation.

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Homely1 · 04/04/2016 20:27

Thank you too. MMmomDD. Were you a single mum too when you DDs were doing these?