Pregnant with DC2, 14mo high needs DS constant tantrums

[AlisonOrdnung]

I'm at the end of my tether. I'm 8w pregnant with DC2 and exhausted. DS is 14mo and high needs. I'm too tired to pick him up constantly, which is what he wants and trying to distract him, sit down with him, anything other than picking him up results in a full throttle tantrum. This evening he actually bashed his head on the hard kitchen floor. I've no idea what to do with him. I love him very much, but at the moment he's just a screaming, gouging monster. He's not like this with DH. We've always been very close and he's always been clingy and screamy and difficult to pacify. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with two of them. I haven't slept properly for 17 months and all I can see in the future is more screaming and sleeplessness. I've started shouting at him and feel so guilty and just disastrous at this job which I so wanted to do right. It just all feels like such a colossal mess.

[MammyG]

It is so much harder when you are pregnant and tired yourself. And they pick up when you are not right and make the most of it. I have two very close together and at points felt very much like you do. Take a deep breath - you are not a disaster you are a normal person pushed to their limits and a good nights sleep would not go astray. Try and start there - is there any way you could timetable in a nap during the day or have someone let you away for a night or two? As for the behaviour side of things try and look on the bright side - you have 32 weeks to train him in!! I had to do this with DS1 on a lot of things. Pick small things first. Reward him for climbing up to you himself or or playing on his own. I had to train my guy to bum shuffle on the steps etc and understand what 'in a minute' means. Just pick small targets each week. My DS2 is a head basher too. The only thing that worked is ignoring it.
Try too to get some time every week to yourself. Out of the house doing normal things - meeting someone for coffee etc. this is my sanity. Every day when the kids are napping I do chores for half of it and sit on my tod with a cuppa and a mag or book for the other half regardless of what needs to be done.
Hope this helps and please dont think ill of your self because you dont have endless patience. We all have limits and being tired and dealing with it all would test anyone.We all go through periods of it. You must find a way to take care of yourself first - if you have the energy and patience the rest falls into place. Happy mommy=happy kids. take care.

[vicbar]

Hi havent really got any advice just didnt want to leave you unanswered.
Does DS have specific special needs if so do you have a support worker If not have you tried speaking to your health visitor to get help with an action plan. If he's not like it with your DH you knnow he's 'playing' you. BTW my friends DD started headbanging when she was pg and she was told to not react as its just a form af attention seeking.
I knwo your exhausted and it's all getting on top of you but if you can put the hard work in now it'll make the rest of the pg and when DC 2 arrives so much easier. Good luck

[vicbar]

Also another thing that helped was seeing people with small babies (maybe a play group if you dont have friends with newborns) as this helped me prepare my DC for the change and we talked about how they would help i.e getting nappies or wipes. Mine are very close together as well 14mths from DC1 TO DC2 19mths from DC2 TO DC3 and Im 35wks with DC 4 so that'll be 4 DC'S in 5.11mths.
Its all fun

[AlisonOrdnung]

Thank you so much. I'll try those things. I feel a lot better after a sleep (he only woke up once and then up for real at 5.15, grin). MammyG, small targets is a great idea, I think I'd just let it all get very big in my mind. And Vic, the baby group idea is brilliant. He completely lost it when I held a friend's 2mo so we definitely need some preparation. Thank you again, I really appreciate it. xx

[AlisonOrdnung]

And good luck with DC4 Vic!