38+4 and now very scared-HELP!!

[mishkamoo]

I shouldn't really be complaining as up until now I've had a relatively easy pregnancy, BUT... having had mild 'bouts' of piles throughtout, I've now got piles with a vengeance (?sp??) and as well as hurting all the time and really getting me down, it's making me really scared about how I'm going to cope with labour and the post labour period. If I'm in this much discomfort now, this is surely only going to increase once the baby is born, and I have piles (probably worse than now), AND possibly stitches,and a very bruised and sore fanjo, and sore boobs, all whilst trying to cope with a newborn baby. Everytime I think about it, I start crying and worrying. I thought I was quite brave and quite strong, but a few days of chronic pain/discomfort has put me straight on that front. I really don't think I'll be able to cope. What am I going to do???
I've tried all the usual creams, but nothing is making it any better, and I get no respite, as however I stand or sit, it still hurts. DH is being brilliant, but feels quite helpless. I feel like such a wuss-its only piles for goodness sake, but I never thought they could be this painful. Sorry for such a long message. Any advice much appreciated!

[teenspirit]

You will be fine. Labour is one day it's shit but well worth it. What ever your experience you will be able to cope as you will get an inner strength that you never knew you had and because it's no longer about you but this little being that is depending on you - how you feel will fade into the background.
Your contractions will take your mind off anything else and you will soon forget your piles! At the end of my labour I had one the size of a small colliflower on the outside and it hurt to move but it shrank without cream in a couple of days and really was only painful when pooing (which was bad!) trick is to lift one side of your bum off the toilet seat and support it with your hand squishing in till your comfortable iykwim.
I think most people feel like they've been in a car wreck after labour and how anyone gets through the first few days is a miracle but we do and you will. Get as much support as possible from friends partners and family stay in bed as much as you can and just look after your baby. Within a week you will feel so much better and within a month you will be nearly back to normal.
First time I had an episiotomy and second time a second degree tear - both stitches were fine and didn't bother me. Even having them - I just asked for more local when I felt a prick!
A newborn isn't that hard when you break it down they eat sleep poop and cry....the worst is the sleep deprivation. You will be fine honest.
Good luck
xxx

[moopymoo]

i think most of us (well definitely me) have had that 'oh my god what have i done its going to be awful' feeling in late pregnancy. that slow dawning of the realisation that life and our bodies will never be the same again. But the thing that is impossible to get your head round at this stage, and the thing that will get you through, is Baby. A whole new person that you have grown. So it will hurt, a lot, you will feel like a car wreck, but its a whole new scary adventure that you are right at the beginning of. and its the best ride ever.

[HelpMNINeedYou]

I agree with teenspirit. you do seem to get an inner strengththat you never knew you had. i felt like superwoman for a few weeks after having DD, I could and did do anything and everything.

It is normal to worry and as much as we tell you that you will cope and be ok it doesn't make you feel better until you are actually coping.

Its not only piles though is it, they are really uncomfortable and I was lucky enough to only have them mildly after having DD. You are right to feel worried and scared you are going through a very big life changing event that hurts!!!!

I had an epiostomy with DD and seriously the sticthes didn't bother me a jot and a few days down the line I was all healed.

Like Teenspirit says newborns are not hard really, a lot of the time it is the sleepless nights thart are the worst bit.
Everything else will come easy. Remember to sleep in the day when your lo does, let your DH do the housework and cooking.

[ajm200]

Labour is an intense experience but nature makes you forget all about the pain when you are holding your little one in your arms a few minutes later. You still know it was intense and uncomfortable but you won't remember the actual pain.

As the others have said, newborns aren't hard work really. They have limited needs, they just want food, warmth, cuddles, sleep and to be clean. They sleep most of the time, it just doesn't feel like it when you are totally sleep deprived. Take the opportunity to sleep when your baby sleeps, it is easier to shift your sleep routine to match theirs. We are all given this advice but most of us fail to follow it and walk round in a daze for months..

For the piles, try wiping them with a slice of lemon after you've been to the loo. It will sting at the time, but does help to shrink them.

Another thing to do is change your diet so that it is very high in fibre to ease the constipation, drink loads of water and eat loads of fruit. It does help. I had piles when I had DS but this time round I've eaten loads of fruit and despite iron tablets have managed to avoid constipation and more piles.

[coolj]

I havent tried this but I read in a book that wrapped ice held on piles should ease pain. Its worth a try. Or maybe even a cold pack from the fridge.

Hope this helps and good luck with your baby.

[AbbeyA]

I was really scared before I had my 1st. I had to go in and be induced and I really wanted to change my mind and not have a baby!However as I knew it was too late I had to stay put! It wasn't anything like as bad as I feared. I now have 3 DCs and although I wouldn't want to be pregnant again I wouldn't mind giving birth. It is painful but exciting at the same time! Good luck.
My piles went after the birth.

[mishkamoo]

Thankyou all for kind words of reassurance! I hear what your all saying but what if I don't get that instant rush of love, and and that 'bond' with the baby that makes it all seem worthwhile? What if I'm too selfish and resent the baby for all the pain and the tiredness?? I know that makes me sound like a really horrible, evil person, but I'm really worried.

