TFMR - DS

[123whatsmyusername]

I never thought I’d end up on this board after a long, hard 18 months TTC. However, there are many indicators suggesting that our baby (I’m 13+5) has DS. We’re just waiting on CVS results.
Had anybody else had to make this heart-breaking decision? After a week of weighing up all the factors, we’re almost certain that we will TMFR but it’s just so hard. Any advice? Help.

[Daydreamer2017]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. We also went through this 18 months ago. The most heartbreaking and confusing time of our life. We found out our baby had ds and other heart abnormalities. It was such a shock. We decided to TFMR after a lot of long hard thought. Before that time, I would have flippantly said i'd never end a pregnancy for any reason. But when life forces you to face the harsh reality, your mind suddenly sees things very differently. We decided having a TFMR was the right decision for us, our 2 year old child and the future of our baby. I knew we would love our baby no matter what. But hearing about the operations he would face was heartbreaking. And the fear of how he would cope as an adult. On top of the responsibility our other child would face once we were no longer around. That all led to our decision. But I must stress I have complete respect and understanding for those who make a different decision. You must do what feels right for you and your personal circumstances. I had a surgical termination and I was treated very well and sensitively. Physically I recovered quickly. But the following weeks were very difficult emotionally and I tried to just move on with life. I didn't face my grief properly and the stress really came out. I finally had counselling 4 months later and it helped hugely. So I really recommend getting support and help in those following months. I struggled with guilt. But the counselling helped me recognise that the decision we made was always made out of love. Love and protection for our baby's future as well as our family.

I was so terrified about having another baby. But I'm pleased to say I'm now expecting a healthy baby due this year.

The baby we lost will always be in my heart. I will never fully get over that time. But I do accept I made the right decision for us in a horrible situation nobody should be faced with.

The other thing it taught me is you can never ever judge someone unless you've walked in their shoes.

Whatever decision you make, it will be right for you. Only you as a family can make the decision. Take care of yourself and accept all the support offered during this time x