5 1/2 year old misbehaving in class. Help!

[NigellaEllaElla]

Hi,

My son is 5 1/2 and in year 1. Every parents evening we are told the same thing, that his behaviour is variable, he sometimes misbehaves, all fairly low level stuff, flicking rubbers and pencils, not listening first time, knocking down a tower someone else has built. It's mainly silly stuff, he likes to act the clown.

He is in the top group in his class in terms of what he is achieving, but we have been told he is capable of so much more if he would just settle down a bit. We have tried all sorts to try and get this message through, we've read books on good behaviour etc. I've tried interrogating him every night so I can try to find out if he has been good or not. Teacher says he doesn't feel it's necessary for a daily handover as it's not just him and it is all fairly low level stuff.

I know there are two other boys in the class who are a few months younger than him that are also doing the same sort of stuff.

I know he is only 5 and the Teaching Assistant has told me today that it is just an immaturity thing and he will grow out of it but I really want to try and nip it in the bud. It's a small school too and I am worried he will end up with a reputation which will follow him through school.

I did think about doing a chart of some kind and getting him to help me decide on various examples of good behaviour and bad behaviour and putting them in the correct column on the chart but wondered if anyone has any other ideas? I really really want to help and support him without coming down on him like a tonne of bricks. He is well aware what is right and what is wrong. Seems he just likes to be the class clown!

We've got reward charts etc in place but ultimately I don't know what he is doing in the day at school so it's difficult as I'm reliant on him for info.

[Greywacke]

Just thinking about it from a different angle, is he bored? You mention the teacher says he is capable of much more and he is top of the class.

Is he getting class work done? In which case part of it may be he needs an extension task to stretch him further.

It may be something else but just wanted to give you a different perspective on it.

[NigellaEllaElla]

Hi both and thanks for replying.

I don't think it's boredom, husband suggested that but he is getting his work done but kind of coasting through with the minimum effort. He absolutely loves school too and can't wait to go and he is really popular with the staff despite all this.

One of the books we've been reading is about "We work hard and we don't waste time" and it's aimed at his age group and shows the consequences on others when you play up. He totally gets this and talks about it with me and on the way to school he tells me he's going to be good etc and I really believe the intentions are there but as soon as these other two boys arrive it is like a switch is pressed and they all get over excited to see each other and it all begins.

I really think it is an immaturity thing too but wondered if there were any suggestions for exercises we could do to make it click together for him or if I've just got to keep going and ultimately sit it out till he grows up a bit.

[Bobyan]

I'm having exactly the same with my 5 year old Ds. I'm actually now getting fed up with the school not disciplining him and repeatedly telling me that he's distracting the other children, but never giving any consequences for poor behaviour.
Ironically the staff all tell me he's a lovely boy!

[conorsrockers]

You said in your post that you didn't want to come down on him like a tonne of bricks. Any particular reason why? You seem to have tried everything else. Maybe he needs a bit of tough love? It sounds like there isn't any BAD consequences to his behaviour as you are all trying to be so nice about it to not upset him ... Just a thought...

[Biscuitsneeded]

I posted a couple of weeks ago with a similar problem - son in Y1 who sounds very, very similar. Got some good advice but also some very judgemental posts from people who have obviously never been parents to a clever boy with an inclination to be silly/immature! The thread was called 'teacher doesn't 'get' my DS', which with hindsight was probably a misleading title because the issue is really what you describe, but you may find it useful to read. I am trying lots of things suggested but am also HOPING he really will grow out of it. You have my sympathies..

[RaisinBoys]

He'll more than likely grow out of it but in the meantime there have to be some consequences for his actions.

Could it be that he is testing those boundaries a bit? Pushing at them to see if they push back?

You don't have to come down on him like a tonne of bricks but the judicious application of some appropriate sanctions may be timely!

He can't be knocking over towers that another child has built or flicking rubbers at them, even if he thinks it's just a bit of fun and you think it's "silly stuff". A more sensitive class mate may be hating it (and their parents rightly complaining about it).

Now might be the time to teach him a little about empathy too.

[LegoIsMyFriend]

RaisinBoys makes a really good point. If a child in my DC's class (also Y1) was knocking down towers other children had built or flicking rubbers at other children, I would be expecting the teacher to be discussing with the parents of that child appropriate sanctions etc to stop it happening. I it's interesting to imagine how this situation could have been posted about by someone whose DC was in this class and having their learning disrupted. I understand behaviour charts are difficult when you're not there to observe the behaviour. Maybe a very specific discussion with teacher to agree a single behaviour approach that can b managed at home and school?

[TreadOnTheCracks]

My yr 1 DS is very similar. He has to behave well all day to earn his computer time. The teacher gives me a simple thumbs up or thumbs down as he comes out.

I also give loads of praise when he's had a good day.

I am with you on nipping it in the bud, I want him to set out on the right path.

[NigellaEllaElla]

Thanks for all the advice and ideas.

I should probably have said that I have "come down on him like a tonne of bricks" previously, but this doesn't seem to work which is why I was hoping for some alternative ideas.

The posts about how it is affecting the other children are an approach I have taken too and one of the books we read is all about how it affects others, he is generally quite a caring child and when we are reading he will show lots of empathy and on the way to school the intentions are there. It really is like he gets over excited (loves school) and loses any self restraint.

We make a huge fuss of good behaviour and he gets rewards for it, anything from a sweet to a trip to the toy shop when he has won an award at school or something.

The more I read the more I think it is all typical of an immaturity issue, I just wish I could help him hurry that along a bit somehow and get him settled down at lesson time.

[Lottikins]

I think the teachers should be taking this a lot more seriously.Deliberately knocking down other children's towers, and flicking rubbers at them, is *not in my opinion low level naughtiness, it is a fundamental lack of respect for others.

[TreadOnTheCracks]

He's only 5 lottikins!

Not the mother of a well behaved yr 1 girl are you?

[NigellaEllaElla]

Lottikins I do think you're going a bit over the top. He is 5, do you know much about 5 year old boys? Also, I never said he was flicking rubbers AT anyone and the tower incident was a one time thing, I was trying to think of examples, maybe this wasn't the best one as it was a one off.

It has been made very clear to me that he is one of a few boys in class who are like it and they are actually telling me it is nothing serious to worry about but that if we can support them by talking about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour they would appreciate it. His school has an "Outstanding" in its Ofstead as well before people start slating the school!

TreadOnTheCracks - thanks for the support, I know I'm not the only parent facing this issue, I came on here to try and get support so that I can assist in nipping it in the bud rather than leaving it and hoping for the best.

[Lottikins]

Thankyou Nigellaella I am m other to 5 children including 3 boys, as well as several years work in an early years /KS1 setting.
Boisterous energetic behaviour and an ability to concentrate and settle to work is at this age very common. However it was the deliberate knocking down of towers and flicking rubers at people which concerned me, but as you have now explained that this is a one off event, that has changed my opinion