Have I Failed

[remember1]

My nearly 13 yr old DD and I seem to do nothing but argue and fall out. I know this lockdown is difficult for her not seeing her friends etc but her attitude and behaviour are driving me to breaking point.
I am a key worker so have to be out the house on shift work. This evening, I got home at 11pm and asked her to keep her voice down speaking on FaceTime with 3 friends as she was getting animated and getting louder. I was told No, shut up, get out my room. When I told her not to speak to me like that she just kept saying louder 'shut up, go away' I admit I lost my cool and grabbed her phone off her desk. She immediately jumped up and physically jumped on me, hitting and grabbing. I am beyond devastated that she would hurt me. Her attitude has been horrid for months but this goes beyond and I literally do not know what to do. I've got her phone for now and she will not get it back but she needs it if she is to complete school work tomorrow (on Microsoft Teams)
My lovely happy clever school loving girl has turned in a few weeks into a snarling, nasty, defiant person that I cannot get through to.
I feel shit and cannot decide if I'm just a shit mum who's handled her all wrong or if this is just part and parcel of hormones, teen attitude and lockdown.

[FATEdestiny]

You're not a shit mum, I've been there, we all have

Is there anyone else at home or is she on her own while you're at work?

[remember1]

She has my partner of 8 years and her toddler sister at home whilst I work so isn't alone.
It's just the sheer defiance and aggression that shocked me. She's always been stubborn but this is a whole new level. I feel sick every night knowing the next morning is going to be a huge battle.
She goes to her dads regularly and seems to do as he asks more than me although I think he's softer about school work etc. He does back me up with her when I speak with him but I think it's to shut me up honestly and then a wink to her behind my back.
I just don't want this to be the next few years!!