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Anyone else jealous of dp for being able to do 'normal' things?

10 replies

mama2moo · 20/11/2009 13:41

Me and dp are on the verge or breaking up. We have a 17mo dd and Im 20 weeks.

For the past 3 months I have started to feel like I hate him because I am jealous of his life. He can go to work, go to the gym and do normal things.

I have told him this today and he thinks I need to speak to someone. Is it just my hormones?

This pregnancy came as a bit of a shock as we concieved instantly. I was expecting it to take a few years like dd. If Im being honest we should have waited and Im worried how I will cope with 2.

Are these things to raise with my midwife or does it sound more serious? Thanks.

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chestnutblue · 20/11/2009 13:44

It is normal to be jealous but that doesn't mean you have to put up with a situation you're not happy with. YOU don't need to go and see someone but maybe if you both went to counselling you could redress the balance in your lives so you don't become even more unhappy and your dp gets an idea of what you're going through. Don't give up. Try and fix this before your new dc's arrival.

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Scorps · 20/11/2009 13:45

I think most women, especially SAHMs can feel a tad resentful as our DH/DP gets a lunch hour, a peaceful day, no-one nagging when they wee, etc.

You can go to the gym too, or swim, or go to yoga. Do you get any time to yourself?

And also everyone worries about how they will cope; I'm 35 weeks with baby 4 and still wonder when i know it will be fine, as will you be

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mama2moo · 20/11/2009 13:58

I only get out on my own when I go to work part time. I finish work in 2 weeks so that little escape will finish then.

We dont have a 2nd car and dont have any spare money for me to do anything.

Its actually starting to get me down now. I went to Next and Tesco on Monday night - On my own. And loved it!!!

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fiziwizzle · 20/11/2009 14:24

mama2moo can't your DP babysit once a week so that you can get out by yourself? What about on a weekend, can't he take over some of the childcare to give you some 'you' time? His child too after all...

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mama2moo · 20/11/2009 14:28

We dont ever seem to have the time for me to go out on my own. There is always something to do.

I work 2 evenings, he goes to the gym 2 evenings and on a Saturday morning.

I have given up doing the housework so we do it at weekends.

TBH Im not even sure I would know what to do if he did have dd! Where did my life go?!

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fiziwizzle · 20/11/2009 14:37

Hmm. Well I would say let DP do the housework on a Saturday afternoon and you get out on your own, even if it's just another trip to Next and Tesco But better than that surely there is someone you can meet for a coffee and chat?

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Firsttimer7259 · 20/11/2009 18:19

I had awful shameful shouting fit at my husband recntly. I am 30 weeks with our first and its not been an easy pregnancy. I have to rest lots and he has to do a lot of stuff for me, I cant stand/walk for long. I really found my world shrinking on me and thats hard.

We are getting better at planning social stuff I can actually do, lke lunch/brunch instead of dinner (I am totally zonked by evening). some of this will lift when the baby is born as I should gte more mobile after that. But the rest is really tough. I think you both have to change though. Not just one.

Plus I dont think its fair your husband has all these gym sessions, do you have the same/similar amount of time for you?

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mollybob · 20/11/2009 18:23

Does a local gym/swimming baths have a creche - a nice soak with DD being occupied elsewhere is a godsend and if you can afford him to go to gym then you can afford you to do so as well. It is nice to soak when pregnant and you can do the same after baby comes too. Very easy to get bogged down when at home all the time but you need a routine that includes some "you time"

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mistletoekisses · 20/11/2009 19:03

Mama2moo

I totally get the point where you say that you never seem to have the time to go out on your own. But I would say that unless you specifically set aside time for you - your days will pass by in a blur of chores.

Can you and your DH agree some set times where he has your DD and you have some 'you time'?

If he has saturday mornings at the gym, can he do something with your DD on saturday pm?In my area there are plenty of weekend activities and the majority are attended by fathers with their DC's. Some things are free (sessions at library) or there are the obvious classes you pay for.

Also - if he has a gym membership - can he take your DD swimming there? He doesnt need to take her to a class, just a simple splash about?

And you can do whatever you feel like doing. When DH takes DS to his activities on the weekend, I can honestly say that 9 times out of 10, I sit on the couch and read/ snooze/ watch rubbish tv. I dont go anywhere/see anyone.

I think you both need to sit down and talk calmly. I think you also need to think about how you are going to tackle the first three months after your LO is born. He needs to know what you need from him. Show him this thread if you think it may help. FWIW - if my DH suggested that he was going to the gym three times a week in those first 12 weeks without giving me equal me time, we would have serious problems.

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mama2moo · 20/11/2009 19:03

He will give the gym for a while when dc2 is born. Before that he has to go, like its going to kill him if he doesnt!

I dont have a car so cant get to places like swimming pools etc. Buses round here dont have the low step for pushchairs either.

Ahhh. Last time was so much easier, I had a car and didnt have dd to deal with.