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DD 11 overheard boys calling her " the fat girl"

(12 Posts)
cakeisnotenough Thu 13-Oct-11 16:06:07

My DD has just started high school and seems to have settled in well. However she came to me and told me that she overheard some slightly older boys at school referring to her as "that fat girl overthere". She also told me that a boy she was sitting next to in class also said she was fat. I feel so heartbroken for her as I know that this must be making her feel awful although she said she doesn't , I know she's putting on a brave face. She is a little overweight - how do I handle this so that she feels a bit better about herself making her feel that she is fat? Any advice greatly received

cakeisnotenough Thu 13-Oct-11 16:07:49

Should read without making herself feel that she is fat

Bluebell99 Thu 13-Oct-11 16:17:41

The thing is they will find something to tease her about. If it wasn't her weight it would probably be something else. My ds has been called names because of his glasses and amongst other things. However my friends dd has also started high school and I was really shocked when I saw her school photo as I haven't seen her since June, and she is looking really overweight in the picture with double chins and she is being teased. I think the answer isn't easy but is about moving more and eating less. The change for life campaign has ideas for being more acive and food swapping. I think it is hard to recognise when our children became overweight and make excuses. But. My friend certainly overfeeds her dd, they are always going out for cake and the dd will eat a medium sized pizza to herself at pizza hut. I think my friend finds it hard to say no to her dd, and she has weight problems herself.

cakeisnotenough Thu 13-Oct-11 22:52:56

Yes you're right bluebell , kids will always find other things to tease eachother about. Yes I agree with getting the dcs to move more but how do you get them to move more when they really don't want too?!

QuintessentialShadyHallows Thu 13-Oct-11 22:58:49

You do it with her? Cycle together? Brisk walks together?

Can you cut down on the British National food: The Crisp bag? (if she is having a snack, make sure it is fruit, or nuts or something healthy)

I just read that Britain is the country with highest percentage of obesity in Europe, and as much as 20% of 4-5 year olds are overweight. The article said to be honest about how much we really eat, and to cut our potions. Most brits eat around 10% more than they need every day.

Happydogsaddog Thu 13-Oct-11 23:00:36

What about dance classes or bike riding - something family oriented rather than "lose weight" oriented. It will be worth more than just getting boys off her back

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome Thu 13-Oct-11 23:26:04

Remind her that her body is preparing itself to grow and change an enormous amount in the next few years and all she needs to do is make sure she is active and well nourished and it will sort itself out.

Now we all know that it is perhaps not quitethat simple, but there's nothing gained by getting her on the diet treadmill at this age. I was chubby at 11 but I shot up and slimmed down all at once and ended up 5'10 and a size 10 by 15 yrs old (although I also did 3 or 4 dance classes a week, plus various other activity's which must have helped).

I am now overweight again and I do think part of the reason (other than being greedy and lazy) is that I internalised similar comments made to me at that age and always thought of myself as 'the fat girl' even though I wasn't any more. I can't help feeling like my body has eventually caught up with my psyche, so can I also recommend lots of talking about the issue? Perhaps try to make her see that body size is amorphous (I think that's the word i mean, it's late) and just because somebody gives you a label, does not mean you have to accept that as a definition of you (does that make sense?). Something like that, anyway. Poor thing, school can be hell.

Bluebell99 Thu 13-Oct-11 23:42:40

I think it is about purposely being more active. I wear a pedometer, and find it motivating to see how many steps I 've done, also tells me how far I have walked and how many calories I have burned. You are supposed to do 10000 steps a day, which is actually quite alot, but sometimes I have done about 18000. Mine is a omron one. Is there any sports she likes? Can you swim together, play badminton, go for a bike ride, scooter ride, go for a walk in a park. Can you walk instead of taking the car? Our local sports centre does a gym session for children which my kids like. Or try different sports such as trampolining or karate.

falasportugues Fri 21-Oct-11 20:10:10

[ An interesting book about weight issues] I confess I haven't read it, but it seems to contain all sorts of information and advice in gerneral about promoting self esteem and positive body image. good luck. She is hearing these things for the first time. The messages, some silent, some loud will continue shouting at her all her life as they do to all of us. Can we equip our daughters to shrug them off?

falasportugues Fri 21-Oct-11 20:11:04

sorry i didn't post the link proper;y here it is again


CeliaFate Sun 23-Oct-11 18:26:40

If she's not into exercise, how about wii games like Just Dance? My dc have a really good workout doing this, they'll keep going for about an hour and don't feel as though they're exercising.
Portion control is important too - don't deny her anything, just give a smaller portion.

KatharineClifton Sun 23-Oct-11 18:36:29

Perhaps she doesn't feel awful. Perhaps she knows that fat is an adjective. Perhaps it is your problem OP, not your daughter's? If your daughter is overweight it would be stupid to pretend she isn't. Have a look at the fat acceptance movement - I particularly love the phrase 'healthy at any size'.

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