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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

For the older Mum's...

16 replies

LJEva · 09/08/2020 17:02

Hi all

I'm not sure this is allowed...

As a mum of an 8 year old and with a baby on the way at the ripe old age of 42 I’ve found myself being shocked by how much negativity there is surrounding having a baby in your 40’s... packed with fears, tests and talks of routine inductions and that isn’t how I wanted to experience this absolute blessing of being Mum again.

I thought it would be a nice idea to create a bit of a forum or group for us older Mum's to talk pregnancy and babies because I've noticed that it's certainly different this time around. From consultants talking about inducing you automatically at 39 weeks (this happened to me!) through to being worried about walking in to a Mum and baby group and being the oldest in the room...

My little girl is due on Christmas Eve 2020 :)

It's so different to be going through pregnancy later in life and very often our friends aren't in the same boat... all my friends now have teenagers!

I want it to be a positive space and apologies in advance if it isn't allowed!

www.facebook.com/groups/1206610349717339/

OP posts:

Report

OhioOhioOhio · 09/08/2020 17:05

It's none of their business. Congratulations!!!

Houndabouttown · 09/08/2020 17:08

Consultants talking to you about inducing at 39 weeks aren’t doing it to be rude, it’s to lower your risk of still birth, which is higher for older mums. It’s for your baby’s safety and should definitely be considered.

SarahLouiseI · 09/08/2020 17:09

I’m 39, due in March, this will be my 4th. We havnt told many people yet because of the amount of negativity and stereotyping we have faced. The amount of judging going on has been crazy.
It’s so sad because we are both really happy about baby.

Houndabouttown · 09/08/2020 17:10

Meant to say congratulations too! And I think pregnancies in late 30s/ early 40s are increasingly common so there will be many in the same shoes.

MrsDubz · 09/08/2020 17:18

I'm 41 and due my 4th in March, when I'll be 42. We haven't told anyone yet but I'm definitely nervous about the response from people and also all the additional risks there seem to be...

LJEva · 09/08/2020 17:37

Absolutely agree if there is a reason for it but I was told it is purely due to risk of pre-eclampsia and so I said if I am healthy and baby is healthy then I will be left for nature to take it's course? The answer was well no.

My midwife thinks the complete opposite and is supporting me in allowing baby to come when she wants to as long as we're both healthy which was my only wish.

OP posts:

LJEva · 09/08/2020 17:38

@SarahLouiseI

I’m 39, due in March, this will be my 4th. We havnt told many people yet because of the amount of negativity and stereotyping we have faced. The amount of judging going on has been crazy.
It’s so sad because we are both really happy about baby.

Gosh that's so sad! Ignore the judgements!!

OP posts:

LJEva · 09/08/2020 17:41

@MrsDubz

I'm 41 and due my 4th in March, when I'll be 42. We haven't told anyone yet but I'm definitely nervous about the response from people and also all the additional risks there seem to be...

I think it helps to focus on the positive. There are risks to everything and actually far more positive outcomes than negative. I was told by my friend that if we only focussed on what could go wrong we'd never do anything let alone be parents! That resonated with me...

OP posts:

LJEva · 09/08/2020 17:42

@Houndabouttown

Meant to say congratulations too! And I think pregnancies in late 30s/ early 40s are increasingly common so there will be many in the same shoes.

That's what I'm hoping at Mum and Baby groups when we're all allowed to mix again :)

OP posts:

bee222 · 09/08/2020 20:22

I’m expecting my first at 39. Within my social cycle it’s not abnormal. My friends that are pregnant same time as me are 38 and 40. One of my friends had her first at 34 and she said she was one of the youngest in her NCT class. Everyone else was late 30s/early 40s.

EveningReflection · 09/08/2020 20:39

I'm 38 and pregnant with my first (due December 4th). My experience has been very different. I expected extra tests and appointments or something related to my age, but nothing. I seem to be the only person mentioning that I'm older, none of the midwives have raised it as an issue. I'm not even getting a 25 week appointment that FTMs are supposed to have. I live in the suburbs near London and to be honest I think it's pretty normal to be having kids in your late 30s or early 40s. So perhaps it depends where you live? Or maybe 40 is the threshold for extra care? Certainly no one has said anything negative about my age. I'm sure it was different in my mum's time, she had me at 43 in the early 80s and was much older than all the other mums when I was at school.

Nikkih79 · 10/08/2020 18:32

I’m currently 7+6 days pregnant with my first at 40. I haven’t had my booking appointment with the midwife yet, so will wait and see what they say. Suffering with nausea, but taking it as a good sign everything is going ok!

Emmmie · 10/08/2020 18:39

Turned 40 years old in May, got my little birthday surprise shortly after. I am 11+4 now, with a very active baby according to the scan. I feel the same way you do OP. I am glad I've found this supportive thread.

LJEva · 10/08/2020 19:23

@Emmmie

Turned 40 years old in May, got my little birthday surprise shortly after. I am 11+4 now, with a very active baby according to the scan. I feel the same way you do OP. I am glad I've found this supportive thread.

What a lovely birthday surprise! I find focussing on what can go right, not wrong helps me. I didn't do testing nor am I of then mindset that being slightly older makes a difference. They will monitor you, maybe even more closely but again I saw that as a good thing. I'm getting three extra scans from 30 weeks which means I'll know exactly what's going on in there as I approach my dream of a home birth!

OP posts:

hellymum21 · 10/08/2020 19:23

Also 40 and first time mum to be! Am due 14th March and will turn 41 on 29th! I know lots of older mums who started late 30s/early 40s so it feels kinda normal to me and I'm not too worried about it. My sister in law had both my nieces after 40. It feels like my time so I'm just trying to enjoy it 🥰

Dontcarewhatmyusernameis · 10/08/2020 19:25

I am 40 and was also told that it wouldn’t be recommended for me to go past my due date and I’d need to be induced if I did. I really wouldn’t see this as negativity though, it’s providing good care. Statistically mothers are more at risk once they’re above a certain age and all they want to do is give you the best possible chance of a good birth without things going wrong.. I don’t want to go into all of it here but there are good medical reasons for it. I honestly don’t see it as negativity, it’s just caring for the patient.
However I think it’s really sad if/when family and friends react negatively to pregnancy news when you’re older. And I think where you live can affect this. I live in London where loads of people have babies in their 40s but I think it’d be more unusual where I used to live. I had positive reactions thankfully but some people didn’t even believe us at first - I have a five year old and nine year old And they thought we were done. More fool them (just kidding).
Anyway congratulations everyone on your pregnancies!

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