DD (11) just called me a fat cow

[wizzbangfizz]

What would you next move be, the pre teen tantrums have been getting worse but this personal insult is a very upsetting next step. Appreciate it if others could share how they deal with this kind of thing.

[Soontobe60]

I’d come down on him like a ton of bricks!!!

[MadeForThis]

Goodbye wifi.

[Bunnybigears]

It depends what your DD is normally like. With my DS I would say "are you really going to stand there in my house calling me names? Are you sure you want to do that?!" At which point they would grunt an apology go to their room and next time we saw each other it would all be fine. How do you normally discipline her?

[wizzbangfizz]

We have removed her iPad and she has been told to stay in her room where she is currently raging about how bad her life is. If it is this at 11 Christ knows what I've got to look ahead too

[Ellieboolou33]

I feel your pain my dd is almost 9 and already like a stroppy preteen!

I'd let her out of the room but withhold the iPad until late afternoon tomorrow.

What lead to her calling you names?

[wizzbangfizz]

Her and our younger DC were fighting so we said right that is it, they had already had a warning and told them to cut it out or it would be an early night. This was followed by I hate you to younger DC and your stupid fat cow to me followed by door slamming

[wizzbangfizz]

You*

[Africa2go]

Totally unacceptable. I'd tell her that was unacceptable and there'd be consequences, give her time to calm down (half an hr or so) then go for a chat. Explain about hormones, its OK to be frustrated, emotional and thats part of puberty, understand that its hard sometimes but she has to learn mechanisms (walking away, deep breaths etc). No to name calling, fat shaming, respect for other members of the family and each time she acts like that, they'll be consequences.

[wizzbangfizz]

Thanks @Africa2go and everyone who has responded, we do have talks about hormones etc and she understands but it can't be a get out of jail free card for rudeness and disrespect

[Lollypop701]

It’s lockdown, it’s tough. Not ok to behave that way, so yes I’d take iPad . But not as long as I would if times were normal. I’d have a chat, ask her why she said it/offer support then discuss punishment for her behaviour. Because she needs to able to review her own behaviour. See what she did, the impact and when she should have walked away. She’s 11, she’s learning how to moderate her behaviour when she’s angry. Times are tough. Good luck op

[doctorhamster]

I agree that it's ton of bricks time op. That would be no ipad/phone for a week in my house. And I would expect an apology.

[KarensChoppyBob]

Hope this isn't too personal a question but could menstruation be happening soon? Reason I ask is that I was 11 and my mood swings built and built up until the day before where I was literally slamming doors and cupboards and saying things I later regretted.

Just a thought.

[Ellieboolou33]

In that case I'd definitely take the laptop for at least the weekend, not the week though.

Is she maybe anxious about returning to school Monday? Still not acceptable. I dread the teenage years! Good luck op.

[Christmasfairy2020]

Gosh that's awful. But she prob feels bad enough already. I'd personally not say nowt for ages and stay quiet and don't go her room. Then in evening go up and ask what happened and why she said such hurtful things. Listen to her give cuddle and forget it

[JellyBabiesFan]

Remove her bedroom door when she is out. She can have it back when here behaviour improves. That one works a treat.

[Yellowfish2020]

Agree with the others - this would be a tonne of bricks one in our house

[Tambora]

I agree - it's ton of bricks time. She needs to know that her behaviour was a disgrace and she is to never speak like that to you or any other family member ever again.

Tell her that you love her to pieces, and you were really hurt and upset that she could call you anything like that, and that you are incredibly disappointed in her. Tell her that you thought she was better than that.

[WellBucketChain]

Well she's been in her room a long time by this point because this thread is from 5th MARCH FFS

[Yellowfish2020]

[Aprilshowersandhail]

Best advice is to leave her in there until she is old enough to leave him...
*2 x teen dd's here...

[Maggiesfarm]

@wizzbangfizz

Her and our younger DC were fighting so we said right that is it, they had already had a warning and told them to cut it out or it would be an early night. This was followed by I hate you to younger DC and your stupid fat cow to me followed by door slamming

Unacceptable but, unfortunately, quite normal.