Am stumped and would really appreciate options and suggestions.
DD9 is very much in the grips of early puberty, with physical changes and noticeable mood swings. We have talked about it and she understands what is happening and it is obviously a big deal for her.
Something that is causing a lot if upset for her and for me is that she really equates being bought things with being loved. She is extremely impatient and prone to fly into near hysterics when she is denied things. When this happens she says we are terrible parents and that we obviously hate her.
It's so sad to see her so angry, sad and feeling so unloved.
I find it hard to take as I make lots of effort to show her how much I love her, so it feels hurtful to me when she just doesn't seem to feel it.
For context, she is our daughter via adoption and moved in at the age of two, and I know she has lasting issues around this. She has an avoidant attachment style and is fiercely independent. She's a determined character, funny, clever and does great at school, but struggles with self esteem.
Her brother, 10, is also ours via adoption and suffers with ADHD and behavioural problems, so can be difficult to live with at times. They have quite a fraught relationship, for which we've sought therapy although thus was largely unsuccessful.
With my son, I know, for example, that he needs certain comforts to keep him on an even keel eg a particular blanket and some sensory items. I let him have those things at they make a noticeable positive difference to him. However, when I have tried the same tack and given my daughter material things, thinking that perhaps that is her way of regulating the positive effect is fleeting, and obviously continually buying things is not feasible. Added to which she is something of a hoarder and very messy.
So, any ideas on how to help her feel love and to reduce her emotional reliance on the novelty of being treated/bought things?
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How do I make her feel the love? Materialism and self esteem
11 replies
SCST01 · 14/07/2019 13:56
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