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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Unplanned 5th pregnancy :-(

(20 Posts)
pinklips Mon 02-Jan-17 20:32:09

My 4th baby has just turned 1 and we decided that our family is now complete. However, like a complete fool, I have gone and gotten myself pregnant. I feel so stupid and I'm devestated! I haven't even told my husband yet. Reasons why this is bad:
1) house has no more room
2)I have just returned to uni to finish my final year of nursing after having a year out to have dc4. I really wanted to commit this year and pass my course.

I am going to have to book in with bpas to talk through my options but I don't know if I can go through that. What choice do I have? I'm so stupid and embarrassed that this has happened

Popskipiekin Wed 04-Jan-17 15:23:57

I don't have any experience or probably any good advice but didn't want to leave this unanswered. Maybe my answer will bump it for you!
A couple of random thoughts:
1) please don't carry the burden of deciding about this by yourself. Your DH was involved with the making of the baby! I'm sure it's making you feel even more unhappy by feeling you have to keep it from him.
2) You're not stupid or foolish (and, re point 1, if you were then DH was too!) - mistakes do happen and this has happened. Now try to calmly think about your options rather than agonise about how it happened.
3) As plenty others may tell you more helpfully than I can, you do have options - but the earlier you get advice/discuss with your DH, the more options you will have open to you.

You say you've completed your family, have no room and really want to finish your degree now - these are all incredibly valid reasons for considering a termination.
But - you also imply you feel you couldn't go through with a termination (sorry if I'm reading that wrongly). I'm sure there are lots of examples of people out there who made lack of space work for them and qualified whilst pregnant/with very young children.

Please do confide in your husband and support each other through what you eventually decide. Nobody could criticise you for taking either path. It's your life, your children, your finances, your career. Best of luck. If you support each other then I'm sure you will make whatever route you go with work for you.

pinklips Wed 04-Jan-17 18:48:03

Thank you for your reply. I told my dh and he wasn't happy about it either. Yesterday we discussed the reasons why we couldn't have another and I booked an appointment with BPAS. I'm dreading it but we have made up our minds. He hasn't mentioned it since yesterday though. I keep acting normally now the shock has subsided but then I remember. I think my emotions are calm at the moment because I have accepted that this is not my baby and never will be. That's how I feel at the moment. Who is to say what later or tomorrow will bring though. The roller coaster has just begun.

pinklips Sat 07-Jan-17 18:25:19

I really really want this baby. I don't want to do this but I need to think of my family. I need to finish this last year and come out into a job so I can provide for my family. I just wish it was next year as I would keep it. This is going to be so hard but I must think about the quality of life for the children I have.

pinklips Sun 08-Jan-17 02:09:48

Bumping! Not getting much support here or advice. I can't tell my mum or friends. I need someone

Trytowin Sun 08-Jan-17 02:16:28

Hi I'm up didn't want to read and run if you want to talk.

The course will be there after if that is what you want to do. How would the pregnancy run with the study year? Could you part do the year? How will it affect the other ones? Please don't bear it alone. Write up your pros and cons then see if you can work around them if you want

Hows DH has he digested it and come back with thoughts?

pinklips Sun 08-Jan-17 12:30:08

Thank you kindly for replying. I couldn't sleep last night and I was getting really worked up. I ended up going and sleeping on the couch as I was getting angry that my husband could sleep so peacefully when I have this huge decision to make. I'm still going ahead with the abortion as my reasons are still valid. I just wish my mind would stop swaying :-( I wake up resolute in my decision and as the day goes on I waiver. I hate my life right now.

GoodStuffAnnie Sun 08-Jan-17 12:36:01

You sound like you want to keep the baby.

