Pregnant, but not ready to have a child for a few years :?

[NeonPalmTree]

I've not long found out I'm pregnant (I must be 4-5 weeks along) and I'm strongly considering a termination because I'm not financially or emotionally ready yet. I'm on the pill so it was definitely unexpected.

I'm with a loving partner who says he'll support my decision either way, but he also agrees that he'd find it difficult to support a child at this time. Even so, I know my decision to abort will be hard on us both and I'm scared.

The thing is, I'm 30 years old, and I always wanted to have a child before the age of 35. But I just don't feel ready right now. Ideally, I wanted to get my career back on track for a couple of years, buy a house with my boyfriend, and then start thinking about kids.

But I guess I'm feeling guilty about having this abortion, only to try for another child in a couple of years time. Especially since I've started to hear my clock is ticking and it's making me feel like I won't get another chance. Even though I'm not religious or pro-life, there's a part of me that thinks I'm killing this kid in favour of having another kid a bit later.

But I really can't support a baby at this time. My current job is paying me peanuts and I'm on a zero hour contract so they keep cutting down my hours. I'm living in shared accommodation and I can barely support myself! My partner has 6 months left of his training until he becomes a lawyer and he doesn't need to deal with this stress either.

I guess I'm looking for validation.

[kylieeee]

Bless you, that must have come as such a shock! I really think you need to put yourself first lovely, but if it's just the financial position that bothers you, I wouldn't let it put you off. Your in a much better position than most, and it's true what they say, your never really 'ready' for a baby, you just have to wing it and you adjust. If you were planning on having them within the next 5 years anyway, would it really make a huge difference if it was slightly brought forward? Your still very early so have plenty of time to make a decision, there's no rush, I'd just really weigh everything up before you decide.

My OH and I are months away from reaching our target house deposit and are about to start TTC. It scares me a little bit that we don't have a house secured, but we have a plan and that's good enough for me. Firm believer that everything will work out, and everything happens for a reason good luck xxx

[MarieG10]

Only you can decide and there are arguments either way. At thirty though I would be really reluctant to have a termination. I have seen too many threads about people struggling to conceive mid 30s. Best of luck

[chickenyhead]

I can only speak from my experience, I found it really hard after I had an abortion. Even now 23 years and 3 kids later. I am truly gutted that I did that, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

My relationship did not survive the abortion, beyond the period that we felt we had to keep going out out of respect for the life we/I ended. It just changed things, underlying blame/guilt.

But many many women do make this decision and go on to have happy lives/futures. It is a deeply personal decision, but once made it is final. So take time and think about it and what you can live with.

08 May 1996 for me.