Hello,
This is my first time posting so I'm hoping I can just get a few opinions!
About 18 months ago I made a very difficult decision to terminate a pregnancy after discovering I was pregnant at 11 weeks. (Contraception failed)
The father was someone who was essentially someone I'd call "Friends With Benefits", and was not necessarily the most responsible person in the world (drinking issue), no job etc he also had a child with another girl who he refused to acknowledge exsited.. I worked full time (still do) but do not earn a lot, and financially I was in no position to have a child. I made the decision for the quality of life of my child, not myself. I spoke in great detail with my mum who I have a fantastic relationship with, but she too couldn't have financially nor physically been in a position to help me support a child. However she is my bestest friend in the world and was so so supportive throughout the entire thing. I'm now 21 and have a wonderful partner, and eventually we have moved into our lovely home together. Thing is, Ive never been overly keen on the idea of having children but have discussed it with my partner and he feels the same way I do, but has made it very clear that if later in life we changed our minds or if it were to happen by accident, he would support me no matter what choice I made which comforts me greatly. I don't think I could go through another termination (emotionally) if it came to that.
Now, the reason for my post is that, whilst I completely 100% agree that I made the right decision at the time and I am glad I do not have a child now, as it could have restricted my life greatly being so young, but still to this day, I think about it every single day and feel overwhelmingly guilty. I have had massive panic attacks and suffer emensley from anxiety. My best friend has recently got pregnant and is so happy and cannot stop gushing with joy, which I am so happy for her too, but when I see her and talk about the baby it tends to fill me with more guilt.
Has anyone on here ever been through this experience and felt this way for so long afterwards? I have tried counselling and medication and nothing seems to work. I feel so sad, so guilty and I have actually come to hate myself a bit.... yet I am so sure I made the right decision.
I also just wanted to reach out to those who may be in a similar position and offer a hand to hold if they need it, or my best advice if I can give it.
Please try not to judge me....
Sorry for the essay, thanks in advance.
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4 replies
Yellowumbrella12 · 06/02/2017 01:05
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