More than puberty?

[Smith888]

DS12 spent the whole summer miserable on his headphones because he can't stand us - his family. He would often be spiteful if we wanted his company. He found the sex ed at school.very upsetting because he said he has no sexual feelings yet and was "made to feel abnormal."
He is turning into a man for sure, he is 165cm, has hair everywhere, including a little moustache.
Docs are quite concerned by his behaviour since he has endured long-term bullying. His behaviour over summer he says is because he was boiling over and he was s scared of what he might do if we irritated him
His outbursts are calming down a lot since starting a new school. We still have outbursts like this morning he screamed at me for being lazy for asking him to pick up his towel, then he complains his hair looks bad because his "arrogant" mum didn't arrange a haircut over the weekend - he thinks we are all stupid and he is "superior", we get constant mutterings about our behaviour.

i think it's fair to say my son is uptight and will fret if anything isn't just so. He will be moreso in public. He is not a typical tween. He is very polite, articulate etc. Perhaps too articulate - he often speaks elaborately and not appropriately for the situation.

On the flip side we have a whole day where he is an extreme of his old goofy self where walks around being silly doing impersonations all day long.

Then there's the killer clown nightmares.... after what seems like a happy day he has another one. They are getting more frequent and he even has difficulty falling asleep.

I could go on all day but don't have time...

So please tell me this is normal because I'm so stressed. Doc has spoken about medication but I'm very reluctant to go down that route....

[DogsandBoysmeanMud]

Pretty normal but don't underestimate the power of counselling if he has some PTSD from bullying.

[Candle1000]

I watched a lecture by a Canadian child Psychiatryst when my dd was struggling with puberty and adolescents (which are two different things) He explained what happens to their brains during this phase , some kids sail through it and others have an absolutely awful time. Some of the behaviour they can control but a lot of it they can’t.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=kH-BO1rJXbQ

[Smith888]

@DogsandBoysmeanMud My son has had counseling already and refuses to continue... It did help with the self esteem but I feel he still has unresolved issues as he often says friendships are pointless etc. He has recently shared his number with two boys at school so some progress there though...

[DogsandBoysmeanMud]

My DS chose to go back to counselling at secondary school after refusing to see someone at 11. He is really benefitting now at 14 because it's his choice and I have no involvement/contact with the school counsellor.

[Smith888]

I think you are right. I guess I need to be patient. My son has always surprised me by the mature decisions he can make and I am sure he will choose to do this when he is ready.

@Candle1000 am watching the video now and omg brilliant to look at puberty as brain development not hormones! I did suspect my sons obsession with music was his brain working out his auditory system and in fact he has had sensory issues in past. We worked hard on balance and vision but ran out of steam and his auditory was still somewhat out of whack. it explains his non-stop noise making/impersonations also! He is to be assessed for Auditory Processing Disorder.

[Candle1000]

I do feel for you Op . My dd (and I) went through a horrible adolescence, dreadful friendships, out of control anger, she ended up being expelled from school and my heart broke for her, all I saw was a very frightened young girl who had no idea what was happening to her.

You and your son will get there xx

[LoveGrowsWhere]

Have come to the conclusion it seriously helps to get teen boys physically shattered on a regular basis then they get a flood of different hormones & sleep well. If he doesn't like team sport then join a parkrun
family swim or individual sport like badminton. Not a scientist.

[SquirrelsInJune]

I have to say that a lot of your OP sounds familiar as my now 16yr-old was/is the same. However, my DS has autism so I'm not sure which parts of it are due to puberty and which parts are due to the autism (which in his case includes auditory processing issues.

He's always been prone to very vivid dreams and nightmares, and puberty seems to have magnified that.

I can see that at some point DS might benefit from medication to help with his anxiety but, like you, I'm hoping that it doesn't come to that yet.

[Smith888]

@SquirrelsInJune this is where we are confused. While a clinical psychologist overseas suggested 2 percent Asperger's, a leading pediatric neurologist said he was simply quirky. To add to the confusion he had an autoimmune reaction to Strep which may have been the cause of the sensory issues. We have never truly known where is stood re ASD. The docs have been concerned because some of the things he says suggests he is unaware of their impact and they feel might put him in danger, however the doc does not have children. He can also be quite paranoid so the killer clown thing has become an issue.
Its hard to know if he needs more help or not. My cousins son is the same age and having terrible problems also!