What on earth do I do now?

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

Have a ds with SN and a dd who does not. I recently moved both dc to a new school as there was an ASD unit for my ds there. It has not worked. He was distressed and unmanageable there and the methods used for dealing with him were questionable. I don't want to go into any further detail than that.

I have withdrawn him and to be quite honest I want to withdraw dd too, just have no faith in this school now and actually feel quite sick when I go to pick dd up and when I drop her off. She has only been there two weeks, she is in Reception. She was very unhappy the first week and is still crying at drop off though does seem to be settling a little. When asked she says she wants to go back to her old school. This is not really an option as her place has been given away now. The new school that I have no faith in is also miles away from where we live. Basically if I pull her out she will not be in school for a couple of weeks while a new place is found. However the new school will most likely be very close to home and in our community so I think she and I will both feel much happier with that. In hind sight it was a complete mistake to move her and I regret it wholeheartedly but now I need to clear up the mess and do the best for her.

WWYD?

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

Oh and fwiw her being off school is not a problem as I do not work, am ds's carer.

[cjbartlett]

I'd ring her old school and make sure it's a definite no go first
I'd pull her out asap

[LynetteScavo]

I remember your earlier post about whether to move your DD back to her old school or not.

Her education will not be damaged beyond repair if your DD misses a few weeks of school. Take some time to find a school which suits your family and stick with it.

Your DD will always want to go back to her original school. Yes, it is likely she will fuss if she goes to a third school in one term!

Dont' expect any immediate miracles. Once you have found a school you are confident in, expect it to take a bit of time for your DD to settle. Infact, I think it might be best if she doesn't go to school for a while, so she can have a totally fresh start.

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

OH thank you! Have rung old school, definite no go. Now have to apply for a new school place through council. I didn't realise this but apparently in Reception it now goes through the council, you can't just ring the schools, is this right?

Your response is exactly what I want to do but am so scared of getting it all wrong AGAIN.

If I could just get some reassurance along the lines, of its only Reception, you are not damaging her educational chances forever that would help......

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

I have messed it all up but I honestly did it with the best of intentions, I really did.

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

"Infact, I think it might be best if she doesn't go to school for a while, so she can have a totally fresh start."

I thought this too. Maybe after Christmas, just she is doing so well and really does love school, well her old one anyway, I feel like I have just let her down so badly.

[LynetteScavo]

So, your DS is not in school.....is that right?

What is best for your DD? To keep her in this school until Christmas, or just take her out for the next half term?

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

No DS is not in school, I am going to HE him for the foreseeable future.

I don't know what would be best for her. What happened with ds was unpleasant and I simply do not trust this school now.

For her, she loves school and is doing well, I don't know what the right thing to do is now. I do not want her in this school after what has happened with ds but I do not want to fail her by taking her out and making her miss probably half a term.

[LynetteScavo]

In the big scheme of things you won't be failing her by her missing half a term of school...if she gets into the right school eventually.

It took me 2 weeks to find my DS a new school (which at the time seemed like an eternity!) but it was worth the search. He had had a really bad year previously...and basically missed a year of education. It took two terms to be put into the right set, but he was in Y4 by then.

I reception they learn how to line up (which she will have mastered!) letter sounds, how to sound out and blend words, basic punctuation such as capital letters, finger spaces and full stops, and how to add numbers up to 5, and find one more and one less of numbers. (Obviously they learn a lot more than this!- but if this is all you do with her at home, she will be fine. I promise.)

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

Well I do loads with her at home anyway, I go on this fab maths website called IXL and she does exercises for year 1 easily and has achieved 45% proficiency in reception maths already. I know its probably not as good but at least it feels like I am doing something. We read, do craft stuff and she writes all her letters and I can go through phonics and do the signs with her. I sat in her classroom for a week and there is so much material on You Tube for phonics that her teacher was using so I can use that.

You know, I am way more stressed about my kids schooling than I ever was about my own or even about any job I have ever had. Hence my choice of name change.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. You have been very reassuring. Really glad to hear things have worked out for your ds. You are right about it seeming like an eternity, thats for sure!

[belledechocchipcookie]

It sounds like you'll do a great job at home educating them both.

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

Thanks , I really do hope so as all avenues have been exhausted for ds and to be honest it is a relief to finally know that and be able to just crack on with it.

Dd though, she loves school and the social side of things so do want her to go. However given the choice she always says "stay at home" . Its good for her though and feels "right" where it never did with ds.

[2kidsintow]

Is it a possibility to put her name down at her old school and HE her until a place becomes available?

[3duracellbunnies]

I would agree with 2kidsintow, she seemed happy at her old school, so put name down for that and home educate, there is probably a support group near you, join english heritage or something, do some fun educational day trips. Put her name down for rainbows, explain situation, once she turns 5 if you still need it and no space then volunteer as helper and they can usu find her a space. I read that as you are one on one, compared with formal schooling you only need to do an hour a day with them. Keep some existing friendships going with play dates and hope like anything that a place comes up. If nothing then reassess in a year. Good luck.

[schoolismorestressfulasanadult]

I am bumping this to say thank you to those who posted and to let you know that we have just been offered a place at a fab primary school, to start after Christmas, our first choice in fact. Visited this week and dd seems very positive about it and I feel so happy about it, such a weight off.

[MigratingChestnutsOnAnOpenFire]

good news!