Found out two weeks ago that I am pregnant, I already have to children. I'm so so confused one part of me wants to keep it the other part thinks the idea is ridiculous. Me and the dad aren't together, we were together for two years and already have one together, but we've been sleeping together and now this has happened. We had a very up and down relationship I can't see us ever working out so I would be doing this as a single parent from day one. He's made it clear he doesn't want it and says it will ruin both our lives. My youngest is 15 months, I've just started a job doing something I've always wanted to do, about to move into a house that will give both my kids a bedroom each so now all of a sudden the plans and progress I've made have come into question.
I'm so so so confused, on paper I absolutely shouldn't have this baby. But I've always said I'd never have an abortion, I just don't see how I'll cope. My 15 month old is a handful and I find the two I have difficult at times. I do my best as a mum but don't know how I'd cope having a newborn thrown into the mix.
A week ago I booked a termination through bpas, earliest they could get me in is this coming Monday. I booked it with the thought of having the appointment there at the earliest opportunity should I decide to go through with it. The dad has stuck to this like glue and doesn't seem to accept any alternative. Thing is I'll be 7 weeks by then, it's heart will be beating. I think emotionally it'll crush me to terminate and I read so many threads on here of people that have regretted it. I'm sat here this morning thinking ring bpas again and ask for any available appointment in the country that is in the next day or two. But then how do I get up and dressed and ready to then deliberately drive myself to a place where I know I'm going to kill what's inside me. How do I make that journey? It's like an internal battle, my brain says terminate it, you can't do this, it'll tie you to ur ex even more, it'll delay the progress you're making, your life will be hard. The heart says you're a good mum, you'll love it, it'll get easier and won't always be hard. I feel guilty aswell, the two I already have started off as tiny as this baby already is and they had a chance, who am I to terminate it due to my own carelessness. I'd feel guilty. I don't know if I'd cope knowing what I'd done.
If I could detach myself from it the decision would be easy, but it's not. I just don't know what to do.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Pregnancy choices
Don't know what to do
11 replies
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 14/11/2017 07:19
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.