Husbands drinking issues

[Miss2820]

Hi just after some advice really and just to actually let off some steam

So I’m 20 weeks pregnant currently have a daughter who’s 4.. so as you can imagine it’s hard work 😓.. my main issue is my husbands drinking he’s not an alcoholic or something but it’s just every weekend he just goes out and gets pissed with his uncle or friends.. it’s constant every weekend and sometimes can be one day in the week too.. I’m not a wife who says stuff like u ain’t allowed out blah blah I don’t stop him.. but there’s a difference of going to the pub for a few drinks and you come home n then there’s u going to the pub and coming back pissed at 2:30 in the morning and then not waking up in the morning to look after your daughter... I’m just getting sick n tired of it every single weekend I just get told oh I have had a long week with work and soon as I say well why don’t u actually do something with your daughter take her out etc it just turns into a big thing like oh don’t make out I don’t do nothing ?? But hold on u don’t yeah u pay the bills I work part time but that’s got nothing to do with what you do with ur own child surely?? Being pregnant u don’t need the stress and agg and then ur up the next day early coz my daughter is and it’s always me he never gets up early just stays asleep while I do everything else..

Like yesterday we was meant to go out and eat and then my daughter asked n he was like no we go Sunday n then as he was leaving she said why don’t u stay home with us?? Surely that should make u think twice or at least come back early.. to me your not single on your own where you can come back at 2/3 in the morning. I just think what if something was to happen and I needed him to support me take me to hospital how can that even be possible ?!

I’m just so fed up 😞

[Wolfiefan]

He’s a binge drinking manchild who isn’t a good partner or parent.
You need to prepare to be a single parent. He isn’t going to suddenly change OP.

[Miss2820]

U really think so? That’s very sad to hear.. when he’s good he’s amazing and then when he does stuff like this it makes me think why do u need to do that? Like doesn’t ur mind or urself make u think I’ve had enough of drinking it’s too much

[eternalflame2020]

Hey @miss2820 that sounds like a really stressful situation. Maybe he doesn't understand the severity of the situation. I would suggest sitting down and talking to him during the week when your little one is asleep and emotions aren't already high. Explain calmly how you are feeling and give him the opportunity to talk too.

It sounds like there is hope there if this is the one issue and you are about to have your 2nd child. Good luck

[CodenameVillanelle]

He's a type of alcoholic- he's a binge drinker and he's ruining your lives. Why would he change when it suits him to live like this? What do you think will happen when you have two children to care for? More of the same. Prepare to be a single parent I'm afraid.

[Wolfiefan]

Eternal flame he didn’t change his behaviour after the first child was born and clearly doesn’t see his drinking as a problem. So what hope is there exactly?
This is a form of alcoholism. His drinking affects the family and your relationship. It affects his ability to be a good father.

[Mintjulia]

Perhaps wait until he's at the pub and then go stay with your parents. Leave the fridge empty, turn the hot water off, his laundry unwashed. Make it very clear what an empty house feels like.

When he rings, say you need company and being married to him is lonely.

[Miss2820]

Thanks everyone for your reply’s.. just gnna go out with my Daughter for the day don’t actually want to be at home for when he wakes up whenever that is.. just need to clear my head..just feel really upset this morning

[mumsofboys]

@Miss2820 I was going to suggest you going out and enjoying your daughter alone before he arises.

I'd personally say we need to talk. Say this isn't working with you going out and it's affect our daughter. I don't want it affecting the new baby so either buck your ideas up or leave.

If he then goes out still he has made your decision for you.

Would you want your daughter to be with someone like this? She'll be looking up to your relationship.

I hope you're ok.

[SilverLining89]

I think his issue is that to him, his weekend nights of drinking 'til 2 am have become the norm. Because members of his family do it too it further rationalises and normalises this behaviour.

I'm not saying it's right- its obviously not- but I think he just wants to be doing what others are doing and it's not normal, fair on you or acceptable.

My DP is lovely and the love of my life but he bows to peer pressure to meet his friends down the pub for a "session" - the majority of them are single and not soon-to-be Dad's so I can somewhat sympathise. But no offense, my partner is nowhere near as extreme as yours.

Have a lovely day out with your daughter, the weather is lovely where I am and so I hope it is for you too :) But when you come home I'd have a chat with him and make a clear and firm point that this behaviour is unacceptable and cannot continue.

Once in a while is understandable but this has become a habit. Ask him - why does a drink down the pub have to become an all nighter everytime?