Breastfeeding: Feel like a failure

[CherryRave]

I have just had a baby and I am struggling to get my baby to latch every time. I feel like such a failure. Does anyone have any experience of latching in the first few weeks of pregnancy that could be useful?

[mumofone234]

You're not failing - it's hard! It does take a while to get used to it all, and definitely isn't easy for everyone. I found it hard, and had to ask for help from the breastfeeding advisor in the first couple of weeks, but after some practice and persistence we settled into it really well and had no further issues. So: 1) don't let it feel personal, or like a failure, and 2) don't be afraid to ask for help.

[MyOtherProfile]

It's so hard. Have you spoken to a local breastfeeding counselor? Mine really helped me but I still gave up after 3 months.

[KittyKate478]

You are not a failure! You are doing amazing! It's hard for babies to latch first. They are learning too. Stay relaxed. It's all about letting the baby come to your nipple, not you bringing the baby to your nipple.
Sure other people on here will give you better advice soon xx

[KittyKate478]

Oh just thought.. tongue tie is always something to check. So get baby booked in to this clinic asap if you can. Loads of baby's seem to have that!

[Mattieandmummy]

My best advice would be to find a breastfeeding support group near you either an NHS one or La Leche League or the Breastfeeding Network or a lactation consultant which you can find here: lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

But please don't feel like a failure, it's bloody tough in the early days when you don't know if you're doing it right.

[Bumblenums]

It's so hard OP- No one really tells you that breastfeeding takes so long to get the hang off, and in the meantime it can bloody hurt! Remember your baby is still getting it right too! Keep trying and just make sure enough wet nappies/baby putting on weight. Let ur boobs breath and lanisoh cream is great.

[mowglika]

You’re not a failure, it can be difficult for newborn babies to latch sometimes.

Find a local breastfeeding support group you will get lots of practical help.

Your baby may also have tongue tie which is easily remedied if that’s the case.

Think about the CHIN acronym - keep baby close, let his head be free with minimal support, in line so his body doesn’t twist so he can feed effectively, and nose to nipple. Look up more on this for positioning and attachment help.

Let baby do as much of the work as possible, and take your time. Lots of skin to skin time as well so baby can practice latching when he isn’t starving and frustrated.

Good luck, once you have the correct positioning it gets easier.

[Kona84]

It is so hard I could only get baby to latch on the left for first few weeks and was needing to use a hakka pump on the right.
Then I learnt the fripple technique and had her more sat up on the right side.
Experiment with different techniques. My baby also likes a laying down feed, and I often feed her in a reclined position as I have a fast letdown.

You could phone the breast feeding helpline they may be able to put you in touch with local support.

[Narutocrazyfox]

Try this - I can't guarantee it will work for you, but it certainly helped me in the early days...

Pull the skin slightly next to your nipole to ensure your nipple is pointing slightly upwards, towards your baby's top lip. Then just as they are about to latch let it pop into their mouth like that, slightly angled upwards towards the roof of the mouth (sorry this isn't a great description!)

I found this really, really helped me feed more comfortably, especially in the early days with the nipple cracking/bleeding! Good luck xxx

[Flutterby8]

I struggled so much to feed DD for the first few weeks and she lost alot of weight. I felt like an absolute failure and cried my eyes out.
I was given so much conflicting information from various midwives and our health visitor that I just felt under supported and confused.

When she didnt gain weight steadily I paid for a private midwife/lactation consultant as I was worried about her having a tongue tie and this being the cause.
I was right.
She had a severe posterior tongue tie which the private midwife snipped there and then and almost immediately feeding was easier.
She also gave me lots of advice which was helpful and I found that she listened to my concerns and took me seriously.
We came up with a feeding plan which involved formula top ups to aid the weight gain and offer me support as my milk didnt come in properly.
This was the best £200 ive ever spent as DD is doing so well now.

