Am I being unreasonable? nursery woes - am considering moving dd

[newkid]

My dd is 3 shortly. She has been attending the same nursery for more than 2 years. Her carers have always been lovely/creative/warm and we have generally been very happy with them. We recently discovered that dd wouldn't be 'moving up' to the 'pre-school' room until Aug/Sep. Basically, they need children to leave to go to school to free up space in the 'pre-school' room. Other children (depending on their birth dates) move up when they are 3. It seems unfair on her, mostly because she is ready to move up (eg educationally she is well on the way to knowing her letters and recognises most numbers up to 10; she is confident around older children). She goes to a local pre-school one morning a week and loves it; it's exactly the sort of environment I wish she could be in full-time but it is a small, largely volunteer-run setting. I can understand the logistics of trying to fit children in/staffing ratios etc when you are running a nursery but there is no halfway house - if she doesn't move up, there is no 'extra' attention given to her or any other children who are 'held back'; she'll be learning colours and shapes for the umpteenth time. It's all or nothing. Anyways, we are considering another nursery until Sep and then pre-prep for the year before school. Has anyone else experienced this 'moving up' problem - are we 'pushy' parents or do we just want the best for our dd?

[Lizzylou]

You are no being pushy, you are paying the nursery to provide the relevant care and stimulation for your daughter. I would kick up a bit of a fuss and see what can be done.
If she couldn't move up, could they provide more relevant activities?

[FrannyandZooey]

Well, at our nursery the children from 2.5 to school age are all in the same class, so I don't really see the situation the same way as you. At this age they should be playing, really, so having interesting play opportunities and caring staff would be the most important thing to me.

I would not consider moving my child from an environment in which she is happy, intending to then move her again in September, no. I would be more bothered about the chance for her to make meaningful relationships with the other staff and children, rather than her ability to know her numbers up to 10.

[tigerschick]

Not had any personal experience of this but I don't think you are being pushy if, under different circumstances, she would be moved up now anyway. Why not speak to the nursery and see if they can arrange smoe kind of half-way house, perhaps do a rota of children who are the same age so they all get some time in each area. They will probably try and help if they realise that you are thinking of moving her. If they don't then you have to balance how upset you are about this with against possible unrest/disruption of moving her.

HTH

[sunnysideup]

I can't see any great problem with her having longer with familiar carers and routines for a few months longer, at not quite 3. I would have thought this was absolutely a good thing for her. At two or just three, most of her day should be made up of free play anyway so if she's bored with the colours and shapes work she can go off and play house or dress up, or a million other imagative games which are in fact for her age group, the very way to learn.

Don't think of it as being held back, there is so much time for letters and other formal stuff.

[dunscared]

newkid, argee with the others that at this age free play and imagination is much more important than grades! she's got years of school ahead and even if she doesn't move up til aug she'll still have a full year of pre-school before real school.

we had to move our daughter, admittedly when she was younger (21 months) as her nursery was taken over and then closed on the 2nd day when all the staff walked out!

although the new nursery has turned out to be better than the previous one it did take a good 7-8 weeks to settle her and i was distraught at how difficult she found the change so i wouldn't move your daughter unless absolutely necessary.

[newkid]

Thanks for all the messages. To be blunt, the main driver for this is my dh and there is so much going on in other parts of our lives that I will give in to him on this if it makes life easier. I will be unhappy to move her but think she will not be affected (I'll be more upset than she is). She only does two days now and has settled into a local pre-school on one morning really easily. She's very adaptable.

As many of you have said, surely if she is happy that is the most important thing and I agree wholeheartedly. Her carers are lovely; we really like them. It's just the artificial division created by them not having enough space in the bigger room. The carers have offered to do extra work with her in the past (at their instigation not ours because our daughter has such good pen control compared to her peers and really enjoys mark making etc) but the nursery owner said that this was not allowed. I've been to see a pre-prep and it just seemed so sterile and not at all lovely and rough and tumble like her current environment.
DH is currently checking out the pre-prep and I'm hoping he comes back with the same thoughts.

[otherwisebecks]

the nursery should be providing activites suitable for her ability whichever room she is in all children are individuals and my understanding is that activities should be planned by staff to reflect the stage of development each child is at.

[newkid]

Amazingly, DH has also decided that the pre-prep is awful. He didn't think the children were catered for at all/staff seemed cold towards under 3s who were upset etc.

So yippee we will be staying at current nursery (if they'll have us !) and will be seeing if they can accommodate our concerns.

[hebetalbot]

The same thing happened at dd nursery. They were very suportive. In the end they put dd in the next age up for the odd AM or PM until a place became availible. It was a good idea because she settled in really well when she finally went up.