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Have you ever experienced blaming, for not being able to produce enough? (breastfeeding)

(15 Posts)
PasstheBucket89 Mon 03-Aug-20 09:03:18

just that really, i had to same issue with both DCs, and i really did try sometimes till 4 months, all those hours id spend with a pump to get only 2oz if i was lucky sad the response i always get from certain family members is, "did you ask why you couldn't" i always say i was told it was one of those things which i was told, but i get maybe you weren't drinking enough water, maybe you weren't eating enough, maybe you were eating wrong, what would have happened in the wild if you cant produce enough hmmhmm like just fuck off!!!!, its so frustrating has anyone else dealt with this? i need something i can say to shut them up.

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Grumpy19 Mon 03-Aug-20 10:54:34

Yes.
I have PCOS and can't exclusively bf.
Nobody knew why with DC1
I have tried with all 3 of my DC and had to use top ups.
It made me very upset. People do make lots of assumptions and say stupid things.
A GP once told me that I just wasn't a 'heffer!'
X

PasstheBucket89 Mon 03-Aug-20 13:51:09

a heffer! god that's horrendous id have slapped them grin well maybe not but tempted, i dont think people realise how unhelpful it is.

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Wowcherarestalkingme Mon 03-Aug-20 13:53:28

Yup! My MIL said some women just produce semi skimmed hmm

pickingdaisies Mon 03-Aug-20 13:55:17

I think you nailed it with your first idea to be honestgrin
Or, just "I was told it's just one of those things" on repeat. With a fixed plastic smile. Sorry people are being such arses to you gin

DanceForMeColin Mon 03-Aug-20 13:58:10

Yep. I breastfed, pumped & had a nasal hormone spray, used a lactation specialist etc, to stimulate milk production. Nothing worked and it happened with both pregnancies. I definitely felt judged by healthcare professionals and other mums, like it was some sort of personal failing.

Mylittlepony374 Mon 03-Aug-20 14:03:10

Wow that's horrible. Absolutely nobodies business how you feed your babies. People are dicks for making you feel like that. I'd be tempted to try and make them uncomfortable in return e.g. " Ive never had someone else talk about my breasts so much" .or " do you have a particular interest in breast milk? No one else seems to comment on it as much as you?"....make them feel like the weirdos. Or just tell them to fuck off with their stupid comments.

HumphreyCobblers Mon 03-Aug-20 14:07:26

Well before formula existed babies used to suffer if their mother couldn’t produce enough milk. What a stupid thing for someone to say to you. Wet nursing was common or inferior milk from other animals was given.

The implication is that everyone woman could breastfeed and this is simply not true.

PasstheBucket89 Mon 03-Aug-20 18:58:57

Yup Humphrey it made me so angry, oh well theyd die then! and that must be my fault!!! 🙄, worse thing is its my DM and Aunt her sister, who must have had easy breastfeeding, but obviously everyone is not the same, im expressing this time to see my production levels clearer renting hospital grade etc. and thats the response i get when talking about it.

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circumventgatekeeper Mon 03-Aug-20 19:01:40

I'm sorry you had a shitty experience

Not everyone can express milk though and babies are better at getting milk from you than any pump so just because you could only express 2oz doesn't mean you were only producing 2oz.

PasstheBucket89 Mon 03-Aug-20 23:51:21

@circumventgatekeeper my ds was under weight and having toilet issues so it was obvious i wasn't producing enough but i do appreciate what you are saying. i tried for 4 months but i had to mix feed.

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circumventgatekeeper Tue 04-Aug-20 19:56:03

Are you using the weight charts in the red book(U.K.)?
By underweight do you mean
A) dropping weight - moving below the line on the chart he started at. So if he was 9th percentile did he drop below that
Or
B) on the lower end of the percentile lines?

Only that the graphs and percentiles are based solely on bottlefed baby data and most breastfed babies don't fit on them very well.
My dd was always on the low percentile, she had reflux so would vomit up the first breast and then keep some of the other down.
She followed the growth line roughly but the healthvisitor was obsessed with her being on the small side.
She was growing steadily, happy, alert and producing poo and wee regularly.
The dr and a midwife friend told me to stop going to the healthvisitor.

Obviously if you baby is not putting on any weight, loosing weight and your health professionals are not happy you need to do whatever you need to do for the Benidorm of your baby.
Nobody should make you feel bad for using formula.

LillianBland Tue 04-Aug-20 20:03:17

Regarding, ‘in the wild’, 🙄 my brother wasn’t thriving so was put on goats milk. I dare say mammal’s milk would have also been fed to babies or another woman would have wet nursed the child. Some people will say anything in order to make any woman, especially a new mother, feel like crap. Just ask them if they’re willing to wet nurse and when they say they don’t have milk, tell them that’s not very supportive and they can get medication to help them lactate. After all if they’re that concerned about the baby, surely they’d be more supportive. But then, I like a good argument. 😁

PasstheBucket89 Wed 05-Aug-20 15:26:18

just to say my sons are 12 & 8 now, but yeah not gaining,from. being a large birth weight, lethargic and not pooing. i did have a red book yes. Yeah exactly! @LillianBland ive seen formula recipes from the 50s! so obviously people made do in different circumstances.

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PasstheBucket89 Mon 10-Aug-20 19:56:18

Had it again with the, are you sure you were drinking enough water?? i said you do realise women in third world countries with little access to running water manage to breastfeed don't you ? plus i drank about 2 pints per day, on top of other drinks, getting to the point now where i dont want to speak to people irl about it now.

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