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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

how do you know when it's time to move schools?

24 replies

BlackHillsofDakota · 20/03/2016 19:19

Dd is in year 4, she suffers from anxiety. She crys most days and will not go in to school without me in the mornings. School have been less than useless and this has been going on for several years now.
We were referred to the family support scheme and she got 6 sessions with a counsellor but then it stopped. I feel like we have both been labelled as a pain in the arse now and the head teacher can hardly disguise how much she dislikes me.
Now we also have friendship issues, dd has a best friend who has been there since nursery. In sept a new girl started which has made a friendship triangle, never a good thing! The teacher mentioned at parent evening that it was an issue but she didn't know what to do about it. Dd is now regularly in tears as she's being left out.
Should I move her or persevere?

OP posts:

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 20/03/2016 19:30

Move, as long as you have researched the new school. It's a long time to be unhappy. Would you stay in a job you didn't like for that long?

BlackHillsofDakota · 20/03/2016 19:35

Thank you, that's my gut feeling then I doubt myself. It's such a hard decision but I feel like I'm failing her if I leave her unhappy for another 2 years.

OP posts:

IAmTheWhoreOfBabylon · 20/03/2016 19:40

My DD was unhappy at school. Crying and not wanting to go in
The school were useless and told me not to believe her
Things got worse and worse and she was left out and ostricised
The teachers used her as a scape goat and encouraged children to tell tales about her
We moved schools and she is a different child. It has been so positive
We waited too long, that is my only regret

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 20/03/2016 19:47

'We waited too long, that is my only regret' that is what many people who have moved their children say. Dd was transformed when we moved her. In fact just the relief that she didn't need to go back was clear.

BlackHillsofDakota · 20/03/2016 20:28

Thank you! These are the stories I wanted to hear. I really do feel all communication with the school has broken down.

OP posts:

Muskey · 20/03/2016 20:44

The minute you start loosing faith in a school for whatever reason is the moment that you need to start reassessing if the school was the right choice. I like many others felt really bad that I left things too long.

I really hope things start getting better for you and your dd

Cookingwine · 22/03/2016 22:14

DD started to be really unhappy in y3, never a good day, crying most evening, friendship issues, falling behind academically, getting stressed and disorganised, panicking, I was at a complete loss and the school didn't see any problems, she was keeping it all in. I changed her school in year 4, it was a bit better, but she still had "issues". To make a long story short she was diagnosed with ASD in y6. Just saying...my thinking when I decided to change school was that the problems were either caused by the school or inherent to DD, in which case they would come back, as they did in our case. But it is worth changing school as a starting point.

greenbloom · 22/03/2016 22:22

I'd certainly move schools. A fresh start can be an excellent thing at that age.

BlackHillsofDakota · 23/03/2016 17:43

Thanks all, we went and visited the new school today and dd has decided she would like to move. They have one space so fingers crossed we get in.

OP posts:

Muskey · 23/03/2016 20:01

Good luck op

IAmTheWhoreOfBabylon · 23/03/2016 20:41

Good luck

StrumpersPlunkett · 23/03/2016 20:45

Good luck, your update does sound positive.
We moved our boys 3 years ago and the change in DS1 has been amazing, his confidence has grown in a quiet inner way and he believes in himself in a way I have always hoped.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 23/03/2016 23:49

Good luck. If they have a space and there is no waiting list (assuming it is a state school) then they should give it to you. I litually dashed up to the school when I found out there was a space to submit an application form for dd2 (application went through school not LEA).

BlackHillsofDakota · 24/03/2016 14:46

We've got the space!! It's all so quick, today is her last day at the old school and she starts at the new one on the first day back after Easter. It couldn't have worked better!! Thanks for all your encouragement, I'm hoping she will be happier now

OP posts:

Luna9 · 24/03/2016 14:55

I would have moved her ages ago; how can you put up with a child that doesn't want to go to school everyday and that is clearly unhappy. This could affect her in her adult life

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 24/03/2016 14:56

I moved one child - twins now in separate schools - it's been the best decision I made - now blooming!

BlackHillsofDakota · 24/03/2016 19:48

Well aren't you a charmer Luna, thanks for the support

OP posts:

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 24/03/2016 20:02

I would have moved her ages ago; how can you put up with a child that doesn't want to go to school everyday and that is clearly unhappy. This could affect her in her adult life

Because you think it's a phase things will settle the new school might have issues the third wheel may move groups etc etc

It's a huge decision - not to be taken lightly

HanYOLO · 24/03/2016 20:08

Ignore Luna (she clearly has no experience of such things)

Sounds like a good move OP. All of the children I know who have moved schools have blossomed.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 24/03/2016 20:45

Really pleased for you. If you can try to get some uniform for the first day, even if just a summer dress and similar colour jumper. The school were happy for dd to go in any clothes and were surprised when she turned up with uniform but for dd it was important to fit in from the start. You probably will need to make a little effort at the beginning with playdates, and it is strange for you going to a new playground. Really hopes it works out well for you.

Luna9 · 24/03/2016 20:45

Apologies; didn't mean to be rude; just think 4 years is a long time to be unhappy and I feel for you dd; it clearly looks like things are not changing in the current school; perhaps I misunderstood and is only recently that she has been unhappy and not the 4.5 years she has been there.

Cookingwine · 24/03/2016 22:34

It was not only rude but completely inappropriate and useless comment

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womdering · 28/03/2016 06:42

Luna, how insensitive! It's distressing enough to have a child who's unhappy at school! OP clearly stated how shed tried to support her and work with the school on making changes.

Anyway, I wish your DD luck, OP. I recently moved both children and they are happier. I have tried to make a concerted effort re. play dates. I'd recommend doing that - I'm sure you've thought to, anyway. Please come back to update us on how she's getting on!
Teachers usually look after new children particularly well, knowing that it's hard to settle in socially and with new systems/ routines, expectations, etc.
I noticed a change in my children within several days. It was truly remarkable!

CB2009 · 31/03/2016 11:08

Good luck OP. Glad that you were able to sort out a move so quickly. Fingers crossed this will be a new and positive experience for you all

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