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Parents evening and "behaviour"; issues

(8 Posts)
wearymum200 Wed 12-Oct-11 19:35:02

Looking for opinions, but be gentle, I'm feeling a bitconfused
DS1is 5.5, just gone into yr1. To me, he is in many ways a typical 5 yr old, very active and lively and likes to play rough and tumble with his friends.
I've just had 1st formal meeting with teacher, who gave me sheets for his writing and numeracy targets (the numeracy he can do already, but hey, room for practice) and then moved quickly through acknowledging he's good at reading (free reader, school have helped by moving him up to y2 3 days a week for phonics, which he enjoys) to saying his behaviour is a problem. She specifically listed: messing about in the line at line up time, jigging around the classroom at tidy up time and tickling his friends on the mat at carpet time; and he doesn't like being told off. I checked explicitly that there is no "nasty" malicious behaviour going on, there isn't. And during any tasks, he sits down, completes them and has "excellent concentration." (He does, he can read for >1hr without moving more than a finger to turn the pages if he wants to and gets similarly absorbed in all sorts of other things)
TBH, it seems to me like minor discipline issues that I am expecting any primary teacher to meet regularly and deal with. And yes, I am keen to support the school and DS1 will have it made clear that he does need to learn to abide by the rules of the community. I am concerned that boredom may be part of the issue, tried to raise this and was stonewalled. But I came away feeling that this was the only thing that the teacher was focusing on and that DS is going to acquire the label of "the naughty boy" for little more than exuberance. I have agreed a strategy for dealing with behaviour, in that we will have a marble jar at home for good classroom behaviour, but is this overkill?
Sorry for long post and thank you for any input!

spottypancake Wed 12-Oct-11 19:42:40

I think in Yr 1, they ought to be capable of not messing at line up time. Your DS sounds like a clever little boy so personally, I would have a chat with him about what behaviour is acceptable and what is not and why. He must understand that messing around at line up time is not good behaviour and perhaps the teacher's way of tackling this is to raise it with you so that you can reinforce the message at home. I have an exuberant little boy in Yr 1 as well but he knows that it is not acceptable to mess around in the line etc. I think the marble jar is fine - I don't think it's overkill at all - it is important to learn to abide by school rules.

cansu Wed 12-Oct-11 19:42:41

Try not to take it personally. It seems that the teacher is feeding back to you that your ds is being a little silly and disruptive. Telling you doesn't means she isn't dealing with it, just that she is letting you know so you can support the teacher and your ds. I don't really know what you are upset about?? I understand that we all want our dc to be perfect because we think they are, but lots of dc find it difficult at times to follow the classroom rules. Just be supportive and don't take it to heart.

RoadArt Wed 12-Oct-11 19:50:48

I personally think it is good that the teacher is keeping you informed.

Children messing around is disruptive for other children and if the child is seen to be getting away with it then the other children will copy their behaviour.

We all like to think our kids behave at school and you have had a shock to hear that your child isnt and the teacher is making you aware and that fact that you now are, you will be talking to your child about how he can improve etc.

Dont take it to heart, it sounds like she is an open and honest teacher who is being upfront and giving you all the details.

slavetofilofax Wed 12-Oct-11 19:53:40

A marble jar sounds like a great idea. Is yor son motivated by it? The rewards need to be visible and quick in coming!

Do you have a communication book that you could use so that you and the teacher know about behaviour that goes on in eachothers environments?

I wouldn't go on too much about the boredom thing, it can come across to a very good teacher as a critisism, and if the other children aren't bored, then it won't be that. Even if your son is academically clever! I say that as someone whose son taught himself to read fluently at 3, even though that was just part of his aspergers.

Either way, children do need to learn to deal with a little bit of boredom at school, it's just part of life. The teacher cannot possible stimulate him the entire time he is at school, he needs to begin to deal with his feelings, and learn how to behave in a more appropriate way now that he is five and a half.

RoadArt Wed 12-Oct-11 19:55:42

You mentioned about your DS being bored, and this is an issue that many parents face when their children are bright, and there isnt very much you can do about it at school, so keep him occupied and busy and challenged with activities at home, ie sports, football, gym, park, swimming etc as well as well as many games to encourage maths english and science.

In Year 1, social skills are more important to be developed and they tend to focus on this as more of a priority. If a child is already capable of the academic skills then the social skills will become more of a priority

wearymum200 Wed 12-Oct-11 19:59:59

OK, so maybe I'm feeling over-sensitive, thanks for replies. The 1st thing DS1 said to me when I picked him up was "I got a house point today for lining up nicely", so he CAN do it when he wants.....
The marble jar will probably be linked to getting a new book when he has 10 marbles (he is motivated to read aloud (which bores him) by the carrot of a new beast quest book for a week's completed reading (lucky red house have them on special offer)

hawesmead5 Wed 12-Oct-11 20:01:50

I teacher year 1 and I'm afraid that I do expect the children to line up smartly and sit on the carpet well. I would also keep the parents informed as to how I was dealing with this behaviour in class. It sounds petty that she has said he is not sitting and listening at carpet time, but it is often essential teaching time. If your child is bright then he may not fall behind, but I would also be concerned for the other children that he may be disturbing. Having said that it is essential that she is also praising him when he is behaving well and making sure that he is challenged through questioning to ensure that he is not just switching off during carpet time.

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