Pupil / teacher personality clash?

[Helenagrace]

Has anyone ever experienced a personality clash between their DC and their class teacher?

How did you handle it?

[MrsRobertDuvall]

How old is dc?

[missmuddle]

yes

not very well

suggested ds was not overkeeen - teacher shocked and i think a little naive to to think she would not encounter this so basically did not deal with the problem but we plodded through the year ds made very little progress

[Helenagrace]

Year one.

[DownbytheRiverside]

You handle it by expecting the teacher to behave professionally, and to abide by school rules on discipline and behaviour.
I have disliked children I have taught, so I have recognised that and ensured that I didn't treat them in any way other than fairly.

[stripeybump]

Professional teachers don't let dislike of a child get in the way of teaching them and treating them absolutely equally. It's key to the job. Children not liking their teachers is par for the course.

So the concept of a 'personality clash' means one of the following, ime:

1. the child is constantly misbehaving and suffering the consequences, and thinking they are being picked on
   
   
2. the teacher doesn't like the child and isn't doing a good job of hiding it, which is very unprofessional
   
   
3. the teacher is different in manner to other teachers the child has previously had, less effusive or whatever

[cece]

Can you be a bit more specific by what you mean by a personality clash?

[seeker]

Need more info!

[stripeybump]

I was once told by a parent that her daughter had a personality clash with me - it was based on me challenging her DD every morning about her scruffy uniform, her eating in class time and her lateness. The earnest mother genuinely believed my regular dressings down of her daughter constituted a 'personality clash' rather than me treating her the same as any other student who behaved the same

[stripeybump]

Actually the whole concept makes me quite cross.

Pupil is there to learn from the teacher, personalities shouldn't be an issue.

[Helenagrace]

DS is really unhappy and I'm trying to work out what's going on.

He loved reception and all the feedback was that DS is bright, cheerful, helpful and hard working but needs challenging.

This year we've had a stream of negative feedback at going home time. DS. doesn't sit still in assembly, he fidgets on his chair and he takes a while to calm down after outdoor play are the latest comments. I have spoken to DS about all this. I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to do. She has also made negative comments about my son to another parent at the classroom entrance at drop off time. The other parent hadn't asked about my son or complained about him. As my son ran up she said "and here's my nightmare pupil".

Last year he was reading at ORT 11 and I was given extra books for him. This year he has been put in a group of stage 8 readers. I kind of assumed that this was a school initiative so I asked about the extra books and was told that he couldn't have them until he learned to sit still.

DS likes maths puzzles and does them on the Internet (mathletics - he uses the login from his sister's school). She's asked us to stop him doing them as it's not fair on the other children. I'm no pushy parent - he does them because he likes them.

I'm trying to work out what is happening and if the problem is DS, the teacher, the school or us.

[Pancakeflipper]

Year 1 ? Really? I doubt if it is a personality clash. The child might not like the teacher but I doubt it is their personalities clashing. As already mentioned, the teacher is a professional.

I have seen some parents and teachers clashing. And that's not usually personality either.

[Pancakeflipper]

Crossed posts. If she is calling your child a nightmare pupil to other parents then you need to have calm chat with this teacher and also ask for the keystage leader to be there. Bring up the reading etc... calmly to find out what is going on. If he was fine in reception perhaps have a word with the previous teacher to see if she can help explain what is going on.

[stripeybump]

Hmm several issues I think. Not a personality clash though!

1. your main issue is the change in feedback regarding your son's behaviour. This I'm afraid you have to take on the chin and support the school. Year 1 is more about a proper school situation where your son will at times be required to sit quietly - this wouldn't have been much of an issue in Reception.
   
   
2. the teacher should not be talking about your son like that to other parents and you'd be justified in making a complaint to her about this.
   
   
3. the mathletics thing - I find it unbelievable that she wants your son to stop because 'it's not fair on the other children' - surely it's because it's incompatible with teaching methods used in the school, which would be fair enough?

[mrz]

Did you hear the teacher call your son her "nightmare pupil" to another parent? If so that isn't professional on her part.

I agree with stripeybump about mathletics I can't see why using it is in any way unfair on other pupils as it doesn't give him any advantage.

[Helenagrace]

I didn't hear the comment. I have no reason to disbelieve the other parent.

I was baffled by the mathletics comment. Stripey's comment makes sense but she said it wasn't fair. They do little maths activities at carpet time. I guess he might have an advantage in those maybe.

I get the comments about him having to sit still. Not sure what I can do to help though.

[mrz]

The other parent told you? what a cow nice friend [rolls eyes]

[mrz]

I honestly don't think mathletics will give him any advantage

[seeker]

I suppose it could depend how she said "nightmare pupil". If it was with a grin at your ds in an "uh-oh, here comes trouble" sort of a way......but it doesn't sound like that. She certainly shouldn't be saying negative things to other parents about your ds!

You need to arrange a meeting to aske what they want you to do to support them in getting him to sit still and so on- he really does need to start learning this soon.

And query the mathletics thing- there must be another reason. The not fair on other pupils is insane.

[Feenie]

Agree with mrz and seeker.

Mathletics thing is shocking if true!

[MindtheGappp]

I don't think the teacher should sanction a pupil using someone else's login and license. They have to uphold honesty and integrity.

[jenniec79]

So he's being held back (stage 11->8 reading, no matheletics) and now he's fidgety and bored

I wonder why she now has a troublemaker. Sounds like he needs to be pushed a bit and re-engaged with school.

[Feenie]

I doubt the OP would have mentioned that to the teacher, MindtheGappp, so I'm not sure that's the reason - but if so, I agree the teacher couldn't condone that.

[bigTillyMint]

It sounds like you need to arrange a meeting with the teacher and maybe the head/deputy to discuss:

• why he has been "moved back" in the reading stages - is this solely because he can't sit still, or could it be that he is not reading for meaning/inferring, etc at the higher level
  
• why she has told you to not let him do mathletics (none of her business what he does at home IMO) - is he very bright and unable to stop himself from shouting out the answers? If so, how can you and they support him to control his impulses better? Is she finding it hard to set work at an appropriate level for him and extend his learning?
  
• what is she doing to support him with learning to sit still, especially on the carpet, and is there anything you can do to support at home?
  

Is he finding the transition from reception difficult - less self-directed play / more teacher-led "work"? Or is she just failing to meet his academic needs? Or is it a mixture of the two?

[Iteotwawki]

He sounds bored. I can understand his teacher thinking he should have a grasp of classroom etiquette by now but she's not helping by using appropriate level reading as a carrot for good behaviour. He should be reading whatever stage is suitable regardless of assembly behaviour surely?

I would be extremely cross if my son's teacher referred to him as a "nightmare pupil" to another parent - would definitely complain about that.

For what it's worth, we had the same with our son when he started in reception (negative comments about behaviour and he wasn't allowed to do his own writing / reading until he learned to sit still). He's been put into a year 1 class instead (more experienced teacher) after the entry assessment - the behavioural issues have vanished.

I still think most of his problems when he started stemmed from the fact that his first teacher just didn't like him, or that he could read/write/think before he started school.

[seeker]

Lots of children can think before starting school!