9 year old, what weight is healthy?

[1chrismc2]

My 9 year old daughter is 5 ft 1 inches and ‘well built’ but certainly not ‘fat’ It’s causing friction between me and hubby as he’s always saying to me that she should lose weight. He doesn’t say this to her but he does question what she eat she A LOT. Tonight she’s had salmon stir fry for tea followed by a small piece of cake she made at cookery club at school. Just before bed she ate a punnet of blueberries and his comment was ‘have you eaten ALL of those.’ ( he was sitting in the room while she was eating but didn’t say anything to her until they’d all gone. She does have a bit of a tummy on her and she is very aware of this as a lot of girls at school are very very slim and she is aware she isn’t different. I’m very cautious as to what i say to her as I know how it can affect her in the future. She eats well, a good balanced diet ( I think) and does cheerleading, sports club at school one lunchtime and has just joined another gymnastics class at a weekend. I’m so worried about this whole situation and don’t feel like I have anyone to turn to. Help!!!!

[EyeoftheStorm]

It’s not your DD, it’s your DH. All your DD will hear is his critical voice/gaze and she will internalise it. He is setting her up for a lifetime of worrying about her wright.

He needs to unpick it - where does that voice come from in his own head? Is it his mum or dad? Were his family critical about weight and he’s passing it on?

Your DD sounds like a tall, healthy girl to me.

[Pinkkahori]

She's taller than my 13 year old! What does she weigh?

[CountFosco]

Use NHS BMI Checker. Make sure you use the version for children. Children shouldn't have a tummy.

I do think it's a very hard issue to address. We have 3DC, two are petite, the third is 9yo and (just) overweight. She's been putting on weight for a while and we're now addressing it by getting her to do as much exercise as possible (children should be doing a minimum of 1hr moderate exercise a day, but e.g. our eldest is sporty and has a fitness tracker and does ~20K steps a day and ~2h exercise a day according to it) and trying to reduce snacks, seconds and sugar. But because her sister struggles to maintain weight if she's poorly or tired we've got mixed messages going on because if anything I'm actively encouraging the others to eat.

[MrsRusselBrand]

Not sure I agree that children shouldn't have a tummy . It's very common for children to grow outwards and then stretch upwards and have a growth spurt . They are still growing height wise and that doesn't happen in a linear fashion , so there is often a disparity in their width , particularly around the middle and their height . My dd is now 12 and if I was comparing her to an adult , there may have been occasions when she had a 'tummy' , but she does 4 hours gymnastics a week , 5 dance classes and horse rides and eats very well . I have no doubt that she is fit and healthy and that's what I would encourage - lots of activity and a good balanced diet . My dd has taken a stretch and no sign of her tummy now , it's just often how children grow.
You will know yourself if she is becoming overweight , more than 2 sizes above for clothes ( unless very tall ) , unhealthy attitude to food , uncomfortable doing exercise, when she stretches her arms up above her head you her ribs should be visible. It's hard as a parent, we can be blind to some things but often overthink things too.