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Is he or not??

(10 Posts)
Comma2 Mon 28-Sep-09 01:02:39

I am sorry for ranting when there are all ladies with urgent questions, but I have started to really dislike my dh and don't want to vent to DD.

Everything he does seems to be to spite me and I could just constantly yell at him. I'm not sure how much is hormones though, and whether he tries and I just put it in the worst light or whether i am right.

Little things, like not buying stuff on the grocery list (lets not talk about the attitude I get bc he has to go shopping once in 5 years) so I can't cook. Washing all laundry too hot so expensive shirts shrink to completley useless or everythign is dyed blue (and yes, he knows how to do laundry really). LEaving cleaning stuff outside so the toddler gets into it. All along the same lines: Poor me can't do this, you must do it.

When I was released from the hospital where I spent the night bc I was in horrible pain he made me wait three hours on the street before he picked me up. And for no good reason, let me tell you. I drove myself to and back from eye surgery bc he didn't feel like coming.

He vetoed a 50$ expense for a used sofa, becuase he doesn't give a sh*t whether I am comfortable or not. What the heck, I can sit on a chair. That bugged the hell out of me, and I, 34 weeks and with 18 months old, couldn't just go and get it myself.

But the worst: never doing anything unpleasant for the toddler, but then swaning in to save the situation with giggles and kisses when she screams becasue I had to brush her teeth or similar. Never gets up at night and very rarely in the morning, even when I'm sick. This really gets to me!! I don't need his fecking 'help', he's just alienating the kid from me by playing good cops bad cops. Grrr. Don't even want him in the delivery room anymore. Or show him the new baby. None of his bloody business.

I don't have the energy to discuss stuff, as he never admits to anything anyway and it all ends with me getting even madder and he basking in his imaginary innocence. God I hate him right now.

Sorry again. Any hope this gets better after delivery or should I just divorce him right now?

TishTosh21 Mon 28-Sep-09 09:26:00

I think before you do anything rash you need to sit and talk to him, find out if there is a reason hes doing this, maybe hes a bit worried about the new baby, stress at work etc.
Dont go charging into it thinking the worst there could be a reasonable explanation.
You say u dont have the energy to discuss stuff but this might be just what it needs. Being pg can take its toll on men aswell (although no where near as much as it does for women!)

Hope you can sort something out, it will be hearder looking after a newborn and a toddler on your own.

rubyslippers Mon 28-Sep-09 09:28:10

he sounds horrendously selfish

has his behaviour always been like this or did this co-incide with the 2nd pregnancy?

i think you need a big talk asap

rubyslippers Mon 28-Sep-09 09:30:25

I have had awful SPD in this pregnancy and DH has bought me breakfast in bed every day for weeks now as it is so bad in the mornings

DH works very long hours at work and is stressed but there is no way he would leave me to struggle like the OP describes

work stress may be an explanation but it is not an excuse to behvae like a tosser IMO

leaving her for 3 hours on the street - wanker ...

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Mon 28-Sep-09 09:33:58

Sounds like more of a toddler than your 18mth old.

As rubyslippers says, you need a big talk very quickly.

TishTosh21 Mon 28-Sep-09 10:27:31

I agree with leaving u on the street for 3 hours, that was a really bastard thing to do. My DP would never do that, i know all men are different but there really is no excuse for that.

fiziwizzle Mon 28-Sep-09 12:35:23

You are putting up with a LOT. You should defnitely talk to him but if this behaviour pattern is long term and not just in response to your pregnancy... Would he go to relationship counselling? It would be VERY hard to look after a baby and toddler on your own (my cousing is doing just that and it's physically and mentally exhausting) but maybe you would be better off without this man.

Comma2 Mon 28-Sep-09 13:17:45

Sometimes I do wonder how much different it'd be to e on your own, but just the finacial side of it is too complicated right now- I'd rather put up a couple of years, then get a job myself again and see how I feel.

Sometimes we get along really well- he has good qualitites as well I admit- but sometimes I just feel really lonely and like it'd be easier not to have to deal with him too. I thought that was's hard to know what is oneself being a hormonal wuss and what is an insight he should have...

whensmydayoff Thu 01-Oct-09 14:39:55

My mum was worried about the financial side of leaving my dad. She always thought, give it a few years, this will be better or that will have changed.
28 Years later she had wasted her life with a tosser.
If anyone say's to me "I stayed for the children" (and you didn't say that I know) It's like a red rag to a bull.
Living in an atmosphere as a child is a very nerve racking, confidence killing thing to do to a child. I'd rather have been living with just my mum and brother in poverty than what me and my brother lived with.
Constant arguments. Name calling, verbal abuse beyond the pale.
My dad was also violent a few times but that was a peice of cake compared to the verbal aspect.
I don't know your DH or you for that matter and it might not be anywhere near as bad but if any of the above applies including the constant arguing - get out now. If relate can't save things or get him to see how selfish he is being or indeed help you both to comunicate properly then it's a waste of time.
You will get your life back eventually but not in an unhappy marraige.
My mums re married to a wonderful man now grin!

Comma2 Thu 01-Oct-09 17:09:24

He isn't abusive at all, just so damn thoughtless.
It's a bit better again, also his sister and kids came to visit so he's trying a bit harder to help. Ugh, though. I still feel like he's doing things to spite me, which prob isn't true, he's just thoughtless. If I clear a space, he''ll dump somehtign there because its convenient. That sort of thing, jsut all the time. Like I just washed the crib mattress and put it flat to dry and he dumps two old carton boxes with recycle on them to 'clean up'.Grrr.

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