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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Life after abortion

(5 Posts)
Yellowumbrella12 Mon 06-Feb-17 01:05:16

Hello,

This is my first time posting so I'm hoping I can just get a few opinions!

About 18 months ago I made a very difficult decision to terminate a pregnancy after discovering I was pregnant at 11 weeks. (Contraception failed)

The father was someone who was essentially someone I'd call "Friends With Benefits", and was not necessarily the most responsible person in the world (drinking issue), no job etc he also had a child with another girl who he refused to acknowledge exsited.. I worked full time (still do) but do not earn a lot, and financially I was in no position to have a child. I made the decision for the quality of life of my child, not myself. I spoke in great detail with my mum who I have a fantastic relationship with, but she too couldn't have financially nor physically been in a position to help me support a child. However she is my bestest friend in the world and was so so supportive throughout the entire thing. I'm now 21 and have a wonderful partner, and eventually we have moved into our lovely home together. Thing is, Ive never been overly keen on the idea of having children but have discussed it with my partner and he feels the same way I do, but has made it very clear that if later in life we changed our minds or if it were to happen by accident, he would support me no matter what choice I made which comforts me greatly. I don't think I could go through another termination (emotionally) if it came to that.

Now, the reason for my post is that, whilst I completely 100% agree that I made the right decision at the time and I am glad I do not have a child now, as it could have restricted my life greatly being so young, but still to this day, I think about it every single day and feel overwhelmingly guilty. I have had massive panic attacks and suffer emensley from anxiety. My best friend has recently got pregnant and is so happy and cannot stop gushing with joy, which I am so happy for her too, but when I see her and talk about the baby it tends to fill me with more guilt.

Has anyone on here ever been through this experience and felt this way for so long afterwards? I have tried counselling and medication and nothing seems to work. I feel so sad, so guilty and I have actually come to hate myself a bit.... yet I am so sure I made the right decision.

I also just wanted to reach out to those who may be in a similar position and offer a hand to hold if they need it, or my best advice if I can give it.

Please try not to judge me....

Sorry for the essay, thanks in advance.

chatnanny Mon 06-Feb-17 09:24:17

Bumping this as I know there are lots on here who can empathise.

Yellowumbrella12 Mon 06-Feb-17 10:53:37

Thank you flowers

Underparmummy Mon 06-Feb-17 11:00:35

I had an abortion three years ago (happily married, already had kids, went on to have another one).

I still think about it, it was a hard decision and a horrible experience. I also know that it was the right one and that 'this version' of my life is the best choice.

I think the thing to come to terms with is that the decision is made, it happened and we can only move forwards in life not back. Maybe having other kids helps me with that.

Do you think that this decision is becoming a bit of a scapegoat for you and that it is hiding other emotions?

I do however agree with you that having had one abortion the idea of another one fills me with utter dread (so I have a coil and am trying to persuade my husband to have the snip - there can be no risk!).

The other thing for me is that (especially now with dear old Mr Trump around) I am so so glad we live in the age we do so that the choice was available to me and that I could have a termination safely and legally.

There is no reason to feel guilty. I think the stat is that 1 in 3 women have an abortion in their lifetime. You are definitely not alone in having made that difficult choice.

Bubblegum89 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:46:26

I had a surgical abortion at 14 weeks. I didn't want one. My partner did. I was naive and went ahead with it. That was 2 years ago. I've recently been told that I have scarring in my uterus due to the procedure and will unlikely conceive again. I think about my baby all the time. This happened in April 2015 and it upsets me still. I've actually been in bed crying about it tonight. Knowing I had a perfectly healthy baby growing in there that I got rid of and as a consequence will probably not be able to have another. I thought it would get easier but for me it's got harder and no amount of counselling would help me. I hate myself for what I did and I will never forgive my partner for making me feel I had no choice. I hope you manage to find peace with your decision x

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