DS11 googling 'comebacks to shut a bully up'...

[StruggleAvenue]

DS11 almost 12 is a relatively confident and happy boy in first year of secondary school.
However, since the start of this school year he has been dealing with some issues from one boy in particular who does seem to be an issue for a lot of other children going by what I've heard from other parents (talking swearing at, name-calling, tripping up, and just all-round horribleness) DS has generally managed this well with standard techniques we've helped him with such as trying to ignore said child, the usual 'can you stop that please' 'you're not impressing anyone' etc and also been to his form teacher and even head of his year on his own to discuss. He's also been good at sticking up for other kids in the class that are less vocal from what he tells me. But recently he has been a lot more worried about the whole thing coming home very frustrated and sad and asking me to take him to hairdressers because his hair isn't right and basically having a melt down when we couldn't get an appointment that night! :(, I have been into school twice in the past 2 months and have been emailing directly with form teacher who informs me he is 'very much aware of the situation' with this particular child... and to top it off tonight I go onto the computer to find history of him googling 'good comebacks against bullies' and 'is prick a swear word' (I'm assuming here he is thinking of insults that he won't get in trouble for haha )

Basically I'm running out of advice for him - me and DH have spent hours before bed recently going through ways in which he can be resilient (although how much can we really expect him to be put up with!?) and also things he can do/say to stop the bully but we are now stuck and the boy isn't showing any signs of slowing!

Please help!

[YeOldeTrout]

Why is he so dominant in your son's life? Same bus-form-room-tiny school?

[Vintagebeads]

I would go into school every day if needs be,whatever they are doing is not being effective no one should have to spend hours preparing for the next school day
I am sorry your Son and you are worring about this instead of looking forward to Christmas.
This is bullying I would have both you and your husband go .I found sadly that once my dh when in with me the situation was dealt with much more seriously than when Iwent alone.

[StruggleAvenue]

Thanks Vintage for advice, I agree I need to be going in to school every day until something changes. For now me and DS have decided that since he has 1 school day left until christmas we will look forward to having a break and then go back to this in the new year! The school are aware of this situation and seem to be pretty useless at doing anything about it so far, I know it's impossible to police all interaction between pupil's especially at break time etc.
Trout, yes that's exactly it unfortunately - tiny form, tiny school - even tiny town. Tiny enough that I knew his mum from my school days and let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

[Vintagebeads]

My advice is to go in with conviction, they have a duty of care to your son,he by law is entitled to learn without being bullied.I would write down all instances that your D's has faced,as much as you can remember.
Have a copy of the code of conduct and point out every failing and demand a plan of action,try not to get emotional, its hard but your message gets lost.
With my DS I told them that they were failing him miserably and if anyone laid a finger on him I would have the police and my solicitor in so fast the school would not know what hit them.It was the only way to deal with people who were took gutless to stand up for my son over a bully and his bulling mother.
Make another appointment to follow up,it for them to exclude the bully not your D's to try to fade away until someone becomes his target.
You have to make a noise,because clearly they don't want to deal with it.
Hope things improve soon.

[Vintagebeads]

I don't mean actually exclude, but the other child needs to monitoring to ensure he can't toment others,even if its break time.As its a small school it should be easier to keep track on him.

[StruggleAvenue]

Vintage - thanks that's exactly what I needed to hear! Great advice and I will definitely take it!

[TotalConfucius]

I too once used the line 'you sort it, and you sort it before 11.00 today or I'm calling the police'.

DD was permitted to text me at 10.28 to tell me it was sorted to her satisfaction. And we have never heard a peep from the bully concerned since, even though I discreetly check on things.

Been there, done that, and am not watching my DD go through it.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

As the parent of a bullied child, this is not PC but in my experience however much the school makes the right noises etc, nothing effective ever gets done. My advice? Tell your son that the next time bully boy starts it up, he should punch him once, as hard as he can, square in the nose and then run as fast as he can.

I can guarantee that bully boy will move on elsewhere so easier prospects. Once a bully always a bully.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

Also tell the school that you've told your son to do it and if they dare punish him then you will take steps to counteract any punishment.