How do your 12 year old DD's spend their time?

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

Concerned about amount of time DD wants to be on her ipad or minecrafting. Or watching TV. I don't know what else to suggest for her really. She does do some after school things, one night a week she does a dance class, she also plays hockey in the winter. But she seems to spend most of her spare time away in her room on her ipad. What do your DD's of this age do to entertain themselves? I feel like a broken record constantly saying "we didn't have computers when I was your age....".

[HolidayCriminal]

Different personalities so not a fair comparison?
Think of all the bad things she's not doing (and some girls her age are: hanging on street corners, chasing boys, nicking from the shop, minding younger siblings while mom goes out on the pull...)

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

Yes she's a lovely girl, to be fair, I guess I just wonder what other girls her age get up to with their spare time that is not computer based! She did say she'd cook a meal for us at the weekend so that's something....

[HolidayCriminal]

I can tell you what DD does but may have no appeal for your girl.

Reading, homework, swim club, games on her phone, more homework, writing stories, mine craft, 30 seconds of violin practice, Guides, brushing her hair, religiously showering, squabbling with siblings, telling me minituai of her day, planning her wardrobe, mine craft, games on her phone, brushing her hair, baking cakes, reading, more homework.

When I was that age I had my nose in crossword puzzles all the time and got stoned a lot.

[CambridgeBlue]

Very similar here including my constant nagging!

She goes swimming one night a week (or rather messing about in the water for a bit then hanging out in the cafe) and to Youth Club. Now the weather is better she plays out after school/ in the holidays if she hasn't got homework - riding bikes, going to the park etc. Other than that she reads quite a bit, draws and likes cooking when I am prepared to have my kitchen trashed - to be fair she's pretty good but doesn't clear up like an adult would. When she is with friends they also love giving each other beauty treatments - face masks, foot spas, nail stuff etc. She's given me a few foot massages and they were really good although I am not delighted about them getting into appearances too much at this age.

She does spend more time than I would prefer online (mainly Stardoll or watching things on YouTube) but I try to remember so much is different now from when we were kids and screen doesn't necessarily = bad. Do wish she'd learn how to do other things with her laptop as well mind you, she's very tech savvy about what she wants to do but clueless about anything useful.

I do worry about her lack of 'proper' interests now she's older - she recently gave up gymnastics which she'd done for years and hasn't found anything she wants to do instead. Present buying is also getting really tricky as she doesn't play with anything as such now and recently cleared anything 'babyish' out of her bedroom (apart from eleventy million soft toys). I find it quite a tricky age but the flip side is she's fantastic company (most of the time) and genuinely useful if I need a hand round the house - a great bonus :)

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

Ha thanks, mine loves clothes but hasn't developed an interest in showering yet! Doesn't like guides, she said it was boring and to be honest it did seem dull compared to guides when I was a girl. She doesn't get much homework at the moment (year 8) but is willing enough to do it. I think I might ask her if she wants a friend round after school. Baking cakes a good idea, she does like cooking and enjoyed watching bake off. Thanks.

[LastingLight]

My dd (11.10) also spends too much time on her laptop but we do try to ensure that during the week whatever she does on it is at least somewhat educational. After school activities at the moment are chess, Guides and horse riding. We make her jump on the trampoline (but not often enough) and dh tries to take her on a bike ride once in the weekend. She's not very social but will occasionally have a friend over. We don't allow much tv during the week but she watches a couple of hours over weekends. When banned from screens she plays with Lego, reads, folds origami, does magic tricks, draws and writes stories. She claims that she never has homework. Chores are putting away dry dishes, helping with laundry, tidying room and cleaning cat litterbox. She also won't shower unless told to!

[LastingLight]

Oh and she likes to bake, just a pity that most of the stuff is not very healthy.

[LastingLight]

And music practice.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

She was spening a lot of time in her room on her iphone, when i was her age i was rarely in the house. Thankfully about 6 weeks ago she made friends with girls who came from a different school and i have hardly seen her. She comes in from school, has her meal, straight out the house and comes back later on, does homework (has mounds of it), has supper and goes to bed. She looks and is acting so much better. Its unhealthy being couped up in computers and iphone (i love her iphone as i have an app on to see where she is) . Shes quite an old 12 year old and doesn't play with toys and she doesn't seem to have any interests as she has got older. Shes also started puberty is 5ft 6 and has boobs so she looks much older than some of my friends 12 yr olds and me at that age.

[Nocomet]

SIMs, YouTube, doing her hair, doing DD1's hair, getting DD1 to do her hair. Messing with makeup, clothes and nail varnish. Reading Twilight, beautiful creatures, Hunger games, watching DVDs of these.

Trampolining and practicing gymnastics for hours.

Going to gym and trampoline lessons, frustratingly she didn't like the new scout leader and gave up.

[JumpMagEditor]

My DD is spending more and more time in her room. Drawing, playing games on iPad - Minecraft and YouTube, and a great drawing app called Paper53. She also writes a blog and uses Instagram/Pinterest.

I don't think it is a bad thing to be on iPad a lot. Was talking to DH about this today and he said 'When we were young, no one said 'You've been reading that newspaper/comic for an hour now, put it down and do something else'. And there is a lot more to do on iPads than there used to be in a comic!