Honestly you sound like superwoman. What difference will four to five children make (I know I know, I have 3!, but you know what I mean)? Just tell Uni you have to defer again (can you complete this term maybe). It'll be hard in the short term, but thats life. 3 to four years down the line, you'll be a qualified working mum of five, as opposed to a qualified working mum of four in 2 to 3 years. In the grand scheme of things thats nothing.

buzzmoon Sun 08-Jan-17 19:05:45

Didn't want to read and run, and although I have no experience of anything like this (no dcs but trying this year). I think it sounds like you'd really regret not having this baby, and you'd have to live with that forever instead of a few years of having to cut back on certain things to afford another baby, your dcs having to share a room etc, but would have another wonderful sibling.

Like goodstuff said, Would deferring uni for another year be the end of the world in the grand scheme of things?

Whatever you decide im sure it will be the best for you and your family, and just want to send flowers whilst you are going through this.

happy2bhomely Sun 08-Jan-17 19:25:07

I had an unexpected 5th pregnancy.

I booked for a termination after deciding with my DH that it would be best for everyone, but mostly our existing children.

I had telephone counselling and attended the clinic.
They scanned me and told me that as I wasn't even 5 weeks yet, they couldn't see anything on the scan and wouldn't administer the tablet until they could confirm that the pregnancy wasn't ectopic.

I was booked to go back a week later. But the relief I felt as I walked away from the clinic made me question my decision.

I didn't have the termination and DC5 will be 4 this year.

I'm here if you want to talk.

buzzmoon Mon 09-Jan-17 20:46:19

How are you op?

pinklips Tue 10-Jan-17 13:01:41

I'm ok thanks. Feeling numb. The shock has subsided and I don't feel pregnant, I don't think about it often, I'm not excited or happy but I'm not angry anymore. I feel in limbo but I need to talk it through with the bpas people. I just feel numb at the moment.

Thank you for asking xx

pinklips Tue 10-Jan-17 13:04:54

I just want to thank you all for your replies. I just re read them and I'm taking them in. Happy2bhomely, it is useful to have a reply from someone who has been through the same thing xx

pinklips Mon 30-Jan-17 19:48:46

I just wanted to update the situation for anyone who has been through the same thing. I am currently sat in the bath feeling very nauseous. I couldn't go through with it. I had 2 appointments and on the final consultation I has the tablet in front of me but the nurse could see the conflict and took them away and told me to think about it some more. I walked out and burst into tears and told my husband that I couldn't do it. He gave me a big hug and said that it will all be fine. He is really happy and I am starting to get excited now.

I hope this helps someone xx

buzzmoon Tue 31-Jan-17 08:25:08

Hi OP, really pleased to hear you're doing well despite the nausea! And are starting to get excited smile what have you decided to do about uni? Everything will work itself out and your lovely DCs will have a wonderful sibling! Keep us updated ❤

Ilovecaindingle Tue 31-Jan-17 18:41:31

Congratulations. . I hope you aren't being hard on yourself that you had second thoughts. Just concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy now!! Xx

pinklips Tue 31-Jan-17 22:36:57

Thanks ladies. Im going to push through my last year and when I finish I will take time out to enjoy my final bundle. After this I will look for a job and who knows, this may have happened for a reason to help me find my dream job :-)

yaela123 Sun 12-Feb-17 21:19:32

I think you made the right decision.

I was in a very similar position 5 yrs ago. I had 4 DC and we were very happy and definitely didn't want any more. Our youngest was only 6 months. Contraception fail and I found myself pregnant. We seriously considered termination but I just couldn't do it. It then turned out to be twins!

It was a struggle - financially and otherwise - but I feel like we are perfect now as a family of 8.

You know what's best for you and your family.

Uni and everything can wait another year.

Good luck

You can do it smile

shineon Thu 16-Feb-17 21:27:24

Op I just read this and have a massive smile on my face that you reconsidered. I think it was obvious you weren't sure about the termination. Congratulations on your little bundle, of course you will love him/ her just as much as the others.

NotInMyBackYard1 Thu 16-Feb-17 21:33:33

I'm so pleased - best of luck with the pregnancy and the amazing little bundle who will be joining and completing your family!

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