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Expecting DC2 and worried that I haven't bonded with the idea yet and that I won't have enough love and energy to go round

(15 Posts)
Roomfor2 Sun 09-Aug-09 18:21:21

Hi, I'm 10 wks pregnant with DC 2 and have a 2.6 yr DC1, who I am totally in love with. So much so that I am struggling to see how I can fit another DC into my life. It was a planned pregnancy, and both DH and I were (are) v pleased, but I'm struggling to "bond" with the idea at the moment and worried that this won't change...

I'm worried that I'll not love the new one as much as DC1, or that I will struggle to give enough to DC1 once my time and energy are consumed by the new baby.

If I'm honest, I'm dreading the new arrival at the moment and wondering if I've made a horrible mistake, but I always wanted 2 children as don't want DC1 to be an only child (no offence to anyone who is/has an only child, it's just a personal choice of ours to have more than one). I'm looking forward to having a complete family and for DC1 to have a sibling, etc, and I don't mind at all whether it is a boy or another girl.

I'm just dreading the first year and really scared of how it will affect DC1 and my ability to cope on a day-to-day basis.

Is this normal to feel like this? Will it change? Is it just because I am still feeling nauseous and exhausted at the very thought of babies at the moment (as only 10 wks)? Will I feel better once I'm a bit further along?

Any words of advice for how to talk myself out of this now and when the baby arrives much appreciated.

MamaG Sun 09-Aug-09 18:25:44

I think this very normal, I felt similar.

You don't have a "pot" of love, i.e. you haven't given all your love to DD and won't have anything left for the baby

When baby comes, you'll love him just as much (ooh, him) amd will love seeing the relationship your DD has with new baby

slushy06 Sun 09-Aug-09 18:32:39

Can't give you any advice on how to talk yourself out of it but I felt exactly the same as everything you said.

The feeling didn't go away until I had my baby but she is 3 weeks old and ds loves her and I love them both equally and I am v happy. Also it is easier than it was on ds as I know more.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours Sun 09-Aug-09 18:34:54

I felt a bit like this, but what I realised is that youdon't split the love you have for your first child with your second, you have a whole lot of different life. Much like
you love your mum, dad, dh, dc in different ways.

HTH (and makes sense)

Roomfor2 Sun 09-Aug-09 18:57:16

Thanks all of you. I feel better knowing that it's normal to have these kinds of doubts. I was so looking forward to being pregnant again it's just a shock to suddenly feel so indifferent towards the new baby and not be more excited about it like I was with DC1. But I suppose it is always going to be different second time round, and I'm pleased to hear it will be easier with number 2. Hopefully we will all slot into place as you say once the baby is born. thanks loads

MamaG Sun 09-Aug-09 22:26:44

One thing that I hadn't ocnsidered but really enjoyed after birth of second baby was seeing my oldest with him. DD was 4 when he was born and she was so delighted with him, i just melted! I think that all helps with the bonding

Your DD will be over 3 when your baby is born which is a lovely age. Buy her her own special baby doll, pram, bath etc (as a present from your new baby!) and that will make things easier, i.e. "I'll bath the baby and youc an bath YOUR baby in your bath" - yes things will take longer but your DD will feel so important!

skybright Sun 09-Aug-09 22:44:52

Very normal,i cried when leaving the house in labour with my dd2. I was gazing at my sleeping dd1 feeling very guilty.

She fell in love with her little sister very quickly as did i,although at 14 and 11 the love is a little less frequent grin.

You will be fine.x

suiledonn Sun 09-Aug-09 22:49:20

When I felt the same as you Roomfor2 someone told me 'the love doubles, not halves'. At the time I thought it was corny but it is so true.

sheeplikessleep Mon 10-Aug-09 08:14:23

How reassuring, as I feel the same, I'm 8 weeks preg with DC2.
I also feel guilty that I am less 'excited' about the pregnancy stage - whereas last time every feeling was new, I read all the books on every week, loved feeling pregnant now I just see the pregnancy as a means to an end. But I do feel more sick and exhausted this time.
I too am really worried about the first few months and coping day to day, even getting out the house with 2 dc (god that sounds pathetic of me - so many cope with huge numbers of children). DS will be 2.6 when dc2 is born. Totally planned too and want more children, but I feel my rose tinted spectacles have fallen off, since falling preg.
(PS I am excited about having another dc, I think it's just I am more realistic this time).
Sorry for hijacking your thread, but I felt so reassured by reading the other posts.

Roomfor2 Mon 10-Aug-09 10:37:16

Thanks again everyone - the love doubles, I love that and will hold on to it as that makes me feel a lot better.

Sheep - glad everyone's responses have made you feel better too, and it's nice to know I am not the only one feeling like this smile

minouminou Mon 10-Aug-09 14:07:41

Roomfor2, don't think about it for an instant longer - everything you've said is totally normal, and you'll feel daft (but in a good way0 when DC2 is finally with you!

oysterpots Mon 10-Aug-09 14:33:09

This is american but cute, and has a few good things to say about second children and how to prepare x

Pinkjenny Tue 11-Aug-09 09:53:37

Roomfor2 - I was worried about this, and posted almost exactly the same thread a few weeks ago. I am now 19 weeks pg, and as the baby has started to wriggle a bit, I am getting more excited!

Roomfor2 Tue 11-Aug-09 10:42:34

Good to know Pinkjenny, thanks - I have a scan soon so hoping that will help kickstart things a bit, as so far the only evidence of the new baby has been nausea, which I'm not appreciating too much! Maybe a cute scan pic will melt me a little... smile

Roomfor2 Tue 11-Aug-09 10:47:41

Pinkjenny - congrats by the way, and I hope the responses on here help you, too smile

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