Dont be hard on yourself.
Caring for a newborn is literally the hardest and most lonely thing i have ever done.
Youre doing amazing by simply caring. Keep going.

[CherryRave]

Thank you all so much for your responses. It has made me feel a lot better and I can't thank you enough knowing that I am not alone. I will look into all the tips as well and check for tongue tie

[MrsT36]

It’s so hard!! You’re not a failure at all, you’re doing amazing! The health visitor got our local lactation consultants to come out and they saved my sanity. They even came out on a Sunday morning after I’d been up all night crying trying to feed 🤣
We also had a tongue tie snipped at 4 days old which made a big difference. Best to go to a specialist as she also gave us a class on latching too.
And don’t be afraid to give some formula if you need to. I have a couple of pre mixed bottles to give my poor nipples a break. Then we got over the hump and went back to EBF. Good luck!!! X

[Aria2015]

It's really hard and something new that both you and your baby need to learn and get the hang of. I struggled with my first and second in the those first few weeks. For me, YouTube videos of latching and different feeding positions helped. It was useful to see real life examples and try different holds. Good luck and please don't feel like a failure, you're doing amazingly, it's just super hard to start but it does get easier and eventually feels like it just happens naturally.

[MoreThanRubies]

You’re not alone, please keep asking for help from midwives, health visitors, breastfeeding helplines. Ask and ask again if you need to as things change day by day. You are not a bother, you are important and your needs matter x

[sabrinatheteenagemortal]

I was in hospital 5 days (pre COVID times) as I couldn't get dd to latch. It was soul destroying. She ended up having some cup fed formula. But we eventually cracked it, thanks to a midwife who we t against protocol and gave me nipple shields to use. They worked wonders, needed them for a few months then she started to latch on her own. Still feeding now at 2. Might not work for you but maybe worth a try!

[CherryRave]

Thanks everyone. Had a bit more luck yesterday and I'm just trying to stay positive. Thanks for all your kind words :)

[KatieKat88]

OP are you able to contact your local infant feeding team through your midwife? Mine were amazing and in person support is best as they can correct the latch - tiny changes can make a big difference.

[NotVictorianHonestly]

Please do speak to your Local La Leche League and the National Breastfeeding Helpline.

If you can afford it a consultation with an IBCLC (specially qualified lactation consultant) is your best option. I paid about £150 in London to give a guide.

Definitely get baby checked for tongue tie, but this needs to be done by someone with specialist training, not a regular midwife or GP as they often miss the less obvious ones. The above sources can help you with that.

Good luck! The first few weeks are hard. They nearly killed me! But once I was through them it was so much easier and we're still going strong nearly 2 years on (which was unimaginable then).

[Mattieandmummy]

It's tough when both you and baby are learning but once you've both got it, it's really easy.

Please don't be worried about asking for help though, there are loads of ways to do it as others have said - either free or not free. For me seeing a lactation consultant was the best thing I ever did and I went on to breastfeed my first until 2 and a half which was unimaginable at first.

[Danikm151]

Remember you’re both learning!
You’re not a failure at all

[Puppyseahorse]

Have you tried nipple shields? They worked wonders for me. The make the nipple a much easier shape for the baby to grab onto.

It doesn’t have to be perfect- use whatever tools you need!

[RMsMama]

Hi OP! We struggled a bit too and turns out he had tongue tie. Once it was cut BFing got soooo much worse as he had to learn it all over again. After a couple of weeks everything was great, no more pain and feeds were more efficient.

My baby was in SCBU and in the childrens hospital so BFing was hard whilst he was there. We were referred to the infant feeding team at the maternity unit and they really helped with new positons etc. The best for us was the 'koala' where you straddle baby over your thigh and lean them up your body resting their head on your arm. Best to google laid back breastfeeding or trying it whilst lay down? For the first 6months I could only feed him laying down as the latch was so bad in cradle! Deffo contact your HV they can refer you and they are more than happy to help as they want whats best for you both x