[expatinscotland]

as someone who also has terrible piles, i feel your pain!

i'm not going to dismiss that or gloss it over becuase it's dismissive of you.

ring your GP and ask him/her what you can have after the birth to get rid of them, even if breastfeeding you should be able to have something like Xyloproct or Proctasyl (sp) or something stronger than Anusol or Germaloids, and some Lactulose, too.

because unless you've experience having really bad ones, you don't realise how much they hurt, burn, bleed and make your life a misery.

lay it on thick, too! cry, sit all funny, etc.

get an gel ice pack NOW. spritz a kitchen towel with witch hazel and sit on that sucker at least twice a day.

[expatinscotland]

and I didn't get the instant rush of love.

don't beat yourself up if you don't.

you're not alone.

acknowledge that your body's been through a lot and allow it to heal.

all in good time, including this mythical rush of love.

[Pushpinia]

Teenspirit puts it very frankly and clearly so I salute her

It's ok. You can't influence how you're going to feel afterwards now so try not to worry about it. Yes, it can be hard and we have all been there and are still alive and lot of us didn't have that first rush of love for a little while - but it didn;t matter. The baby takes over every bit of your mind and heart, not necessarily in a lovey dovey way but because it is sudden;y real - trust me, you will be overhwelmed! And it will make you proud that you did it.

The pain is a kind of initiation ceremony if you like - that's how I saw it - and surprisingly after the baby is out, there is far, far less pressure on your body and it can then start to fix itself without the burden of the enormous baby inside it

So the only way is up, afterwards. Things will start to improve as soon as baby is out!

Also many of us go back and have another one at some point so that means you do get back to Ok, it takes a little while but you'll have lots of hormones and adrenalin and also a busy life to help you through it.

Honestly - it's hard to imagine until you've done it once but it really will be ok after a few days. Be prepared to feel like a truck hit you and it might not even be that bad! You will be in the process of recovery though. That's the important thing as you will have hope!!

[ajm200]

You will bond with your baby and love it to bits.. it might just take a while longer than you see in the movies..

I thought I hadn't bonded with DS at the birth, was exhausted after a week of no sleep and he cried non-stop for 48hours so the MWs took him away to let me sleep.

I couldn't settle at all knowing he was distressed and away from me so obviously had bonded with him but was too tired to realise it at the time. Lots of cuddles and skin to skin contact really helps.

All mums have selfish moments when they wonder what they have done, long for more sleep, personal time, freedom etc or just want baby to stop crying.. this doesn't make you a bad mum.. it makes you human. Don't worry too much, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your LO when it arrives.

[Peachy]

Be gentle with yourself- its an motional time now.

Are you sitting on an inflated rubber ring? MIL swore by tat

[midnightexpress]

All your feelings are completely normal.

I didn't get the rush either. But I would move mountains for them now.

It's a massive change and I felt very sad in the last few days of my 1st pg. Sad for the end of the pg (which I really enjoyed first time), and sad for the end of a part of my life.

But it's also the start of a whole shiny new part. It'll be sore and you'll be knackered, but be easy on yourself, don't expect miracles and enjoy your lovely fuzzy-topped new baby.

[HelpMNINeedYou]

Mishkamoo, not everyone gets that initial rush of love for their child just after they have given birth, I never did. TBH I think I was in shock and kept thinking OMG I have a baby, I am a mum, WTF am I going to do with a baby, are they crazy letting me take this beautiful little creatue home with me. But the love is there, bubbling away inside you, you will not doubt feel fiercly protective of your lo and you will love your lo, there is no doubt in my mind about that.

Giving birth is such a big experience that you cant possibly recognise every thought and feeling that you are experiencing.

Worrying can be a good thing it helps you to prepare your mind and body for what is going to happen.

I read your OP and thought to myself that I could have written exactly the same when I was hevily pg (minus the piles as I didn't have them in pregnancy)

It is hard but when you get to hold your beautiful, wonderful little baby in your arms I assure you everything will seem right with the world.

[expatinscotland]

It is hard but when you get to hold your beautiful, wonderful little baby in your arms I assure you everything will seem right with the world.

I didn't.

I got PND. It does happen.

I felt even worse for feeling like that it all should be wonderful and right with the world.

So all I am doing right now is offering a different point of view and what was my experience in hopes that a) the OP won't feel the way I did b) BUT if she does, to please don't be afraid to tell someone, anyone, that she does and not suffer in silence needlessly or feel she's less of a mum because things didn't work the way everyone says they're supposed to.

mish, if your piles still hurt so much please go back to your GP and try to head things off because it will lessen your anxiety.

Talk about how scared you are with your midwives or GP IRL.

It's okay to acknowledge that birth is a big deal and affects everyone's body differently and there is nothing wrong with that.

All i can say is that even if it's not all roses afterwards, you are going to be allright.

[HelpMNINeedYou]

Expat, I am sorry to hear that, TBH PND never crossed my mind when I wrote out my last post. I didn't mean in to sound flippant. Sorry OP.

I think lots of different perspectives are a good thing for the OP to be aware of, then if she were to suffer with PND or any problems at least then she will be armed with that knowlege.

I really hoep you feel better soon OP, as Expat say's giving birth is a big deal and we all deal with it differently.

[expatinscotland]

It never occurred to me, either, when I had my first child, and I wish I'd have known.

That's why I try to share the experience with other new mums to be. I hope they don't get it, but I want them know that if it does and you don't feel well, to please not beat yourself up and get some help, even if you need a friend or partner to ring the GP for you.

It happens to around 10-20% of new mums.

But help is out there and doesn't have to put a blight on your life or experience .