Help me to make my mind up!

[clevername]

I'm going round in circles with this...

I have recently started the process of moving my DD (3) to another nursery. The new one is attached to the pre-prep of a private school and is lovely - fully qualified nursery teacher, gorgeous setting etc. I have no intention of sending her to the school once she reaches school age (couldn't afford it!) but quite liked the idea of taking advantage of their facilities etc while I could (especially considering she is a September birthday so essentially has an 'extra' year before school). What's more, because of the way they work out the funded hours, it worked out lots cheaper to send her there.

Trouble is, I am in no way unhappy with her current place. Far from it - they are fab, it is incredibly convenient and DD loves it there (although she also loves the new place and is incredibly excited about going there. How much she understands about the finality of changing, I'm not sure). When I called up the other day to notify them (I felt horrible - like I was breaking up with them!), they emailed me saying they would change the way DD's funding/place is calculated and this brought it in line with the costs for the new place...

So now I'm in a dilemma... move her as planned and (hopefully) benefit from a slightly more 'formal' pre school environment - she's keen to do this and I've already bought the uniform! Or keep her where she is - she'd probably very quickly get over the fact that the move we've been talking about for ages isn't happening and she's happy there (hopefully I could take the uniform back!).

My decision was mostly financially-based originally so I don't know what to do now.
Any thoughts?|

[BackforGood]

It does seem a risk to move her from somewhere you know she loves and you are very happy with, to somewhere you think she will love.....

[Sunshineandlaughter]

I would stay put - there's no reason to move unless you plan on going to that school. Young kids thrive off familiarity not change.

[HSMMaCM]

I would stay put. 3 & 4 year olds don't need a formal environment. They have enough of that from 5-16.

[GrassWillBeGreener]

I sort of did this with my October-born daughter. Moved her to school nursery rather than having a "2nd" preschool year where she was. I had thought that she would get some more formal work because she was ready for it but it didn't happen, sadly. However she then had a great reception year (same school).

The one thing I would urge you to consider is school holiday dates - I belatedly realised that I'd moved myself into school hours AND school holidays a year earlier than I need have done. Independent school holidays tend to be longer than others. Now that your current place has cost-matched, holidays may be the clincher.

[MerryMarigold]

Hope many of her friends will be leaving the year before her? Well anyone in current pre school go to school with her?

My priorities would be to keep her stimulated and that may be moving her. Is her current nursery a pre school ie. attached to a school or just a nursery? I do think school nurseries prepare them better.

My other priority would be that she moves to school with a few people she knows.

[clevername]

Thanks so much for all of your help with this.

I hear you about the holidays, Grass - the new place does indeed only cover term time (and their holidays are longer) but I'm a teacher so only have her in nursery during term time anyway and I'll be on maternity leave in September so we won't have to worry about that at all after the summer term. If we do need childcare in the holidays at all, they do a popular and reasonably priced holiday club.

Friends-wise, she doesn't seem to have anyone she particularly loves at her current place (although not in a worrying way as such - she's always playing with or alongside other children but we've never got to the play date stage with any of them!). This could be because she is only in two days a week, term time only. I don't think she'd go to school with any of the children in either of the nurseries (unless we decided to keep her at the prep school which is highly unlikely!) because of where we are.

Current nursery is just a nursery (but a very good one). The potential new place is attached to a school. My gut feeling is that it will stimulate her more - she's been in the pre-school room at her current place for over a year and I think a change would do her good.

I'm not worried about her not liking it at the new place - she had a settling in morning the other day and got really cross with me when I picked her up because she didn't want to go!

[clevername]

I've spoken to people at work today as well and think I've decided to give the new place a try, as originally planned.

If it doesn't work out she can always go back and at least I would know I gave it a shot.

Thanks again for all of your input... it's lovely to be able to bounce ideas off all of you mumsnetters!

[Gaggleofgirls]

Have you started at the new one?

We were at this point and now really regret the move 😔

Now we're stuck as to whether to move back or see if things improve. I would now be inclined to say stick with where she's happy, a move can be really unsettling for them, even if it's not initially apparent.

[clevername]

Oh dear... We haven't moved yet (she has her last two days at current nursery after the Easter hols and she starts at the new place the week after). One of the deciding factors for me was how lovely and supportive her stbx nursery were - they made it clear she would be welcome back if it didn't work out. Obviously I'm really hoping we won't have to..!

Can I ask why you're now regretting the move?

[Gaggleofgirls]

Ok so basically exactly the same situation as yourself but we made the move in September into school.
Fast forward to now and DD is not doing as well as she was. She still appears completely happy to go in/come out but the teacher tells me my once confident bubbly child is quiet withdrawn and doesn't participate fully in group activities or with the teacher.