As long as she is happy enough, and isn't watching inappropriate stuff online. Do you check her YouTube history or talk with her about what she's viewing?

[Nocomet]

Oh yes and chatting on Instagram, which I don't understand and am banned from nosing at. (Total innocent as far as I can tell and I'm assured she has set up privacy settings. DD2 has had a laptop since she was 6, she's knows the rules, I have to trust her. She's never known a world where you didn't just google it).

[TeenAndTween]

Would you consider saying that electronic stuff has to be done in a communal room? Otherwise you run the risk of never seeing her when she's a teen?

Out of school DD(14) does reading, homework, drama, ice skating (when we take her), DofE, going for walks with friends (ending up in tea shop), playing/annoying younger sister. We are quite restrictive with screen time though, and don't have ipads. We do put ourselves out to make sure she can do stuff at w/e rather than being electronic-based.

[marne2]

My 10.5 year old dd (going on 16) spends a lot of time on the pc, ipad and minecraft. Last week her pc broke (was the end of the world) which made us realise how much time she spends on there (way too much), now the weathers getting better I am encouraging her to play outside, trampoline, kick a ball around etc..

Dd only goes to one after school club and that's 'computer club' , she hates sport (due to problems with her legs and dyspraxia) so its hard to find any clubs that she will go too.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

I have access to most of my DDs online activity, i have her FB and hotmail log in, thats how i found out she had been on ask FM and had a word with her and made her deativate. She asked what she would do as she had fell out with a friend and someone called selfharm replied saying slash your arms, take photos, send them to your friend and show her what she made you do. Her phone is in my name and i get all the logs. I have full sfatey settings on the router and her iphones set to under 18. She could of course set up a new hotmail account to get on ask FM which i wouldn't know about but i do try and keep an eye on her on the net and have seen some pretty strange stuff as a result to the point i would not be happy to allow her full access or access without me monitoring whats going on. There have been some pretty strange messages she hasn't replied to as well. I have informed her all is not as it seems and to never giver out personal info online.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

and i have no problem whatsoever snooping on her and finding out what i have i believe i am justified in doing so, she hasnt got a problem with it, if she wants an iphone and wants me to pay for it then she abides by the rules

[Merrylegs]

Arfing at the '30 seconds of violin practice'. That sounds about right.

Dd loves a therapeutic bounce on the trampoline. And like a few of her friends she is really into photography and has just bought her very first (second hand) DLSR. She is v impressed with the photos she is taking. She does then upload them to instagram but this 'joined up' offline and online life is just the norm for young people now.

[JumpMagEditor]

I don't call it snooping, I call it safe-guarding. It isn't done behind her back, but she knows that I might at anytime check on her Instagram account.

All emails go in copy to my email account (not that kids use email much now).

Don't rely on what you've taught them, cause sometimes kids make silly mistakes, and do things they know they shouldn't, such as use Ask.fm

I think the 'use a communal room' thing is a bit dated now tbh. It used to be what we said when they were younger, and they were using PC at the kitchen table, but with many kids having smart phones and tablets, it doesn't protect them.

It also doesn't help when they go out to their friends - or even at school when older kids have smartphones with internet connection. How do you police that?

[OldBeanbagz]

My 12yo DD has clubs most days after school so is rarely home before 6pm. After that it's homework, music practice, reading, dinner and annoying her brother!

Occasionally she'll help me cooking/baking and she will go on the trampoline or potter around the garden in the summer.

Neither DC play on their iPads or the computer during the week but DD is often texting her friends.

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

Ask FM is awful, i dont think you can fully watch them on the net at all, like you say if you ban them they will gain access somewhere else. All i can do is what im doing as i am genuinely scared for what she could run into. At her school there was an incident with a man pretending to be a boy and contacting the students. Theres also so many things to check you cant be on them all or know about them all to be on. Maybe it just makes me feel easy about it all knowing i am doing what i can to monitor what i am able to see she is doing online. I did also have an incident on BBM about a year ago with a couple of weirdo's. She hasnt replied to the strange things i have seen so hopefully she has listened to my warnings.

[JumpMagEditor]

Corey
Yes, AskFM scares me too.

I think talking to them about the dangers, showing them how to block and report and banning the worst sites is the best way. So I ban AskFM and Twitter but allow Pinterest and Instagram cause she can keep in touch with her friends, and there isn't much abuse on there.

It is also important to let them use Social Media while they are young enough to learn, with your help and supervision, if you see what I mean.

[Edenviolet]

Drawing, rainbow loom, playing a horse game on my iPad, filling my amazon basket with stuff etc

[VivaLeBeaver]

Minecraft.
Minecraft
Sorting out her minecraft server
Minecraft
Setting up her YouTube channel to download minecraft videos on.
Minecraft
Watching minecraft videos on YouTube
Minecraft
Pokemon.

[JumpMagEditor]

Viva
So she likes Minecraft then?

Can I mention Stampy at this point?

[Nocomet]

No you can't watch everything they get up to online. The only thing banned is FB as the whole premise is you put your whole life on it for 'everyone' to see. Yes you can set it to friends only, but you can't stop them posting things on to their friends. In a rural area where everyone vaguely knows everyone else gossip spreads incredibly quickly even without FB to help it.

I think you do need to be 13 at least to realise just how far and wide stuff travels and how easily it can come back ti haunt you.