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I'm back after a few years absence as being a parent was fine....

(5 Posts)
witchywitchof2biggerones Sun 14-Feb-16 12:06:46

Then my daughter turned into a Preteen and is now most definite about who her friends are and who she doesn't want to be friends with.

I'm fine with this, as at her age I wouldn't want to be told who to be friends with. However, one of the friends she has fallen out with is the daughter of my best pal. Has anyone else been through this and did your friendship with the mum survive even if your children fell out?

I totally get that in a kids world kids fall out then make up again 5 minutes later and up until now I've refused to get involved with any of the fall outs, except to say 'just be civil and treat people how you would want to be treated'.

This weekend my 12yo had a sleepover with 2 friends and point blank refused to invite the other girl - I said how would you feel if you weren't invited to a sleepover when your other friends were going and her response was she wouldn't care, and I believe that she wouldn't care. I now feel rotten for the girl who wasn't invited - I need to toughen up don't I?

Give me boys any day, my 13yo lad sailed through this pre teen stage without drama, never fell out with his friends and they still like to kick a football about occasionally!

Quoteunquote Sun 14-Feb-16 15:09:37

Just keep your friendship alive by arranging stuff together when neither girls are around.

steppemum Sun 14-Feb-16 15:41:41

dd2 is 8, I have been friends with my friend since they were toddlers.
Her ds and dd2 have always had a mixed friendship, he is desperate to play, she was magnanimous enough to tolerate him for a bit and then go off and shut herself in her room because she didn't want to play any more.

It was embarrassing, but at the same time, I didn't feel I could force dd to be friends.
We began to organise time together when dcs weren't around. Or I made sure dd1 was around and willing to play (when they were younger).

Now we have a PS3, it is easier, as he brings his controller and they play while we chat, but we don't assume they will want to.

Fortunately his mum get sit, and isn't at all precious about it, so it is easy.

steppemum Sun 14-Feb-16 15:42:34

ps, I don't buy into the boy girl stereotype.

ds was nightmare pre-teen.
dd1 was OK,
I suspect dd2 will follow her brother.

shebird Mon 15-Feb-16 18:00:13

I sympathise OP it's a really tricky position and I am currently going through this with my DD. She was best friends with 2 girls all but has cooled her friendship with one of the girls, no issue in particular just not getting along. The girls mum was annoyed as her DD was upset at being left out but I just explained that I was keeping an eye on things and gave my DDs version of events which helped her see both sides. I cannot force my DD to invite someone she is no longer friends with for tea or to a sleepover. I was very clear that DD was still to be kind, civil and was not to deliberately exclude the girl or be mean in any way.

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