Dd worried about aggressive child

(3 Posts)
Endlesslllove Tue 01-Nov-16 23:10:11

Dd started preschool in September and settled happily. She also started biting her nails around that time which I couldn't understand since she always seemed to love school. She mentioned that one of the girls has a habit of pushing her and at parents evening teacher said this girl (the pusher, let's call her Polly) has taken a particular shine to dd and wants to be her friend. Teacher attributes Polly's aggression to her having very little language (English is her second language and she speaks almost no English, she also doesn't speak in sentences in her mother tongue, usually just single words and/or gestures). Teacher said dd will often tell her "I don't want Polly to push me" and teacher has told dd to respond to the pushing by saying "please don't do that I don't like it". Teacher said it's an awful situation for both girls.

Today dd comes home with sand in her hair so I ask why and she says Polly threw sand in her face. At bedtime she said she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow (first time she's ever said this), then says she does want to go and play with her friends. So I ask if there's something she's worried about and she replies instantly "Polly". I realise now she's been a lot more anxious about it all than I had realised (and this must be why she's biting her nails). I feel awful for her, a 3 year old shouldn't have to go to preschool worried about facing aggression every day. I will ask to speak to the teacher tomorrow but not sure what they can do about it? Anyone have experience of similar situation? I should add that the teacher seems really lovely, but I feel she's not taking this situation very seriously.

Fruitcocktail6 Wed 02-Nov-16 18:37:40

This is really sad for your dd. I work in a pre school and we have had similar children to Polly (and worse) and it is really tricky to balance helping the violent child and ensuring all other children feel safe.

I'm afraid I don't have much advice, except to say I am sure the teacher is taking it seriously, however it's part of her job to portray a very calm demeanour and she can not say anything negative about another child to you. She should aim to keep the two children away from each other.

Endlesslllove Wed 02-Nov-16 20:28:29

Thanks for your input, it's reassuring to hear and a good point that the teacher has to be diplomatic about the other child. I spoke to the teacher today and feel a bit better, apparently the aggression is quite minor. I was a bit peeved that she called my dd anxious and in need of reassurance, as though dd is the one with the problem. She also said dd is going to encounter children with special needs and needs to learn how to deal with it. Dd seems happy today so hope things stay calm for a while...

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