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Advice on supporting yr5 girl being bullied/excluded appreciated

(4 Posts)
Yourefired Thu 30-Jun-11 01:09:36

hello, new member so apologies if posted in wrong spot. My DD (yr5) has for the most part had friends at school and outside - odd problem but had a close friendship group that have been there for her. But no more, BF has moved on (fair enough) and has been extremely unpleasant in the process resulting in the situation that my DD is excluded and feels hated by pretty much the whole class - and has been told so. This has been the case now for a couple of months and is still escalating.

I have involved the school (very supportive) and have good lines of communication with exBF's mother who is also supportive but I sense does not know the state of unpleasantness it has now reached - I can easily resolve this. My DD has three outside school friends who she sees separately once a week and many non-school hobbies.

But i'm now coming unstuck with what more I can do. Any ideas? In particular advice on whether to discuss with her at length to fully understand what's happening and act upon it or just breezily ask how her day went and move on to stop her dwelling on it.

I keep emphasising to her that this happens to most people at some point (she doesn't believe me) and that it will soon pass. We've also talked about how it all came about (she wanted to) and things that can be learnt from this.

Thanks in anticipation. My heart is breaking for her.

wonderfultykes Thu 30-Jun-11 09:59:48

Aah poor thing how horrid. Not much relevant experience but may help. DS Year 4 was ridiculed/bullied, was so upsetting and made me so angry. He was obviously being ground down (but this was only by 1 or 2 others, not class en masse). He was so low, so I talked to him about posture and assertive stance - don't slink and look miserable, or like a victim, dragging your heels: stand tall with your shoulders back and head up. Exude confidence. Look like a victim and you're more likely to be belittled. Talked about it works for adults too - in a street how an adult more likely to be mugged if sloping along rather than alert and confident. Took him huge guts but worked instantly. But this was against just a couple of people - very very good luck and huge chocolate bars.

swash Thu 30-Jun-11 10:05:46

Wonderful's advice is good, I think. I tell dd (Y2 - so different circs) that when people are being horrid all you can do is back off and find someone else to talk to. Tricky when the whole class is getting involved, of course, but there may be something she can do to occupy herself in breaktimes etc (playtime club? helping the teacher? reading a book in a quiet corner of the playground). But looking like you don't care is key.

The same thing happened to dss when he was in Y6 - his bf moved on, and a lot of his other friends were in some breaktime club that he wasn't involved in. Really hard stuff.

Yourefired Thu 30-Jun-11 16:44:41

Thank you for advice. Will work on non-victim attitude with her. Also hadn't thought of lunchtime clubs, so another idea to keep her going through this.

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