I wish we'd just left her where she was happy and not been tempted by the place. For us the grass has most definitely not been greener.

Both nurseries are attached to schools so we're now deciding whether to just change back to the first school.

[clevername]

Oh, I feel for you Gaggle - that's exactly what I don't want to happen! How old is she? Is she due to start proper school in September or do you have another year of preschool? Depending on this ( whether it's 'worth it' for one term and if your decision affects your choice of school), I'd be tempted to move back... I've told myself I'll give DD a good term (until summer hols) and if it doesn't work out, we'll go back in September.

I don't suppose there's any chance it's just the different teacher's perspective? As in, she was the same in the previous setting but the other teachers weren't as demanding maybe?

What is your daughter's opinion on the whole thing?

[Gaggleofgirls]

She's already at school but they're taught nursery and reception together.
Everything seemed really positive on the lead up to xmas, then it's been one disastrous thing after another. I'm just not sure why the teacher didn't express the concerns until march! She appears perfectly happy, it's the teacher that says otherwise.
I'm not sure she'd be fussed either way, she's just much more withdrawn within this group. We recently went to a party where she immediately gravitated towards the old friends over new.

If your daughters not going to go to the school anyway I wouldn't bother moving her. I'd only say this after this situation, we only try to do our best for them, but I know now I over thought things when moving her.

[2014newme]

I can see no benefit to moving her.

[Strawberrybubblegum]

We had a very similar dilemma last year: leave DD at a lovely non-school nursery for what would end up being 5 terms, or move her to a (less convenient) school nursery for 1 year (not the school she will go to).

Slight difference from your DD is that while she had eventually 'settled' at the non-school nursery, she wasn't really happy there. She did really like her key person, but she struggled with change and separation at the time and didn't really make friends.

Overwhelming consensus on here was to leave her where she was but after a huge amount of deliberation and soul-searching we moved her.

The move was a huge success, and I'm so, so glad we moved her!

For us:

• the school environment simply suited DD better: calmer, more structured, same kids every day all starting and ending at the same time (there's a real sense of belonging to the class), class helper responsibilities, generally a slightly higher expectation for behaviour (since they don't have tinies)
  
• Although they don't do anything you could consider academic, I do think that being teacher and TA led makes a difference. I'm often astounded at the interesting, imaginative things they do!
  
• In DD's case, I think the extra 6 months maturity has made a huge difference. Having a new start at this point possibly helped - meant she gave it a chance.
  

Actually, I really don't know why it has worked so much better for DD, but the change has been incredible.

Just wanted to give you a positive story too! In the end, I don't think there's any way to tell whether it will be a positive or negative change. All you can do is go with your best guess and change it if it doesn't work.

[clevername]

Thanks, Strawberry - it's great to hear a positive story too!

I'm feeling pretty good about our decision to move at the moment - if I didn't try it, I would probably always think 'what if?'. And I can always go back if it really doesn't work out.

[Gaggleofgirls]

Clevername - Although I say I'm gutted we moved DD in the first place, if we hadn't we'd probably always have thought what if. At least now we know.

[LJLsmum]

Hi newby here, here is our dilemma We have a 3 1/2 year old who is at a private nursery. We had put her name down for the school nursery that we wanted her in and requested Monday and Tuesday full days and Wednesday morning as they offer those hours as well as the the usual mornings or afternoons 5 days a week. I work Tuesday Thursday and Friday so could take her to school and back on the Monday and Wednesday and would only need a childminder for the Tuesday. We had hoped to get her in for those days and continue to put her in the private nursery on Thursday and Friday so that we also had her still attending private nursery and could increase her hours there in school holidays.
Now we found we've been offered afternoon sessions every day. This will mean either trying to get a childminder for tues, thurs and Friday to look after her in the morning, drop off after lunch and collect her in the afternoon or continue with the private nursery that she's still in.
We're not sure whether a childminder would be happy with the dropping off and picking up from school as it's only 3 hours between trips to school, and even less when they've actually done the travelling. We're also wondering can we just put her in the school nursery on Monday and Wednesday? Is that allowed or must it be all of the hours used up in their school? Her best friend is going to that school and has the hours her family wanted. So we're disappointed that we may be splitting her up from her little friend. There's also the issue of if we turn the place down, will the school look unfavourably at us for reception year? Thanks for reading this essay. Does anyone have any advice on what they feel is best, other options or advice.

[LJLsmum]

Oh dear sorry, I think I've put this in someone else's thread! Should have been a new topic 😳