Reception Class Party - DD says no but I think might change mind..?

[OneTruffleTooMany]

DD is turning 5 within the next half term. We went to a few class parties last term and DD frequently spoke about "when it's my party" afterwards. However, we've chatted briefly about possibilities a couple of times over Christmas and after initially saying she wanted a "princess party" she's now saying she doesn't want a class party at all, just a family party (2 other children, 6 adults) as she's had in the past. My worry is if I go along with this she'll change her mind nearer the time when it will be too late to arrange anything :(

Anyone else had a similar turning-5 year old and have words of advice?

Thanks!

[bojorojo]

Does it have to be a party ? Would a couple of friends like to see a film with her? Or join in with family? If she has had invitations, would you expect her to be invited again if she does not have a party or extend any invitations at all? Does this matter? It may not but friendships can form in this way and you do not necessarily want to be excluded. No to a princess party in this house - we did traditional games for boys and girls .

[WhattodoSue]

She might change her mind once back at school for a week. My ds YR wants to give up on school (and for me to retire), but that is partly because we have just spent a lovely two weeks together. Normal routine will resume soon. Sadly.

[OneTruffleTooMany]

thanks ladies - reading back I know I'm being a bit (lot?!) PFB.

So far about half the children with birthdays have had full class parties, the rest don't seem to have had anything. It would feel very awkward being the first to break the mould especially as large proportion of the class knew each other before starting - DD knew no-one but has settled in well and is thriving.

I do feel a like I should be returning the favour of throwing a party after going to several, but I hadn't considered invites in future years. Does "only inviting children who invited you before" start by yr1 ? I do expect parties to be smaller/fewer by then, but would feel sad if she was noticeably excluded every time, especially as it's because she doesn't want to be the centre of attention (yet) rather than we can't be bothered to do it.

Yes, thinking she might change her mind again on return to class - this would be good, if the decision sticks!

[Greengrass1982]

Private messaged you

[Inkymess]

Different schools have different party cultures. I have friends with DC at schools where parties are rare. We had loads in YrR and Yr1. Lots did whole class. Lots did less due to the expense. Some joined up to do joint ones. Some parents just did the family thing. Luckily everyone agreed it should be their and Childs choice and no one takes offence. Ask her again on Friday!

[bojorojo]

We did the "invite back" for a couple of years but my DD1 had an August birthday so we knew where we stood! DD2 invited nearly everyone but this was a small class in an independent school and it was the norm for most. Kept us busy trecking around everywhere! Never mind the expense of the presents! Joint ones became popular too.

You do not have to make her blow out candles and dress up especially for a party so you can do a low key one of traditional games. We had a brilliant entertainer for several years. I do think you neeed to be careful of not having a party at this very early stage. By about 7-8 years old treats for a few friends are popular - and sleepovers. I think by then you will know what her group of friends are doing so you just slot in. Hopefully. (See below)

I would not risk her not being invited to parties at this age but my DD1 stopped being invited to parties even when most of the class were invited so I can assure you there is no telling what others will do. The number of times I stood outside the school gate and parents would say, "See you tomorrow/later at X's party" and I would have say they would not because my DD was not invited. And, yes, it was very upsetting for her. She actually tried to blag an invite to one party and assured me she had been invited, although no invitation had come home. I checked with the Mum and obviously she was not wanted - there was no gift for her at the end of the party apparently and the birthday child was told off (in my hearing) for saying my DD could attend. We started to look at boarding schools that afternoon. Worked for us and the cliques were abandoned. Just in case you were wondering, my DD is lovely and has more friends now than most of us have had hot dinners!

[tobysmum77]

Inviting back definitely does go on and we've had some because of that but I think in later years most people just invite who they want.

[TeenAndTween]

I have never done a whole class party.

DD is an autumn birthday. I have always discussed with DD what she wants based on a set of options, given her a limit, let her choose people with guidance.

DD always enjoyed attending smaller parties much more than whole class ones, which she tended to find a bit overwhelming.

If you do 'inviting back' you may end up full of people who invited yours to a whole class party, but not their special friends.

[halcyondays]

if she did change her mind, you could always invite a few friends from her class to a small party at your house, which could be organised at fairly short notice. quite a lot of people only give out invites close to the day of the party. It doesn't have to be a whole class party.

[reni2]

Invite back does happen, especially for some of the more expensive, spectacular parties like trampoline or aquarium. We've been to some where dc has been a friend, but not a terribly close one compared to party size and I am convinced they were invite back.

Friendships can be formed like this in the early years. It doesn't matter too much for one year, but after two no-invites some find their invites do dry up a bit, too. There are fewer whole class parties from y1 around here, so you can be dropped off the list for all but the closest 1 or 2 friends.

[Thecatisatwat]

In my experience there were a few whole class parties in YR but by Y1 they had dropped down to half class or less parties. DD's birthday is early September so on her first birthday at school she knew no-one (at school) so we invited outside school friends round and had a starting school/birthday party.

In Y1 I think we invited about 15 kids (mix of school and outside friends) to a soft play party. Now DD is in Y4 it's strictly friends only and we take them to Pizza Express or Pizza Hut. No parents that I know have ever been offended by somebody's party arrangements (assuming best friends have been invited), most parents are glad to get their weekends back especially when they remember the 2 parties on one Saturday scenario!

And I never particularly worried about return invitations, I just made sure we gave a lovely present which we knew the child would appreciate.