Hi all
I found out nearly 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant, I am 5+3 today. I am 36 and in a stable happy relationship and I love my DP very much, however this pregnancy was not planned and has come as rather a shock to both of us. We had intended to start trying to have a baby in the future, maybe a year or so's time, but not yet. DP and I are not married (by way of background I separated from my former husband 2.5 years ago and met DP about 6months later. Ex and I get on well and he also has a new partner, we started divorce proceedings a year ago and got Decree Nisi on 15 July and Decree Absolute set to be granted next week).
I don't feel excited about my pregnancy yet, at the moment I am mainly scared and I feel awful about that, especially as I know that many women who are having difficulty getting pregnant would love to be in my position.
I am rather scared about the prospect of becoming a mum at all. I am frightened that I won't enjoy motherhood - some children I really enjoy spending time with but others I emphatically don't and I am so frightened that I won't enjoy my baby, who deserves a loving mummy. I have been very used to being independent and doing my own thing and worried that I will find it hard to adjust to losing freedom and the demands of motherhood. As a result of spending time with one friend who had a baby last year, I get the impression that motherhood is all hard work and no fun, I really hope that my impression is wrong and although very hard work I will enjoy being a mum and will be a good mum to my baby.
I am worried about how my mum will react to the news - she is lovely but rather traditional and I think she may disapprove of me being pregnant outside marriage.
I am also concerned about how the news will be taken at work as the head of the firm I work for is very old fashioned. I will need to go back to work after maternity leave and don't want to be made to feel bad or be treated differently becuase DP and I aren't married.
I feel really awful to have all these fears and I realise they may seem very stupid and selfish. I do really want to be a good mum as little one deserves nothing less, I am so worried that because I don't feel excited about the baby now, that I won't enjoy being a mum.
I suppose what I am trying to ask - has anyone out there ever felt any worries like mine, and did it turn out OK in the end.
I'm sorry to have rambled on, thanks for reading and for any wise words you may have. I really didn't want to bother anyone with all this but I have no-one else to ask as we haven't told any family or friends about the baby yet and I'd be so grateful to have the benefit of your experience.
Love
LD
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Pregnancy
Pregnant with first baby and scared (long - sorry)
14 replies
littleduck · 28/08/2008 14:15
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