12yo DS breaking my heart

[poppy21333]

My 12 yo DS is as moody as the next 12yo but last night he took it to a new level. He refused to look at me, locked himself in the bathroom I silence for an hour ( I ended up undoing the lock from the outside just to see if he was still alive). He then tells me he doesn't like me and I need to get a life. He says I am a p*s take, Our house is a s*t hole and he wishes he'd never been born. He says I am too nice to him and he wants and needs nothing from me from now on. He says he is only ever happy when he is away from the house. He looked me in the eye when he said he doesn't like me. My heart is breaking. He's never spoken to me like this before. Is this normal for pre teen s and how do you not take it personally ?

[Onsera3]

Don't take it personally. I'm sure that there must be something else wrong. Now you have to try and figure out what...

[angelicjen]

No wonder you're heartbroken :(
But try not to be, he doesn't mean that at all. He probably means he is totally mixed up or hurt about something else and feels a bit lost. Shoving you away as hard as he can to see what will happen is a way of testing to see if the good, safe things about this confusing world can be relied on. He needs you to be calm, dependable and available if he does want to share what's really wrong.

[mommybunny]

That really is heartbreaking, not just the abuse he threw at you but also knowing he's so unhappy. Totally agree with angelicjen, you need to stay calm and be the unperturbed and unperturbable rock he can cling onto to get him through whatever else he's going through.

To save you worrying about him next time he comes home in such a mood I would suggest that you tell him the next time he wants to be alone he is free to go to his room and ask not to be disturbed, and that will be respected, but locking himself in the bathroom is not on. It shows him that you respect his need for privacy but at the same time he needs to respect the whole house's need for the bathroom.