How independent is your 12 year old.

[wiziliz]

My 12 year can keep her room very clean and organized. Sometimes does her laundry. She is busy with her studies and sports clubs , so I do it. Can make sandwiches for her lunch. She can argue a lot at times, can be ungrateful, can be very sweet too. Her friends are planning for a sleepover at my place, how much should I be doing? In terms of food etc. I am really sorry, every stage of parenting is new, and challenging, I like to know what other parents do and learn from them .
Thanks.

[Petalflowers]

Your 12 year old sounds very organised and mature. Long may it last!

Regarding the sleepover, your job is to provide food, and then generally just keep an eye on things (at a distance) and that’s it.

Food can be pizza, chips, etc and plenty of snacks - crisps, popcorn, chocolate brownies, drinks, marshmallows, etc

Have some activities semi-planned -film, selfie accessories (hats, funny glasses etc), but let the evening unfold naturally,

[ConstanceSpry]

I have a nearly 12yr old and a 13yr old. At 12 my eldest could easily do the following:

• Tidy her room
  
• Clean the bathroom
  
• Do the laundry
  
• Make all her food (and I'm talking full meals)
  
• Operate all white goods
  
• Get herself up and ready for school independently without any hassle
  
• Order things off the internet
  
• Use public transport
  
  My younger child who is 12 next month struggles to make a cup of tea for herself. Every child is different!
  
  For a sleepover (depending on how many there are) I would get some of those Northern Pizza Dough Company things (raw pizza dough which you keep in the freezer until you need them) and then a load of different toppings in different bowls (olives, ham pineapple, pepperoni, peppers, mushrooms, mozzarella etc etc) and let them make their own pizza then I'd stick a movie on for them (mine absolutely loved The Age of Adaline).
  
  If that's not enough, I'd give them all manicures (depending on how many are sleeping over, that is!) or let them do their own manicures.

[theredjellybean]

When my dd and dsd were that age, they were very independent. Could very much organise and plan a sleepover... And often did.
I would ask your dd what she 'needs' you to do... I. E. What food does she want to have... We often bought stuff to make pizzas and semi supervised (stood in kitchen with glass of wine) while they made them.
Then threw bags of popcorn at them and left them too it... We only had tv in living room so they all slept there... I just retreated to bed with wine and earplugs basically.
I'd encourage your dd to plan food and movies and any other activities... Face masks, manicures etc... Depends on how girly they are, then get stuff for her and leave them to it

[Evelynismyspyname]

I have a 12 year old. I do her laundry. I do everyone's laundry. She can work the machine though and does occasionally - would if she wanted something specific washed and I was busy/ not there.

She keeps her own room very tidy - didn't always, it was a tip at 10.

In terms of food for a sleepover DD's friends just eat with us as a family, so I cook a normal family meal.

When I'm on lates either my 12 year old DD or 10 year old DS usually cooks for the 4 family members at home - I have mixed feelings about this because it means DH still never cooks! But it's good the kids can...

However if she's having several friends over, or if there won't be siblings home to feed, a good option is to suggest to your DD in advance that she and her friends make themselves pizzas or wraps - you buy in the ingredients including range of topping options. That usually goes down very well.

I wouldn't do any planning or organising for a non birthday 12 year old sleep over, aside from food. Your DD should be organising and won't want you too. You're just there in the background "just in case". You can send them to bed if they don't take themselves off by 11 though.

[wiziliz]

Thanks for the lovely replies, my 12 year old wants to cook, (use the hot plates) she is very matured to use it alone,(when I am at home). Do you mums let 12 year old use cookers? Is it legally allowed in the UK ?

[Evelynismyspyname]

Of course she can use the cooker. Presumably you'll be in the house while her friends are over?

My 12 year old comes home to an empty house twice a week and often makes herself scrambled eggs or reheats soup on the hob for lunch then, with nobody else in the house - but if she had a few friends over I'd be in the next room while they cooked on the job in case they distracted one another.

[ConstanceSpry]

Yes of course they can legally use a cooker. They should know how to use a cooker independently by this age.

[user1483390742]

My 12 year old is very mature and independent. My 15 year old, on the other hand....

[NorthernSpirit]

I would expect a 12 year old to be able to cook and use a cooker. I certainly did at that age!

This is a bit of a battle with my step daughter. She doesn’t do anything at her mums. Doesn’t tidy her room, sort her laundry, doesn’t brush her teeth and get dressed unless reminded and the only cooking she does is food tech lessons in school.

I’m teaching her to cook at ours and she loves it! Teach her some independence - she’ll thank you for it.